Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarriage?

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DID you ever think about it?

I did think about death, miscarriage, or termination
236
88%
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination
32
12%
 
Total votes : 268

Postby facejunkie » Jul 10, 2009 9:15 am

I hate to admit it, but I yes...to all of the above! My first two weeks were the worst! I have a strong faith in Jesus Christ and I was horrified when I heard the words come out of my mouth, "Honey, should I just have an abortion?" My husband was shocked too, but very understanding. He really "got it" at that point. I had no idea that human beings could feel so bad. I had imagined that perhaps cancer patients going through chemo may be able to relate. Obviously, when pregnant, the dr.s can only give you so much medication. I wanted a drug induced coma, you know...anesthesia for a few months. I did wish that I might die at one point, that God would just call me home so that I could not hurt. Then I would cry, w/o tears because I was too dehydrated, thinking of my other four kids w/o their mommy. Yet, I wasn't much of a mommy when I was sick. It's hard, really hard. But dreaming of death is normal when you hurt so much. We are mommies, but we are human.
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Postby lovemytannerman » Jul 06, 2010 11:47 pm

Yes. That is all part of the HG monster. I would have thoughts in my head that I would never have. It's not that you want to hurt yourself or your baby, you just want the suffering to end. I remember having days where I just wanted to die instead of living with this for one more day. After dealing with this for 7 weeks, I don't even remember what it's like to feel normal anymore. People who have never dealt with this have no idea what it's like. No idea at all.
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Postby kcat » Jul 19, 2010 11:21 am

with my first hg pg, termination crossed my mind, but since I had no idea what I was suffering from, I kept thinking it would go away at 10 wks, then 12 wks, then 16 wks. Needless to say, it never really went away. I would get some relief by lying in a warm bath with all the lights out and complete silence. I was really into total sensory deprivation at that time. I wished to leave my body until after the baby was born.

Since I was never diagnosed with HG, by the time I got pg again, I didn't take the sickness seriously. Everyone kept saying that each pg is different so I guess I just thought it wouldn't happen again. But it did and it was 10 times worse!

I thought of dying (suicide), and terminating. And after 8 weeks of HELL, numerous trips to the ER, Pulmonary Embolisms, severe pain in my lungs, total mental obliteration, I did terminate. I had a three year old I could not take care of, I was mentally unstable--having thoughts of suicide, paranoid (believing dh and others were trying to kill me, that my dd was also trying to kill me) I COULD NOT take it anymore. When I say I couldn't, I mean I Couldn't. It was not a question of will, it was killing me. My mind was deteriorating. For weeks I did nothing but lay in bed and vomit and wish to die.

Having HG is like entering another world. You are no longer yourself. You are something else. I remember feeling as though I was no longer a human being. Reality was so far away that I didn't believe I would ever come back. I told dh when I decided to terminate that no matter what I did, whether I went through with the pg or not, I would never be the same. Things would never be alright because either way, I was so tramatized, I'd never be the same.

There aren't enough words to capture the Horror of HG. It goes beyond our realm of existence. It is the most abnormal, subhuman, other-worldly experience I have ever had. There is no need for that kind of torment. I have no idea what is causing this disease, but it is so profound and insidious that in a lot of cases, it doesn't respond to the strongest medications possible.

I have a lot of trouble with this illness because, to me, it is pure evil. It is like dying a slow and painful death without ever having the relief of death. Hg has made me understand what Hell must be like. It is not just nasea and vomiting. For me it was total nervous system mayhem. Every single sound, smell, touch, sight, taste sent me realing.

I do not regret terminating. I regret that it had to come to that. I regret that we live in a society that doesnt take "womens troubles" seriosly enough until it becomes an epidemic and costs more to treat than to cure. I know that there are some good docs out there who do a lot for us hgers, but if this were a man's problem, it would probably have been cured by now. I say stop putting all the money into making bigger penis's and regrowing hair. Stop hyperemesis instead!
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Postby nymbis » Oct 04, 2010 3:34 pm

There were times I wanted to die for sure or at least be put into an induced coma for the rest of the pregnancy. But I wanted baby so much I didn't think of termination, well fleetingly sure but not as an option for me.

