no newborn at my house for Christmas

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

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no newborn at my house for Christmas

Postby IslandDreamer » Dec 20, 2004 10:28 pm

Hi,

I know I'm not the only one on these boards with empty arms this Christmas, and I just wanted to post a thread where we could all share whatever we need to.

Hope would be two weeks old if I'd gone to term :cry: : The Christmas baby in the pageant (in my imagination) with her brother dressed as a sheperd standing guard. I wonder what Christmas in Heaven is like, what she is doing with her two siblings who were born to Heaven before her, what it would be like to have all four of my children around the table Christmas morning. I dream of two wrestling 5 year old boys and two baby girls.

Definite case of the holiday blahs here. Very sad. I keep reminding myself that Christmas is about the fullness of the manger, but I can't stop thinking about how empty my cradle is.

Praying for all the mommies missing babies and all the mommies suffering with hg this holiday.

Suzanne
IslandDreamer
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Joined: Jul 12, 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Texas

Postby 3kids » Dec 21, 2004 7:19 am

I'm so sorry Suzanne,

It is a painful time, often bittersweet. You feel all the joy for christmas and for any living children you may have, yet it is the one time when it is even more blatently obvious of those who are missing.

And other people forget. Or at least mine do. No acknowledgement and no remembrance except in your heart. I think about my angels all the time, to the point of obsession sometimes I guess.

There was some form of closure with my first two when Jack was born, but then it all started again when we lost Ella. I can't do this again, so this baby is my last hope. I long for that closure again.

It is so sad that we must go through this. Why? I wish I knew. Maybe in one way I accepted Jack so readily because of all we had been through. We got all the looks and hushed tones from other people thinking we were disappointed with him, or "after everything that's happened and they get a baby "like that"", but he is my light in it all and my angel here on earth. I don't know what other lessons I need to learn though. I feel I've "suffered" enough and just want to be able to relax and wish I could assume this baby will make it.

Ah, don't want to make you feel worse. Just I understand. I'll be thinking of you this christmas time.

Do you think one day you will try again?

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Kelly, 30

3 m/c's

Jack, 3. HG 10w-birth
Katie, 2. HG 7w-birth
Ben, 7.5mo. HG 6w-birth

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3kids
Been There Done That
 
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Postby meg » Dec 21, 2004 9:23 am

Kelly and Suzanne,

I have not personally lost a baby myself but your posts were so touching so filled with love and care and compassion that I felt compelled to reply. What beautiful mothers you both are! What lucky, lucky children are yours! I don't understand why mothers such as yourselves would meet such pain on the road to motherhood, while others who don't want motherhood arrive safely without thought or care. I can't explain it or take away the pain of such thoughts that must pass through your minds. I can tell you this. All of your children, those living and those waiting to meet you in Heaven, are known by the women you communicate with her. We read your posts, we see your names and we take into our minds and hearts all the children -- those that are living and those who are lost-- to HG.

I hope for both of you that this Christmas may somehow fill your hearts with peace.
Hugs,
Meg

Mom to Anabel (7), Patrick (4) and Moira Grace (1)
HG Survivor
HG Free since 4.22.05!!!
meg
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