I Finally HAD IT!

Some people say the worst things . . .

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I Finally HAD IT!

Postby jenniz » May 29, 2004 10:04 am

:oops:

LOL, Hi Ladies! I found my way over here...its not quite as user friendly as the old forum was, but I'm sure we will get it all figured out! (I HOPE!). A funny thing happened the other day. My sister called and I just had gotten home from the hospital. She started in with the patronizing (you know the routine...) "You're doing so well. Not too much longer to go. You've come so far." blah blah blah....

Well, I started crying...I just said "Yeah, I guess so" (when I really wanted to reach through the phone and choke her!) and then she said "You know, I had morning sickness, so I know what you're going through." Again..."yeah, I guess so". Then she said something like "You know, you can just tell me to stop if I'm not helping." I said "Well, I tried that in a nice way, and it didn't work." Then she started in with the "I'm just trying to help..." and I just told her to shut up. Can people POSSIBLY be any more STUPID?!?! Then she talked to my mom and told my mom that I snapped at her...I thought I was very nice, considering what I wanted to say to her...plus, she told me to tell her to stop! OH...she irritates me. Or the people who say "Oh you sound better today." Would that be because I am not gagging and wretching on the phone right this second?!?!!? GRRRRR I can't wait til this is over!
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Glad you're here!

Postby Ivydragon » May 29, 2004 10:48 am

Hi! I'm glad you found your way over. I know this forum is much larger than you are used to, but it's organized more like HuGS was, with topics and everything, and as this takes off and gets really busy, it's so much easier to keep track of!

I'm sorry your sister is like this. It's so frustrating to never be acknowledged by the people who are in your face every day.

You're due the same day one of my sisters is! Fortunately, none of them have had HG, and I was pg first of all, so none of them could try the "I know how it feels," on me. Ironically, when I say it, they KNOW I get it. Never thought of that before.

Anyways, welcome, and I hope the next month passes VERY quickly for you. I know how horrible the wait is, and I wasn't vomiting or nauseas anymore, thank goodness for my meds.

Hugs, Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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So True

Postby Ruthy » May 29, 2004 5:24 pm

I agree with you Jenni, I've gotten really good at sounding normal when I feel like *&^($@#. I get so tired of the "Oh you must be feeling better today" or the " Your not pale green today you must be over it" Or I had morning sickness and I didn't have to go to the ER, just suck it up. Hang in there it will end soon....er or later.
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Postby jenniz » May 30, 2004 8:54 am

:oops:

Or how about when they say "You look like you're glowing today" Its like "Yeah, I just puked dinner from LAST NIGHT because it didn't digest and I was sick all night from it"...LOL, that always shuts them up! Or "yeah, retching and gagging till you can't breathe sometimes causes me to flush a bit"....
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Postby Milli » May 30, 2004 11:16 am

Oh Jenni, July can't come fast enough.
hugs
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Rowan 5/12/02 - HG pregnancy
"Charlie" edd 12/15 - normal pregnancy
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I hear you

Postby jlgrafix » May 30, 2004 9:42 pm

My husband keeps telling me it's all in my head. He makes me so made. He hasn't helped out with DS and continues to tell me it's my attitude and if I would just have a better attitude I would be better. AHHHHHHH makes me want to scream!

Jenni -- I noticed you are from the chicagoland area. Where from? I'm in Plainfield (Southwest Suburb).

Jen
----------------
Jen
DS 9-01 (HG from weeks 6-32)
Due with DD Jan 12, 05 (HG started at 6 weeks and still going)
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Postby MamaLily » May 30, 2004 10:00 pm

I have a BIG problem when people try to say that they understand or that we ought to just toughen up - when they really don't have any idea that HG is sheer torture.

When I was very sick with HG, my dh was in another city. Some of our friends invited him over for dinner. Dh was describing how sick I was and the hostess said, "Oh, I know exactly how she feels. Sometimes I felt sick when I was pregnant and one morning I even thew up." HELLO! I'm grateful that I wasn't there because I couldn't have kept my mouth shut. Some people just will never get it.

- Anna
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Postby cthmschler » Jun 01, 2004 12:49 pm

Surprisingly enough, my biggest conversational problem is with the sister who also has had 4 HG pregnancies (although she managed to work throughout her first). Of the other two sisters, one is just going through her first pregnancy and thanking God that she DOESN'T have HG, and the other has 8 kids, seem almost in better health pregnant than not, and probably knows that both of us that suffer with HG would sometimes love to strangle her, so she NEVER tries the "It'll be over soon, It's all worth it, or worse of all I know how you feel" She does, however, watch the kids frequently, (she's the only sister in the same state as me) pick up foods and snacks that she knows they like (as she also knows that my hubby has to do all the shopping and DOESN'T enjoy it!), and doesn't seem to begrudge my husband borrowing hers to help with the inevitable springtime outdoor projects, even though mine can't reciprocate this year, as he also has to do all of the household and child related chores.
Anyways, the sister who has been through HG is the worse to talk to. She had her last baby last year at about the time I'm due this year, and whenever I talk to her she's always full of comments like "just think, by this time next year you'll be packing away baby clothes like me, and this will all be behind you" and the inevitable "it's all worth it in the end" When I'm sorry, but I still can't bring myself to be even remotely happy about being pregnant in the first place! And when she asks how I'm doing medically, she'll comment something like : "Oh, I had to stop taking Zofran because of the constipation" And she didn't get sicker again when she stopped. (Yet I'm still (or rather again) vommitting everything I drink even WITH the Zofran) And her PICC line came out at around 20-something weeks, and she just elected not to have another one in "Oh, I was on the couch for a few weeks after that, but then it was better" She doesn't seem to understand that there were months (and even this far along, I still have days) where I couldn't make it to the BATHROOM without assistance, let alone the couch!! I guess I just expect someone who has been through HG to understand more, and when she doesn't it's even more frustrating than the same responses/comments from someone who doesn't have a clue.
Teresa
Mama to Micah Thomas (2-95), Noah Alexander (11-96), Quentin Louis (5-01), and (drum roll, please) Gabriel Ryan (7-04)
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Postby MamaLily » Jun 01, 2004 11:06 pm

You know, it just doesn't make sense that someone who has lived through HG would be less understanding than someone who feels great during pregnancy. I don't get it.