And I was high risk for miscarriage (have blood clotting disorder) so never wanted that either. It got to the point that is was like man I have come through all this if I lost him now it would break me. Especially as I decided I am not putting myself (and partner) through another pregnancy. I think if I lost him I just couldn’t try again. I am not that brave!!! :)
~nymbis~
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Postby julianadg » Nov 11, 2010 7:06 pm

With my first HG preg I begged people to take me to a clinic to end the pregnancy.
I prayed for a miscarriage.
I honestly think if I had enough energy to get out of bed I might have tried to kill myself.

I use to take baths and I would day dream about sticking my head under the water and not come back up.

The second HG preg. I did terminate. I was afraid of going to that dark place again.

I think it is a common experience for all of us, because it is painful this disease, and it hurts physically and emotionally, and people don't understand....it's normal to want it to go away when you are in the midst of it
Sienna ( 1/9/05- Fluffy)
Sawyer (9/27/08- Severe HG from 6wks- 36 weeks)
Angel Baby Scarlett (loss at 8 weeks because I was so scared of what awaited. Moderate HG at 6 weeks.)
My Blog about my story with HG- WARNING it's triggering
http://islandofgriefmountainofjoy.wordpress.com/
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Postby bunderful » Dec 23, 2010 6:54 am

Never felt this way with any of my other 4 pregnancies (even though I had HG with them)

But now I am pregnant with twins and cried to my husband just this week that maybe we could terminate. I was so desperate just to feel like myself again!

I cried when I found this website and found out that I am not the only person who feels this way. It is such a miserable hopeless feeling. I think it's the depression speaking more than anything. On Sunday (this week) I was in bed crying all day. I just couldn't stop crying I felt so awful. So yes. I wanted to terminate. Now I'm on Zofran and so far I am feeling a bit better.

But just knowing that others have felt this way and that you are not crazy somehow makes it easier to bear.

- Rena
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Postby StephanieH » Feb 12, 2011 12:01 am

I've done all three in the last five minutes. I remember in my first HG pregnancy, nearly passing out every time I puked and begging out loud to an empty house for someone to kill me. I truly wanted to die. 

With this pregnancy I'm on Zofran so I'm not as delirious with sickness -- but the feelings are the same. The desperation, the seeming unending sickness ahead...after going through two HG pregnancies, one miscarriage (I was devastated that I endured 12 weeks of hell for nothing!!) I really believe that this time I can't live through it again. I'm seriously considering termination. I'm doing a viability ultrasound in 5 days. I've been praying for a miscarriage. It's terrible I know - I just don't want to have to make the choice to terminate. I wish biology would do it for me. I just can't image living through another day of vomiting, nausea, pill popping and punishing my two wonderful kids with my illness. I can't do it anymore.

So there it is, brutal honesty at 8 weeks HG.  All of those thoughts are 100% normal and completely understandable to anyone living through this...
Mom to:
DS Jan 06 - HG
Miscarriage @ 12W Nov 07 - HG
DD Oct 08 - managed NVP
DS Sept. 2011 - HG
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby notcoping » Apr 14, 2012 1:50 am

I thought of all three :(
DS1 - Morning sickness
DS2 - Morning sickness
DD1 - undiagnosed, undertreated moderate HG
This baby - Moderate HG, Zofran, Maxalon, Phenergan
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby krsweetpea » Apr 16, 2012 11:22 am

I have thought of all of these. Last night I was so angry about how hg affects my ds that I thought about googling late term abortion. I'm 28 weeks,pro-life,and want this baby! I just get so tired of fighting. The thought I have most often is wishing I could just not exist for the next 12weeks and then wake up with a healthy baby and normal life.
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby samusugiru » Apr 23, 2012 8:02 am

I thought about miscarriage and my husband even said I could terminate if I wanted to. That was first trimester, I didn't realise it would last the whole pregnancy, my doctor said it would go away in two weeks. I think if someone had told me I would be vomiting the whole pregnancy I may have gone for a termination at that stage but thank goodness I had no idea how long it would last! I guess I was in denial because at every little sign of improvement I thought "well, I'm sure that it will be gone in two weeks or so!"

