New to the site, LOVE it!

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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New to the site, LOVE it!

Postby Brady's Mom » Jul 13, 2006 12:09 pm

Hello!

My name is Jen and I am fairly new to the site. I signed up to be a volunteer (in Michigan). I wish I had known about this site when I was PG!!! It is just amazing and very helpful to the HG victim :sickfast:

I have a 17 month old son named Brady. He is perfect in every way. I always tell him, "Your Mommy worked hard for you!" as I am sure you can ALL relate!

To briefly share my story...I started feeling sick before I even took the pregnancy test and then it snowballed from there. At first I figured everyone goes through this. How did my mom, friends, aunts, etc. actually do this multiple times?! Well, little did I know then what I was experiencing was far worse and something that truly could not be explained to or understood by many members of my family or friends, even my husband at times. Was sick the whole time, on Zofran, medical leave from work, one final PUKE with delivery and it was finally gone.

I must say HG is such a raw experience that just "stays with you." Everyone told me I'd forget all about it once I held Brady in my arms, but I am finding the exact opposite is happening. I think about it daily. However, I feel that I have a new "lease" on life in a way. I have never appreciated brushing my teeth, washing my face, changing my sheets, walking to my mailbox in quite the same way since HG robbed me of myself.

At a point, I seriously considered an abortion and spent time making deals with God (I will adopt babies from China if you just make me lose this one...") and also spent time putting my "throw-up" bag (before used, of course!) over my head to see "what it would feel like" to commit suicide.

Anyway, my POINT (long-winded as it is!) is this. WHY can't PEOPLE UNDERSTAND why I am not going to have another child??? I feel a loss, ya know? Like HG took away something from me. I would have a second child if I didn't have this to face or at least to face the risk of it. It is amazing when people, "how many are you going to have?" and I say, "I think we're done!" and their responses are unbelievable. "How could you not give him a sibling?" "Oh come on, you've gotta have at least one more..." Well, it just plain makes me feel sad when I hear that. Like in some warped way, I really can't be happy (in other's eyes) if I don't have another!!! Makes no sense I know. Just hoping for some inspiring thoughts. Some day down the road, maybe we will consider adopting, but where do you start with that? It seems such a big process?

Thank you for taking the time to read and listen to me! I look forward to "meeting" you all!
Take care, Jen
Mother to Brady Michael (HG Week#5-delivery) 3/1/05
Brady's Mom
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Postby IslandDreamer » Jul 14, 2006 11:13 pm

Hi Jen,

I lived in Royal Oak for part of my pg with Chris. Wow! Small world. Now I'm in Highland, east egypt Michigan if you must know :roll: . So glad you found us here. What a relief, eh?

Welcome!
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Postby Mom to Aidan & Daniel » Jul 15, 2006 1:42 am

Wow, can I relate!! I'm quite sure I'm not going to go through HG again either, as it was severe and I'm afraid of what it can do to my body and soul. For us adoption was an exciting option even before HG. We planned on one bio and one adopted child soon after we met. I'm excited about the process of preparing for and meeting a little person in need of love and parenting, and it is a lovely way to give our son a sibling. Start by contacting adoptino agencies in your area and going to info meetings if they have any and getting written materials sent to you. Also, there are great stories online written by adoptive parents and even adoptees, which are inspiring and insightful.
I HATE it when others tell me that I should have another bio, and HG is worth it because you get a baby in the end, etc. That's for me to decide. I too felt like committing suicide and my body is still not completely healed. How dare others judge me bec. I'm hesitant to go through that again!
Welcome! :hugs:
Sarah
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 28, 2006 1:33 pm

Hi Jen! I lived in Michigan for 3 years (Lenawee Co. south of Ann Arbor), and grad. H.S. there. I still have friends there, and try to get back from time to time.

You could try some pithy lines to people who are so judgemental. "I'd rather be alive than die trying to give my child a sibling." "My son needs a mom more than a sibling, and I could die if we tried again." "Are you volunteering to raise my child for me if I die trying to give them a sibling?" "You obviously don't understand that another pregnancy could kill me." "I had a condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Hyperemesis Gravidarum can be fatal. I was lucky to have survived the first time."

Sure, in this day and age not many women die from HG, but I've known of 2 losses in the last year. Women who died from HG. If you don't have it in you to do it again, then make no excuses, and simply tell them that you could die if you tried again. That should be enough to shut them up. They won't ever understand.

You are robbed, and it's ok to feel that way. It's part of the loss process. You had hopes, you had dreams, you had plans, and HG touches it all. No happy pg, no big families (biologically, anyways), trauma, loss, anger, bitterness, sadness, memories. It does fade over time, but you are forever changed.

Start telling people you trust that you are interested in adopting. Sometimes people know people who have adopted, and can get you into a network of knowing people who have been there, done that. Ask a lot of questions. Research, research, research, and don't invest any money into anyone at all until you're certain you understand the whole process and are sure that it is exactly what you want, and how you're going to go about it. Adoption is not a fast process, or an easy answer to becoming a parent again, but it is rewarding in the end. You could say that sounds like HG . . . BUT I NEVER VOMITED! Not the entire adoption process, not even once. I can't say that this 2nd time - but I've only vomited once, and it beats HG by a long shot, and it had nothing to do with adopting, where HG is directly linked with being in a state of becoming a parent.

Huge hugs and keep posting. It's very healing to get it all out - even when the HG is said and done. It is also healing to help others, if you have the time and interest to do so. It makes your hell of HG valuable as a tool to help others, so it doesn't become something that was for nothing - a child, and a vehicle to help others.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Hi

Postby BethersinMN » Aug 02, 2006 4:35 pm

I look forward to getting to know you too.

Beth
BethersinMN- Justin 1/9/96 SEVERE HG (9 wks-36.5 wks) Ryan 4/18/09 (HG & Severe Preeclampsia and Hellp at 25 wks emerg c-sec 29 weeks) and 4 beautiful angels 05/21/04, 11/16/04, 7/28/06 & 10/6/12 forever loved with God & my parents till we are all together. We have begun another journey to bring another Baby-Love home. God please grant us faith, strength, courage, patientence and love through this each and every day.
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THANK YOU!

Postby Brady's Mom » Aug 02, 2006 5:19 pm

A big thank you to all of you who responded to my post. Each one of you said something I will jot down in my journal and re-read when I am feeling down. What a great site! :hugs:
Take care, Jen
Mother to Brady Michael (HG Week#5-delivery) 3/1/05
Brady's Mom
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Posts: 88
Joined: Jul 13, 2006 11:52 am
Location: Royal Oak, Michigan


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