- Anna

P.S. I like the colored font...I thought I'd try it!
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Postby Lynan » Jun 09, 2004 7:35 am

Maybe her sister needs to realize that HG has varying degrees! I certainly have realized it reading all the posts here! I come off meds by week 15 and while I am still miserable and can feel digestion and have that awful taste in my mouth until D-Day--I am thankful I can function!

I'm thinking maybe of giving my name to my care provider so that when I am better and she gets other HG women--maybe I can help them with all the things I wished we'd had help with--groceries, meals for those that can eat, etc.....

I think the worst thing I've heard with HG was once with my second baby--this female ER doc practically told me I was sick b/c I did not want the baby (this after somehow getting dh out of the room) and suggesting maybe I just wanted an abortion.

Lyn
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Postby emily » Jun 15, 2004 10:30 pm

Maybe her sister needs to realize that HG has varying degrees! I certainly have realized it reading all the posts here!


This is sooooo true. I was just telling my mom that I realize my HG was worse than a lot of others, but it certainly wasn't as bad as some. I am getting really tired of people who really didn't have hg, maybe just a bad case of morning sickness (which is bad enough) tell me that they "know". No, they don't "know!" [/quote]
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Postby cthmschler » Jun 16, 2004 4:53 pm

My care provider (who IS usually sympathetic) sometimes seems to love to point out to me just how much worse it could be, as if I don't know! Last time she was telling me "well, some women are on TPN the whole time and can't eat ANYTHING", and "At least you're out of bed ome of the time now, some women have to be on bed rest the whole time, too" When I was just pointing out to her how much worse it was for ME than the last time I was pregnant. Sometimes I want to ask her if she does the same thing to women in a "normal" pregnancy :roll:
Teresa
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Postby leah44 » Jun 19, 2004 7:09 pm

I know how everyone feels! My siblings all think that I just want to relax on the couch right now. Urgh. My sister-in-law tells me almost every time I talk to her that, because I have Zofran, our pregnancies are now similar. I feel like saying "oh yeah, how much weight do you lose? how many times have you been so dehydrated that you have headaches for days? how many times have you been unable to eat/drink anything in a day? how many days have you been unable to even take a shower because you can't stand for that long or handle the water pressure on your body? how many times have you thrown up out of the car window?" She keeps telling me to buy Jolly Ranchers and Peppermint sucking candies. As if those would help. If so, I'd buy them in bulk! People who have not had HG have no idea how it feels. I know that I can't even know how it feels to have it much worse than I do -- and I know my cases have been mild.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Leah
Derek born 4/22/02, edd 12/6/04
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yep, same here

Postby beachgirl » Jun 24, 2004 12:36 pm

i have people like these in my life and i dont know why i let them in sometimes.
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Postby MamaLily » Jun 26, 2004 1:47 am

Lauri -

I'm sorry to hear that your mother was so unsupportive during your pregnancy. And that others felt the need to share their horrible stories with you. I agree...10 minutes with HG would teach a lot of lessons to people who don't understand.

Feel free to vent whenever you need to. We are here to support you and help you!

Take care. I hope this pregnancy is better than last time for you! :)

- Anna
"The little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over." - Aesop
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Different degrees

Postby OldMom » Jul 05, 2004 1:38 pm

Hi All,

What a great forum! I wish I had access to somethig like this with my first three pregnancies. It is good to have true understanding and support.

I had different degrees of HG with each prenancy, with the third being the worst. I got "crackered" each time. With this prenancy I have had NO patience with the comments, making sure each time I would repeat the words "This is NOT morning sickness." which would always bring about a look of confusion on faces. I could then try to explain... but inevitably the dreaded suggestions would come up (ugh). Even though I realize people only want to help, it is still almost impossible for me to listen to them without snapping back.

This forth pregnancy is different in that I have the luxury to not even try once to " just do it", in other words, not try to get up and do things in spite of being sick. I spend all of my time off my feet watching TV and sleeping. I believe it helped me lessen the symptoms so much that , although extreamly difficult, have been able to keep my liquids and bits of food down. I spend hours on the couch after getting up to go to the bathroom, to get a glass of water etc, then concentrating on not throwing up. After only thinking one day at a time I finally got to my 16th week, and then, I could feel the relief of not constantly feeling sick. I was blessed this time with a less severe case of HG that I was actually able to control somewhat. I have bad days still, and gaining some of the weight back that was lost is still a struggle. But I am one of the fortunate ones.

Another comment from people that ruffles my feathers is " are you excited about the baby?". I have never once, in all my pregnancies, been excited about being pregnant while in the throws if HG. I would seceretly wish that I would miscarry so I could escape the nightmare. HG made me very depressed. Afterwards I would then, of course, feel awfully guilty about those terrible thoughts during my HG days.

Thank you to all of you on this forum for sharing your thoughts :-)
Jennifer in Chattanooga, Tennessee

4 HG pregnancies
21 year old girl
19 year old girl
14 year old boy
due 12/3/04 Girl (She's a gift I didn't ever expect, and still trying to get used to.)
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