I guess it was a good thing my first doctor was so bad and I have no family history. I really want another child but knowing what I know now it would be very hard to endure knowing I would be sick the entire time. I did have twins so there is a little part of me that says it might not happen but I don't know if I want to risk it...

What helped me the first trimester was that after my doctor said it would go away after three weeks my husband drew me up a chart where I would cross off my vomits counting down to when it was supposed to go away (based on my doctors logic that I would vomit half as much next week etc) I would cross off a vomit and go yay, only 65 more vomits to go! It was very depressing when we got down to the last dozen and it was obvious it wouldn't be stopping. The last vomit was, ironically, the vomiting episode that saw me admitted to hospital. We changed doctors after that...
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby LadyBug1 » Sep 29, 2012 3:19 pm

I thought about termination and honestly hoped for a miscarriage last time, though it's not something I like to admit. This time I'm waiting for the first ultrasound with the idea that I will either see something worth fighting for, or there will be a problem and this can all be over. DH and I still have limits that we will terminate for, I won't be hospitalized or have a PICC line. I didn't have it that badly last time, but I know it might be worse this time. These are all things we discussed before deciding to try again.
DD 05/2010 - moderate HG 7-20 weeks (phenegran, IV fluids/zofran), mild HG 20-birth, lost 11% bodyweight
DS 05/2013 - mild HG 6 weeks - 35 weeks (zofran, zantac, B6, tums, colace), MS 35-birth (zofran as needed), lost 7% bodyweight

Tubal ligation following the birth of DS.

My perfect family was worth every minute.
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby Saberry » Dec 05, 2012 2:11 am

Yes I did. I terminated two pregnancies and have no children nor can I have them due to pre-menopause. I just learned of this condition due to princess Kate. I didnt know you other women existed. I never met anyone or heard of anyone being nauseated or waking up to throw up either.I did not want to terminate but I didnt want to live anymore either. A miscarriage would of been nice but didnt happen soon enough. I suffer alot of guilt especially now that I cant even make eggs for a child. But if I do carry a child by other means I will not terminate now that Im older and know about this condition. I wasnt afraid of dying either when I was pregnant I just thought I wasnt normal,far from normal.
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby melnilittle » Nov 13, 2013 10:44 am

I Never thought about miscarriage or termination. Ever. I remember wishing I would die then realize how silly that was. I was just wishing to have my baby so I could die. But once he is here I will be well again


To me its a mothers job to love and take pain for her children. To take a bullet and it hurts me to think that a mother could abort her baby over hg. I understand hg I'm here and have been here before. But to me I am fighting for my son. The reason I feel this way is because I was told I would never be a mother. Because to me.. I had to fight like crazy to be a mom. And to me I could never kill my son and live with myself. That is how I feel. Do I judge those who have? No because I'm not in their shoes and never will be. We all struggle but its our job to support not ridicule.
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby Etasocool » Feb 15, 2014 9:16 pm

That all changed when I saw my babys heartheat today..
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby JennDPT » Mar 19, 2014 3:03 pm

I get days where I wish this pregnancy was all over. Days where I just can't take one more minute of being sick. Days where I'm so sick and tired of being connected to tubes 18 hours a day to keep me and the baby alive. But when I go in for my ultrasound and see my baby's heart beat, then everything changes. It gives me a burst of hope and energy that I'm doing the right thing and my baby is doing just fine. As much as I've thought about ending this pregnancy, I've fought too long and hard to give up now. Knowing that I'll feel better once the baby is born keeps me fighting just one more day. I don't think I could live with myself if I intentionally gave it all up.
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Re: Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarri

Postby Alpear » Jan 19, 2016 7:09 pm

Yes, we often discussed terminating even though it was much wanted. At times I thought about driving into a tree to end it all.
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