Here from TTC

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Here from TTC

Postby Wild Spirit » May 03, 2008 7:53 pm

O.K.,
I can't believe all this is happening. I'm in shock. I never imagined myself adopting a baby, I mean I always thought it would be really cool to adopt internationally, but never thought it could ever happen as, A. I couldn't go to say, Africa for the one year they require you to live in the country (I know this as my sister is there now in the middle of an adoption. And B. I don't have the money as we are a single income homeschooling family with 5 children, trying to get the oldest through university.
Anyway, to make a really long story short, the stork has literally dropped a 6 week old baby on our lap. I've suffered 3 heart breaking miscarriages, and have been trying to conceive since Dec., with no luck. My 5 successful pregnancies were hell with HG, but I wanted this last child to complete our family so bad I was going to keep trying.
I'm spending every minute I can with him (the baby) and praying for the day I can bring him home for good. Luckily I am able to bring him home for days now, and go spend as much time as I can with him where he is. His smile lights up my whole world, I'm so excited.....
Thanks for letting me get this out, I haven't been able to tell anyone, until some of the legal work is done because of the situation. I really needed to spill!
Last edited by Wild Spirit on May 03, 2008 8:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby IslandDreamer » May 03, 2008 8:03 pm

(((Tina)))) :shock: Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!! Congratulations!!! Little did you know your little one was coming to you via adoption!!! What happened? How did this happened? Can you share details or do you choose to stay private? But congratulations!!!

(And I did just see your siggy, and your oldest's age just clicked...could you be almost as old as I am ? ;) )

Exciting news! So happy for you! :hugs:
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Postby Wild Spirit » May 03, 2008 8:36 pm

42 years old, and as giddy as a little school girl right now. Thank you so much, I haven't heard the words "congratulations" yet, it is SO EXCITING! I can't sleep at night, and I feel like I'm 9 months pregnant and due any day, only I don't have to wake up DH to help me roll over at night.
The situation is still hush hush until things officially come out in the open, regarding birth parent(s), but it is a pretty sure thing.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby IslandDreamer » May 03, 2008 8:49 pm

Okay, sorry to ask. Didn't realize it wasn't finalized and still ongoing. Hope everything works out well for all involved.

And 42, eh? Might you beat me as oldest? I'm 42 on March 15. ??? ;)
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Postby mrsbigdog » May 03, 2008 11:30 pm

Congratulations!!! That is so exciting.

Oh yeah, it is great to see another HER mom older than me :lol: .

I see your oldest was born in '88 - so was mine. What month? Tree was born Nov of '88 so I guess we were HGing at the same time back then. (Hey Suzanne - wasn't Jenny HGing then too if I remember correctly?)

I hope all goes well and your little one is safely at home soon.

You are brave though - I swear Em simply wears me out. I just don't have energy I had back when Tree and Em were little.

Donna
3x HG survivor: Theresa - 11/88, Katie - 1/95, Emily - 1/06
(one HG baby in each of the last three decades! - yes, just call me crazy)

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Postby BethersinMN » May 04, 2008 9:22 am

Congrats!!!! So happy for you and your new baby!!!!

Lots of love,
Bethers
BethersinMN- Justin 1/9/96 SEVERE HG (9 wks-36.5 wks) Ryan 4/18/09 (HG & Severe Preeclampsia and Hellp at 25 wks emerg c-sec 29 weeks) and 4 beautiful angels 05/21/04, 11/16/04, 7/28/06 & 10/6/12 forever loved with God & my parents till we are all together. We have begun another journey to bring another Baby-Love home. God please grant us faith, strength, courage, patientence and love through this each and every day.
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Postby jwinning221 » May 04, 2008 11:34 am

That's wonderful news! Congrats! Hoping it all works out for you!
Jenn

2 Severe HG pgs and three beautiful angels.

"Don't tell me that I won't, I can. Don't tell me that I'm not, I am. Don't tell me that my master plan ain't comin' true. Don't tell me that I won't, I will. Don't tell me how to think and feel. Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real, what I can do" --Joss Stone "Free Me"
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Postby deb » May 05, 2008 4:57 am

wow, what a wonderful surprise!! congrats! hoping you can take this little one home for good soon!
deb

*jessica heath - hg, stillborn 3.3.06 at 23wks
*levi issachar - hg, 17.11.08
*sela enoch - hg, 4.6.10


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Postby janbabe » May 05, 2008 11:38 pm

Thats fantastic news!! Congratulations! So happy for you and your family
~Janene~
Mum to an angel baby, May 2007 @15 weeks
And Tex born 28th August 2008 9lb 6oz
And.... its another boy!
Jethro born 9th June 2011 9lb 7oz
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Postby bibliojo » Jun 05, 2008 4:50 pm

Tina this is such wonderful news for your family! Have you been able to complete the paperwork? How is it going with the baby? I hope that this works out for you!
2 HG pregnancies
Lukas - February 2003
Katya - October 2006

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Postby Wild Spirit » Jun 06, 2008 6:53 pm

I have had him home ever since that first day, the first two nights I took him back at night, and since then, I've had him full time.
He is wonderful, and I'm enjoying being his mom so much. I'm breast feeding him almost exclusively now, we're down to only 1 bottle of formula a day. My 2 year old was nursing only a couple times through the night, and I thought this may make it easier, but from what I've read and learned, it does quite the contrary. When nursing a toddler, our body learns to ignore the cues to produce more milk, as a toddler will nurse all night one night (or day), and then not at all the next. Soooo....increasing milk production as been a struggle.
The birth mother signed the papers today, but it hasn't gone to court yet. I still get really scared sometimes thinking, but I guess that's a normal thing to go through. I feel like he's mine, heart and soul, and I can't imagine what I'd do if I were to lose him now. It is so precious to see my dear little blond haired blued eyed two year old holding his little black hand as they nurse together. She calls him "Baby Brover". So sweet.
Thanks for asking Joanna.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby IslandDreamer » Jun 06, 2008 6:59 pm

(((Tina)))

Fabulous that all is so well. I"m really sorry I've not gotten anything from my friend who adoptive bfed her toddler. Guess she's crazy with her six. She's a lucky mommy, and so are you.

Has "Baby Brover" had any adjustment issues? Seems as if his transition has been seamless. Praying over the court issues, that all works out beautiful.

Love,
Suzanne
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Postby toi » Jun 06, 2008 11:52 pm

This is so wonderful to read!
Victoria, mommy to James 4/05 and Amelia 4/07
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Postby Wild Spirit » Jul 14, 2008 6:43 am

Thank you all your your well wishes and support. I haven't had much computer time lately, as I'm sure you all can imagine. Wow, a 4 month old and a two year old is FUN!!!! I'm so happy and feel so blessed. My 4 older children are heavily involved in the horse world, so Baby Brover has been spending alot of time strapped to my belly, and Lil' Jade in the back carrier, while we run the grounds of riding camps and horse shows and exhibitions. The third week in Aug. we will be packing up 6 kids and 4 horses and heading down the province to a week long exhibition and we will be camping out in the (very small) living quarters of the horse trailer. The teenagers are going to have to sleep in a tent!!! Daddy will stay home to work, and look after the other horses and animals. This summer is crazy, but I know when the horses get put away and the weather starts to cool down, I will looks back with the fondest of memories.
Oh, sorry i missed your question mrsbigdog, yes, I'm sure we were hg ing the same time as my eldest was born in Feb. of '88
Tina
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby bibliojo » Jul 14, 2008 11:42 am

Tina, has it gone to court yet? Is "baby brover" officially yours now? I'm so glad you are enjoying him so much and hope that he can really truly join your family for life.
2 HG pregnancies
Lukas - February 2003
Katya - October 2006

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Postby Wild Spirit » Jul 14, 2008 8:55 pm

No court yet, we're still awaiting the 30 days after the birth mother "signed him over", so to speak, but she has moved on, leaving no forwarding address.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Joined: May 24, 2005 12:15 pm

Postby Rachel » Jul 14, 2008 9:46 pm

That's a good sign for your family, but a sad situation nonetheless. I know what that's like. My family adopted four kids from the same birthmom, who had MAJOR issues with prostitution and drug addiction and hung around men who abused the kids. So we were very relieved when she walked out of court during her rights hearing and the judge determined her rights were terminated. But I also know that 'hold on, can't quite let this be 100% real till it's over' feeling before the hearing.

Congrats and continued prayers and good luck.

