termination

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

Moderators: justme, ***, deb

termination

Postby jackie » Oct 11, 2014 10:06 am

I have an appt. For Tuesday. Judging by the sickness, I think I'm 5 weeks. I have a.5 month old baby. We can't financially emotionally or physically do this right now. We are Christians, so this decision is heartwrenching, and I feel guilt stricken. I'm sick already. So very sick. I'm really struggling with my decision.
Jared HG 6 weeks-Delivery
Image
Image
jackie
HG Diva
 
Posts: 2185
Joined: Apr 23, 2006 12:18 pm
Location: Carbondale, IL

Re: termination

Postby Nina19 » Oct 13, 2014 8:15 am

Dear Jackie,

HG is overwhelming and devastating. Unless someone has been there, they simply can't understand the depth and enormity of the battle you face... or the choices you make.

My heart goes out to you. Deciding to terminate is the most difficult decision to make and to live with. But no one can judge you for it, because they are not in your shoes. Once you've gone through the nightmare of HG once, the terror you feel when faced with it again is more than you can express. Even if you want your baby very much, you may not be able to cope with the reality of living through it again. It is like an onslaught... on your senses, your mind, your body, your very soul. Deciding to terminate does not mean you don't really want or love your baby...

I can relate to your feelings of guilt. I terminated 11 1/2 weeks ago at 10 weeks and I am still overcome with guilt and regret. But my beautiful 5yr old daughter needed me and she was terrified that I was dying. I believed I wouldn't survive. I received no support from the doctors or nurses. I was suicidal and isolated myself (as we do) to try and cope, I was starved, sleep deprived and in excruciating pain and eventually I just lost that battle. In my first pregnancy I was fortunate to have a wonderful doctor who helped me to keep going until I delivered my daughter. This time, there was a doctor who decided I was a problem patient and just switched off. It made all the difference - I considered her my lifeline, she said she was just my gynae.

There are so many reasons and factors why you end up making the decisions you do, whether it be to terminate or not. All you can do is the best you can for yourself and your family in your personal circumstances. And then to forgive yourself. Because that is the hardest part, but the most important journey afterwards.

I will be thinking of you. Wishing you strength for Tuesday. Know you are not alone and come back to this forum afterwards for support... it is the only place I have felt safe to express my feelings without the fear of being judged. We are all here to listen and support you.

Love and light and prayers to you...
Nina
xx
Nina19
New Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Aug 05, 2014 8:12 am

Re: termination

Postby Nina19 » Oct 14, 2014 11:04 am

Thinking of you today xxx
Nina19
New Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Aug 05, 2014 8:12 am

Re: termination

Postby Nina19 » Oct 16, 2014 3:52 am

Hi Jackie,

Been thinking of you all week.

Hop you are doing ok and taking care of yourself.

Hugs
Nina19
New Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Aug 05, 2014 8:12 am

Re: termination

Postby jackie » Oct 16, 2014 2:27 pm

I'm okay. The procedure went smoothly, and my partner and I are confident we made the right decision for our family. Thank you for your wonderful support. I am still feeling a little sick, but am able to function and returned to work today.
Jared HG 6 weeks-Delivery
Image
Image
jackie
HG Diva
 
Posts: 2185
Joined: Apr 23, 2006 12:18 pm
Location: Carbondale, IL

Re: termination

Postby Nina19 » Oct 16, 2014 11:41 pm

So glad that all went well and you are doing ok...

Give yourself time. It takes a while, physically, to feel better, heal and regain your strength.

I am so glad to hear that you have support from your partner. It makes a big difference to not have to carry this alone. It is never an easy decision, regardless of why you have to make it. And it is a painful loss, even if it was your decision..

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And if you do want to talk... you are not alone. I'm here. This forum is here for you.

Hugs, love and light to you
xxx
Nina19
New Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Aug 05, 2014 8:12 am


Return to Loss, Grief & Recovery

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest