Formula VS Breastfeeding debate

[jjbeck]

Ok, this post really is not about which is better formula or breastfeeding.
I have noticed a great deal of friction here on the BF forum.
During my PG I can not stress how much the her.org site and the HUGS board had helped me. I am so incredibly greatful. Maybe it is just me, but I do not remember so much tension o/ at the HUGS board. It always seemed to be about supporting eachother during our difficult time and offering personal as well as professional insight.
I can completely understand the passion woman feel re breastfeeding and getting the word out. While this is a breastfeeding forum I dont know that it is a good idea to be critisizing formula companies or woman opting to use formula for whatever their reason...and yes their has been some direct comments on woman using formula. I am not defending formula companies, but more so am trying to be mindful of the feelings of woman who had already been through more than enough hell and probably uncomfortable feelings of being judged for being so sick and taking meds while pg. I think we all should know better...especially with all we have had to deal with having HG. Gosh, how many of us felt people looking down of us for making the choice to take all of the meds we had to take to get through pg. I have heard so many times...I cannot believe so and so would take unisom during pg...or ativan or steroids. Now we know we had to take those meds and why we had to take them....but we at least had other woman to support our decision to take our meds and get through an awful pg. Lets just try to be more supportive and respectful of our decisions weather we breastfeed or ff.
And if we want to express our opinions on our decision...great. Lets try to repect others opinions. If someone says something offensive....keep in mind it is an ONLINE forum and very easy to misinterperate things. Also one other thing to keep in mind...and this was something a WONDERFUL HUGS member had to remind me of from time to time. HORMONES HORMONES HORMONES!

[Cheri]

Jen,
I have rarely seen this kind of friction on the HUGS board & honestly it is getting to the point it stresses me out. I read this board because I have faced issues in breastfeeding & breastfeeding issues related to hg & have had helpful info here in the past. At this moment I would not choose to post a problem on here because who knows what it would lead to!!

[nomore]

Hi Ladies,

Ive been reading these ongoing debates in this folder, choosing not to post here. I just wanted to say, I agree, we all need to support each other. We are on this website becuase HG is in our lives. None of us would ever choose HG for ourselves or a loved one. At HuGS, I felt it was an entirely supportive environment. I am planning pregnany #2 and we are about to TTC. I NEED this board as a lifeline. I hope when the time comes, I, like all of you, get the support we need, without hostile feelings.

[jjbeck]

Cheri....I hear you about the stress. I have been feeling it too. Wondering should I post or not post. Hopefully us HUGGERS can help to keep this a good supportive forum and try and steer away from overdebating that maybe could be held elsewhere.
I hate to see woman...any women no matter what their opinions are, feel uncomfortable about posting and/or looking for support.
Now I just wanted to clarify what I meant by the hormone thing...I know when I am feeling hormonal...pg or post pg....or even PMS, I am quiite more sensitive to criticism...even if it was meant to be constructive or EVEN if it was not meant to be criticism at all. When feeling hormonal, I am more likely to over analyze or misinterperet what someone is saying and get easily offended and may be tempted to feel and respond in a defensive manner.
In any case....hope everyone is feeling goood or at least on their way to.

[Laurie]

Cheri, your post is the reason I stopped posting. I don't want to cause any problems here. And, as I'm being very blessed with a no-HG pgcy this time, I don't need the support that others might here. Anyway, thanks to everyone who emailed me but I will be peacefully leaving the board because I don't want to cause anymore friction. If it would help, feel free to have my posts deleted. I've seen debates like this break entire boards up and I certainly don't want to be the cause of that...this board is incredibly important to too many women for me to put my opinions above their needs and continue debates that are stressing others out.

Take care and I wish you all the very best!!

[emily]

Well, I don't really have a problem with anything anyone has said specifically about formula feeding or breastfeeding. I DO have a problem with the accusations of lying, trying to harm women, etc. etc.

Quite frankly, there should be a formula feeding folder on this board. That too presents a unique set of challenges, concerns and rewards.

The reason this will always ALWAYS turn into a debate is that no mother likes to feel like she has made a bad choice and so people get defensive. And that goes BOTH ways, whether you formula feed or breastfeed. It isn't nice for FF'ers to get negative comments, but breastfeeders get tons of negative comments too (why on earth would you want to breastfeed, and how how long are you going to breastfeed that child... etc etc) and need support too.

I personally feel if it is at all feasible for a mother to breastfeed, then it really is the best source of nutrition for her baby. But as intelligent women, we all know that a million other factors can play into whether or not someone chooses to breastfeed or is even able to breastfeed for that matter. I am a unique person, and I have a unique child, and I am a unique parent. I inform myself and I make the best decisions for my child, my self and my family. And I sure as heck am not going to parent exactly like anyone else out there and that is okay. If I had decided not to breastfeed because someone else didn't like that I was breastfeeding (um, my mother for example who formula fed my brother and myself) that simply would not have made sense. And people certainly should not say, oh gee, I shouldn't formula feed, because of someone else's opinion on the matter.

[jjbeck]

Emily, I do appreciate your posts and I truthfully mean that. I appreciate everyones posts re bf support. I need all the help I can get. While I cannot speak for anyone else I can say for me, I love the BF support that comes in and I want to be able to return that support to those in need. I am not sure anyone was accusing anyone of lying or trying to harm others. If there is something specific please let me know. If you are referring to what I said the direct comments, I am referring to comments such as another poster commenting another because she used formula as it was covered by whatever assistance she was getting. Weather or not we like this reason for using formula, should not matter IMO on these boards. Even if a woman opts to BF out of convienience...it should not matter on these boards...as we just do not know all of the circumstances these woman face. I think the breastfeeding forum should be kept as a breastfeeding support forum and not a formula opposition forum.

" I am a unique person, and I have a unique child, and I am a unique parent. I inform myself and I make the best decisions for my child, my self and my family"

I love this statement. I have been struggling with so many health issues and I have been having a heck of a time with others forceful opinions. Mostly inlaws and family. I both ff and bf. I need all the support I can get on the boards as I too often get the opposite from friends and family. I hear you about BFers needing support. I really need all the support I can get. As I have mentioned, I have really been struggling with BFing, I spend hours everyday looking for info and help. I have been to the LLL site as well as kelly mom and ask dr sears. I am desperate. I have seen my MD as well as spoken w/ consultants ( in the past), but can not seem to resolve the med issues I have related to BFing.My Md says I just have to live with the problems until I dont BF anymore. I really understand needing emotional support too. I plan on giving my baby breast milk for at least the 1st two years...even with the problems I have...my SIL chimed in telling me how breast milk loses its nutritional value afetr a year and I need to be doing this and that. I feel like pulling my hair out soemtimes when she starts telling me these things as her DH is an MD and she is always telling me well DH says this or DH says that....It is hard and frusterating. Anyway. Thanks for your helpful post and insights.