Another maybe

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Another maybe

Postby Ivydragon » Oct 04, 2006 3:57 pm

I even hesitate to post, but I want people to know that adoption isn't always quick and easy - and that maybes crop up, and fizzle out, and sometimes they become real.

So, I called a new friend from church to chat this morning - a friend's sister who has moved to our town, and she says her family is up to figuring out a situation she wants to tell me about. A cousin with 2 children just taken into state custody, pregnant with a third, and the baby will be taken at birth because she is in prison. All three children are full biological siblings, and they have recommended us to the relatives as a possible adoptive family.

I don't know if the birthmom is even interested in considering adoption at this point. The birth father allegedly isn't interested in custody of the children. The oldest is around 3. I am completely unfamiliar with the particular state's adoption laws, or fostering laws, and it might mean becoming foster parents to adopt two of them, and then a private adoption for the third with the current situation - who even knows.

I don't even dare hope very much. The logistics of adding three children, though, will soon have me wondering, figuring, planning how we would even do it, and then the hope will set in, if even just a little bit. So, I'm just trying to stay neutral inside. It's too much to take in. I feel like I'm at the amusement park and I'm taking a good hard look at a roller coaster and deciding whether or not I'm getting on - except when it is named adoption, we always ride it, because it's the only way to see the end of the ride.

It's funny - how much a phone call can change.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby nomore » Oct 04, 2006 10:38 pm

Andy-

Ill be praying this ends up the way you want. :hugs: I know this road isnt an easy one to ride either. Im thinking of you
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Postby Proudmama » Oct 05, 2006 2:58 am

Andy,
I hope that everything turns out as you are hoping. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

:hugs:
Jamie
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Postby dwtegli » Oct 05, 2006 9:05 am

Andy :hugs: :hugs:

I hope and pray that things turn out the way you wish them too. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
Wendy,
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Postby Gail » Oct 05, 2006 9:15 am

Oh, Andy, How exciting!! I hope all works out . I can't imagine all the emtions you must go through. Any child(ren) would be so lucky to be in your family. Your website is great!!
Mom to two girls
Sydney (6-7-95)
Lauren (10-13-99)
Lost Angel (2-9-04)

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content---Bob Dylan
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Postby carla » Oct 08, 2006 6:01 pm

Thinking of you!

:hugs:
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Postby Mom to Aidan & Daniel » Oct 08, 2006 9:56 pm

Wow! Keep us posted! I had no idea you were considering more than one child--how exciting! Keep us informed. I've been hearing about foster-adoption, where one starts out as a foster parent and ends up adopting. I don't know much about it yet.
Good luck!
Sarah
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Postby Cheri » Oct 09, 2006 4:51 pm

Andy,
How exciting. Sounds like the rollercoaster ride continues, but it would sure be an exciting thing to add 3 to your family at once. Sure, a bit of planning, but I'm sure you would handle it stunningly! :hugs:
Cheri
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Postby Ivydragon » Oct 19, 2006 12:09 am

Well, we now know that we wouldn't have to become foster parents to get the kids, if the state ever decided to terminate parental rights. We don't know if they are considering doing so for sure, or not. Grandparents and then foster parents would be considered before us, but the extended family has a long history on the grandparents that is going to come out of the wood work to keep them from getting the kids, and we don't know on the foster parents. The ext. family thinks that the foster parents aren't interested, but we've been there, so are unsure what to think.

The baby is due in December. So, we're waiting to see what the state is going to do.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby Gail » Oct 19, 2006 6:53 am

Praying for you guys :hugs: I don't know how you do it. But things are at least sounding better now then they were in the beginning.
Mom to two girls
Sydney (6-7-95)
Lauren (10-13-99)
Lost Angel (2-9-04)

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content---Bob Dylan
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Postby Natalie » Oct 19, 2006 8:27 am

Oh Andy. It must be excuruciating, the not knowing then the excitement, the waiting and all the possibilites.

I really hope it works out in your favour.

Love Natalie, x
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Postby Ivydragon » Nov 05, 2006 2:03 am

Foster parents are interested - according to the social worker. Who really knows what will happen. If it came down to the committee deciding like they did with Adam, then it would be us and the extended family vs. the foster parents - and who's to say if the committee would think long term relationships with extended family, or staying in the foster home they've known would be more important. That could be a ways down the road, depending on the father's interest in the children - the social worker thinks he would want to try to parent them. If he doesn't, and parental rights are terminated, we might be viewed as a family placement if the mom chose us to adopt her baby due in December, which could put the foster parents out of the loop. We have no idea if the mom's even considering adoption, but if she doesn't, and she faces a long sentence, the state will terminate parental rights and have the kids adopted. If she doesn't like the foster family, or if she wants any say in the openness of the adoption, she has to decide before the baby is born - before the baby is in state custody - because after that the state would decide it all.

There is no way to know what will happen in the end. All we can do is wait, so we wait, and hope, and we're praying really hard that the right happy ending comes for these children, whatever that is meant to be.

It's agonizing.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby Atsie » Nov 05, 2006 7:22 am

Andy,
I hope you get your answer soon. I can't imagine how hard this wait is for you.
Crossing my fingers.
Erin
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Postby Ivydragon » Nov 05, 2006 12:41 pm

It's enough stress to put me on edge, which Adam is fully aware of, and so he is pushing my buttons with glee. Combine the two and forgetting to grab a simple item to leave the house with yesterday, put me into uncontrollable tears.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby Xphile_mo » Nov 05, 2006 2:20 pm

:hugs:

Can't imagine what you must be going through right now - must be absolute torture while you wait to find out!!

But hey, if you can survive HG and set up this fabulous website you can do anything!!! :D Really hope it all works out for you - will keep everything crossed for you

xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Moira x x x

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Postby Ivydragon » Nov 07, 2006 12:31 pm

Lol, I'm a great "doer" - I like to keep busy, and I have projects and lists of things to accomplish. Organizing things and arranging things are easy for me - having a set end goal, like a due date means progress and measuring of time - a set time.

But this . . . this waiting without knowing, with no due date, with no answers, with no sure knowledge - this I do not handle well, and I am struggling. I will survive it, but I doubt I will ever handle it well. Ah, well. I'm handling it better today, but it took a day of reading a book for leisure, a hot bath, cuddly clothes, and not having to make dinner.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby justme » Nov 07, 2006 1:30 pm

Andy,

I can imagine that it is incredibly hard. Our prayers are with you. (Although, don't pray for patience - you know what they say about praying for patience :wink: )

Karen
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Postby Ivydragon » Nov 10, 2006 2:10 am

Well, the father is being given the girls in 10 days. The baby will join them at birth. The father has a new girlfriend, and went to court and said they wanted to parent the kids. I am glad they will be all together, but worried because the extended family doesn't have great things to say about this guy. Maybe they are wrong and he's straightened up, or was a deceant guy, anyways. Maybe they'll be happy and ok. I guess I have to hope so.

So, another dead end to an adoption for us.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby Gail » Nov 10, 2006 9:44 pm

Andy, I'm sorry things didn't end as you had been dreaming. As for the kids all being together, that is a good thing. But I know there are more children out there and that any of them would be lucky to join your loving family. You and your family will remain in my prayers as you continue down this adoption road.
Mom to two girls
Sydney (6-7-95)
Lauren (10-13-99)
Lost Angel (2-9-04)

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content---Bob Dylan
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Postby Ivydragon » Nov 10, 2006 10:34 pm

Not done after all - still hanging in the air on this one, I updated here . . .

http://forums.helpher.org/viewtopic.php?p=103311#103311

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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