Once the dust settles, I hope you will choose to share the story of how this came about, as we are all curious nosy people ;). Well, we'd like to share your joy and learn how it happened :).
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Postby Wild Spirit » Jul 17, 2008 5:33 am

Rachel, thank you for sharing your experiences with the adopted children in your family. This is a very similar situation, with drugs, prostitution and mental illness. What do you tell a child when they ask? How do you tell them them their mother walked out when they were 3 weeks old? I don't want him to grow up thinking that he comes from mentally ill bloodlines, so to speak, or that his mother choose drugs over him.....It's so easy now, I just snuggle in in my arms and nurse him, and he KNOWS he is the most perfect child in the world, but what about when he starts asking question about his birth mother? What is your advise?
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby Rachel » Jul 17, 2008 9:35 am

Well it may depend a lot on his personality, but I honestly think you have two things in your favor: his age, and the fact he's male. Maybe the second one isn't as big a distinction, but the first one really helps. The four we adopted (okay, my parents adopted but I was 17 at the time and fully involved in the process) were ages 2 to 6. They had been taken from their mom when the youngest was around a year old, not verbal yet. The youngest, Gabe, has never seemed to mind in the slightest that he has our parents instead of his birth parents. He does know about it of course, because his older siblings can remember it. His older brothers as well seem to like having been adopted. Gabe, at age 12, is the only boy who doesn't have major physical and mental issues though. Both his brothers have muscular dystrophy and learning disabilities. They were also very physically abused and have misshapen heads to prove it. The horror stories I could tell about the time before we got them . . . anyway.

My sister Beth (the oldest) is the only one that has tried to keep the memories alive. Despite the fact she was sexually molested as young as 4 years old and was virtually the only mother the boys had, she treasures what few memories she has of her birth parents and has frequently tried to regain ties or find out more. Part of that might be that she just turned 18 and is having typical teen issues with parents and rebellion in general, and nebulous memories of other parents are comforts when you are mad at the ones in front of you? At least that's my guess. And considering how confident and successful she is in school and with relationships with friends, I'd say that she really does know the benefit of a stable home and is grateful for that. She has said so on many occasions in the past, and it's only recently she seems to prefer her early memories to all the ones since then. I'm sure she'll change again as she grows up.

As far as what to tell him when he asks . . . we are Christians, and have always told ours that God cared about them so much he specifically chose our family to adopt them. We all love them and are so happy to have them as part of us, and we marvel that we were chosen by God to do this. When they wonder why their birth parents did what they did, we let them know that sometimes people choose to do bad things. That God doesn't always stop that, because of free will. But that He still cares and loves them very much, and made it so they didn't have to be around anymore bad decisions like that or be hurt anymore, by bringing them to us.

In your specific situation, you won't be having to deal with prior memories. That is a plus. And I would say, if it was me, when he asks why his mom left, that his mom knew she wasn't able to give him the care he needed on her own, and she knew that he would be taken care of by people who loved him if she let him go. So she left him in your care.

My aunt was adopted at three days old. She didn't come from an abusive/drug situation, but still, was comforted by her adoptive mom telling her that sometimes kids come to families in different ways. Her adoptive mom wanted kids so badly but couldn't have them, and the birthmom was able to have kids but couldn't take care of them on her own, so it worked out really well for everyone that the baby got to grow up loved and wanted and adored. As an adult, my aunt met her birth father and found that to be a positive experience, but is still glad on seeing his situation that she was adopted.

I hope that helps and you can pm me anytime to talk more about this. I'm happy to share our experiences with you.
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Postby zoe-down-under » Aug 26, 2008 6:00 pm

Hi,

I know that this topic is quite old now and you might not even get this but I just felt for your little boy and as the mother of a seven year old who came to live with us when she was three, I wanted to say that when she asks why her mother left her and why she can't look after her I have always said that her mother just had some problems and couldn't give her everything she needed so she did the best thing for her by giving her a family that could give her all that she needs.
It seems that if it's talked about early on then it is just normal for them and they adjust to that being the way their story is told.

Hope that helps.

xox

Zoe
Zoe from Australia
DD '98 - Moderate HG
Foster DD joined us in 2004 - No HG! ;)
Angel loved and lost Jan 07 - Severe HG
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