Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

sonnenschein_britta wrote:"You know you have Hg when..."

....your leg hair is so long that its not scratchy anymore

LAUGHING TO TEARS!!!!

These are hilarious!

*When you make your co-worker cry for accidentally cooking food containing red sauce in the office

*When you automatically move the bathroom rug when you vomit so you don't pee on it

*When your friends know which enemas to get from the pharmacy and can list all of your meds

*When the staff at the dr's offc. cheers because you gained a pound

*When a few bags of fluid make you feel SOOOO GOOOOD!

*When your friend's boyfriend asks how often your bowels have been moving and is sincerely interested

*When you go into pre-term labor and you're not sure that you want it to stop

You know you have HG when:

* You can shock your co-workers by telling them not only what detergent and fabric softener they used on their clothes, but what deoderant they are wearing and what they had for breakfast... all from 5 feet away.

* You know where not only every toilet is in every public place, but also where every sink, bush and semi-private puke spot is.

* You already carry baby wipes, even though the baby isn't born yet, for quick face clean ups.

* You spend more time looking at of the underside of your toilet than you do the TV.

Kris

When you can hear your tounge peel away from the roof of your mouth.

-when your husband hears other men talking about their pregnant wife- he asks them if she has a pump...that qualifies as a pregnancy to him
-your hemmies are bigger then your belly bump
- the smell of toilet water makes you sick (er)

When you have strategies for puking depending on your location etc:
paper cups with lids while out of the house
Sittting on the toilet into a bowl when wee puking

My DH and I laughed and laughed at these last night. A few to add:

You know you have HG when...

* the most strenuous thing you've done in days (if not weeks) is take an assisted shower.
* your kids greet people at the door with "mommy's throwing-up again."
* you talk with your mom and she says "that's great!" when you tell her you've only thrown up 12 times today.
* your 4 year old asks to cuddle with you by saying "I won't wiggle the bed, I promise."
* you've been released from the hospital to home health care because the smells are making you worse.
* your dh/dp says "we'll just round it up" in counting calories you may have gotten down that day.
* you tell the ER or floor nurses what gauge needle to use for your IV... and then you ask them to find someone from oncology or the NICU to do it.
* you can't sleep on your stomach, not because of a bump but because it will make you vomit.
* people say "is the baby getting everything it needs?" and you think "baby? I'M the one that's sick!"
* you've thought of your baby as a parasite and think it's kind of cute.
* you look in the mirror and could swear that there was a cast member from Schindler's List standing in front of you in full make-up.
* going shopping for baby things sounds so exhausting you think "I'll do it when the HG is over."

and from my DH: "You know your dh/dp has HG when..."

* you've gained the 20 pounds she's lost from eating all the foods formally known as "safe."
* the most action you've gotten in months was holding her up in the shower.
* you hide in the pantry to eat anything at all.
* you choose your foods based on how they're going to make you smell later... and turn down your favorite dishes because the garlic in them will make her sick.
* you're excited to run to the grocery store because she's willing to try something new and it just might work.
* you can kiss puke breath and tell her she's gorgeous when she looks like death warmed over.
* you see the due date as finally getting a break.
* you've become quite the good cook on the grill and camp stove.

I think I'm going to have to send me mom to read these, she'll love them! Thanks.

Jessica

--When the home care nurse blows three of you veins in a row and you tell her (desperately) to keep trying.

--When you cry tears of gratitude when home care starts and cry when it ends.

--When your five year old strokes you hair back and says, "I wish you were normal again."

--When you tell your dr that your safe food is a baby ruth candy bar and he says, "well, atleast you getting protein from the nuts," and he is happy your eating

--When the office staff at the drs ask your name then tells you to come right in with out asking what the problem is.

--When you have a vomitting routine that you automatically do no matter the time or how ill you are (take off all cloths, put hair in pony tail, put on shower cap...)

--When you are on first name terms with your dr and invite her to your baby's christianing.

--When you are 20 weeks and still able to wear a fitted non pg dress and people say, "You look great! What is your secret." and you say, "Get pregnant."

--When you weep uncontrollably because your RX bottle only has one Zofran left.

--When your insurance co approves drugs before your dr requests it.

I think I could go on forever. I hope I didn't repeat anyones. I tried to think of new one. So far all but one have been applicable to me LOL.

when you go to the new OB (cuz your first one was an idiot) and they are happy to meet the woman behind the largest file they have (from all the home health care and hospital notes)

when after you've delivered--every time your get a sick feeling...you automatically think you're pregnant

(after birth)- when refering to nausea, instead of saying i feel like i'm going to vomit- you say i feel pregnant

i know this one might be a stretch- but when your husband begs for some loving (cuz it's been 3 months) you seriously consider emptying the savings and sending him to the strip club to leave you alone

LMAO at the last one!!!!

Can relate to that - thought of that MANY times throughout (and after!) the pregnancy!!! Hee hee!

...When you fantasize about having diarrhea because you have been on zofran too long.

....When your 3 yr old tells you it is time to change your site Mommy..

...When your husband wants to get back at you he asks you what you want for dinner...

....When you buy enemas in a value pack....

...When people say how much longer you calculate your pregnancy in days rather than months or trimesters...

..When people think your pump is a cute fashion accessory or ask how long you have had diabetes.

...When someone hears you are sick they tell you how they too were sick but theirs only lasted the first few weeks...have you tried saltines?...

..When you start to contemplate if Zofran actually causes increased intelligence or just beauty when you look at your HG kids.

Oh, this is fantastic. This is the only place where I feel like people really understand!!

* When you are a connoisseur of toilets, and you know where the "good ones" are when you go out in public

* When you talk to the dr's office so often you know the entire staff by first name. And they know you all by your first name too. You don't even need to give your last name, let alone medical record #, etc.

You find out your sister, another HGer, is thinking about ttcing and you want to send a care package for when she gets her . You start your list with:
Glycerine suppositories
Enemas (4 pack)
Gift cards to every safe restraunt she had last time
Double lock ziplock freezer bag (best for preventing spills)
Unisom
And left over phengren and zofran (because you know she already has her RX for them)
All of the left over home care supplies you have...
Ear plugs and eye covers (for sensory deprivation)
Shower cap (to prevent vomit from getting in her hair)
And activities for her dd.

And then you frantically rack your brain for more ideas...

Then when your non-HG SIL gets pg, you send her...
A box of Saltines
Ginger snaps
Preggie pops
and Sprite

Both appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Lol!

When you are a connoisseur of toilets, and you know where the "good ones" are when you go out in public

When you need to be a connoisseur of "good" toilets .... just so you can be sick in them!

I love the ones that involve DH, especially sending him to a strip club or finding internet porn.

Here is a couple of my own from more recently:
---you care more about finding a "good" place to throw up on the side of the road during rush hour, than about the poor people driving nearby (my DH: "what about the people driving?" my answer: "They have to find their own spot")

---your OB jokes that on your next pg (perish the thought), they will have to mark your name because of how often you will call with NOTHING wrong instead.

I don't know, I think they are amusing, hope you do too.

OMG Eliana - I loooove your side of the road conversation!

You know you have HG when...

- You retreat outside on a cold day because the air smells so clean.

- You retreat outside when the smell of cooking overwhelms you.

- When the nurses can identify you based solely on your urine sample. (Had a nurse I had never talked to before let me know that the paperwork for Home Healthcare had been finalized when I was handing my urine sample to another nurse.)

- When the sight of someone digging around in your arm trying to find the vein that was "right there" no longer phases you and you allow her to keep searching for the incredible disappearing vein.

- When you have dreams about cleaning the house only to wake up to the usual disaster.