Need Some Answers

[Brenda]

For those of you who were on the HuGs board I was Cinnee1. Those of you who weren't here's my history. I have a 18 month old DD, HG survivor. Compared to some other HGer's on the board at the time mine was kinda moderate/mild. I swore while I was pg I would never do it again. Now I think I've forgotten what it's like because we want to TTC in August.

I am so unsure if I am making the right decision. What if my HG is worse and I end up in the hospital??? My DH works FT and is going to school FT to become a nurse. WHo will take care of dd. Will she be emotionally OK if I can't take adequate care of her (Ie. spend quality time)??

What should I do??? Any insight??? How do I prepare and/or sort this out???

Thanks
Brenda the confused

[Ivydragon]

Well, the answer is so easy: Follow your heart.

The journey to discover the answer, though, appears to be a twisted road full of pot holes and obscured by fog. It's not, really! Do you want another child? If HG is enough of a deterrant, are the roads to adoption or surrogacy open in your hearts? How badly do you want this. Anything can happen if it's really important.

So, dh is in school, and working full-time, ok, so he has to commit to following a routine while he's home and taking care of the basics - perhaps paying for help! Your daughter will not be emotionally scarred forever. She won't even remember! Aaron was taken care of by family or day care for 6 weeks during my worst w/ Anna's pg, and he doesn't remember a thing. Yeah, he was affected a bit at the time, but once he was back home with me 24x7, he was his old self again.

Make a plan, prepare a protocol, think this through. They are only road blocks if ttc is the right choice for you again, and they can be solved. Your heart knows the answer - and you won't be alone in your journey. You know that. Examine one issue at a time.

Hey, how's the Michigan summer? We're in Northen Idaho now in our new home, and I was so surprised to discover that driving across the plain we live on looks so much like Michigan to me! lol. Yet, I can still see my mountains. Hope you are well.

Andy

[Brenda]

Oh Andy,

Michigan summer here has been wet, wet & wet. We have had more rain this summer so far than last year. I saw the picture of your backyard you posted for me on the old board and I am so jealous. The view was breathtaking!!! We are in a populated suburban area so our view is nothing like that. We hope to build in 5-10 years. RIght now we have the world's best neighbors and I couldn't tear myself away from them.

Ohhh. I know what my heart says. My heart yearns for a baby, but my brain tells me no. The logical side of me is trying to tell myself to be thankful I have Bella and to just feel blessed and content. But everytime I see a baby or even look at Bella, I know I want another.

DH has been telling me no forever and just this past Tuesday he told me he has given it thought and he really wants another and he would like to try this August. I was so elated, then fear set in. I called my Ins. Co and they will only cover 9 pills of Zofran per refill and it's a $20 co-pay. I cried over that. That's a chunk of change. We are trying to save so maybe I can stay home when the baby comes. Then I look at Bella and wonder what am I going to do when I'm too sick to play.

Then I started doing research and it seems that everybody says the 2nd pg is worse. Everytime I see this, I just feel this pit in my stomach, like it's a sign.

I'm just a wimp. I don't think I can handle HG again much less worse HG. Surrogacy and adoption our out as per DH.

I just don't know if I should wait and maybe the answer will come to me or to just jump in head first and deal with HG as it comes.

Thanks for your response.

How is your China adoption going?? I tried to follow the old board as much as I could but work has been so busy and when I get home I never get a chance to get on-line. How are the kiddo's?? Are you loving your new house???

Hugs to You
Brenda

[aaronsmommy]

Well I sure don't have any answers, but I just wanted to say hi, and it's good to see you here.
Have you asked about whether they would cover the zofran pump (usually supplied by the home health company Matria)? For my first pg we had the same issue with zofran, but they covered the pump with out a single copay!
I met someone today who is on her 3rd pg and with #1 she had hg with IVs and all (probably similar in severity to yours), with #2 she had "regular morning sickness" and with #3 she's at 10 weeks and says it's the best of all, she sometimes throws up in the morning but feels normal the rest of the day, and is starting to get better already (yeah the baby is fine and was checked today)!
It seems like everyone else with kids the same age as ours are getting pg again now, I sure wish I could too.
I can't believe how big our babies are getting!

[PamelaRose]

Hey, Brenda! How exciting to see you here in the preparation folder! Such a hard decision to make - for me, it came down to remembering my mom's final days. She died at 40 of colon cancer (I was 19), and when we talked about her life the one thing she regretted was that she never had the 3rd baby she'd always dreamed of. My parents made a mutual decision after my brother was born to stop at 2 children, but Mom always secretly wondered what another baby would have been like. Anyways, I put my own dilemma into perspective by thinking about it that way: at the end of my life, would not having another baby be something I'd regret, or could I really be happy with the way things were. For me, I knew I'd regret not trying, but others may decide that trying and going through the pain of HG would be more of a regret. It's really what's inside of you; I wish you luck in making your decision.

How is Bella? You really need to show some pictures of that little cutie! Does she still have all that marvelous hair?

[Ivydragon]

Rainy, huh? We had rain, too, but it wasn't Michigan rain. Just remembering that actually makes me glad I'm not there. Interesting.

Ok, so get ready to laugh! Well, our China adoption plans turned into hosting a foreign exchange student this fall from Japan! Adoption plans have turned local, 1/2 the price, and a NEWBORN. We're not paired w/ a birthmom yet, but are just starting to work on our portfolio, and I wrote my dear birthmom letter last night. Thinking about posting it here.

I love my new home. Ok, sleeping in the unfinished basement is not the funnest, but I'm adjusting, and hoping to have it finished enough for the kids to inhabit the basement by the end of summer. We're finally getting some neighbors moving in, and it's just so exciting! I designed my home for our needs, and so that I would love it, and I truly do. I don't think I've ever lived in a place that fit so comfortably.

I honestly can't see that beautiful mountain out my backdoor, anymore. Now there is a house there, so I have to go outside and stand in the side of my yard (oh shucks, huh).

Yeah, HG gets harder to control each time, but I've been asking repeat HGers lately about how much more difficult it is, and they keep saying that they are handling it better than the first time - that even if it's awful it's not neccessarily worse overall - taking everything into consideration. There have been cases of HG that were totally out of control, and that was why the HGers suffered so much, and proactive treatment made it so much more manageable. Maybe you could spend some time writing up a protocol, see how you feel in a month. We will support you regardless of what you choose.

I know what you mean about wanting another. I'm nutso. I tear up at every new baby I see. I told myself for years I'd be ok never mothering a newborn again - I was so unprepared to discover how much it actually means to me. I feel just as excited about this adoption agency, and applying as I did about conceiving my first, or 2nd, or getting our 3rd. Twins even look good! (What am I saying?!?). All that neat excitement is back. Come to think of it, I've not been this excited about babies for over a year. Maybe I'm finally healing.

Your logic isn't neccessarily wrong, you know. HG is hard. But living with broken dreams, that's tough, too.

Huge hugs, Andy

[Brenda]

Well I sure don't have any answers, but I just wanted to say hi, and it's good to see you here.
Have you asked about whether they would cover the zofran pump (usually supplied by the home health company Matria)? For my first pg we had the same issue with zofran, but they covered the pump with out a single copay!
I met someone today who is on her 3rd pg and with #1 she had hg with IVs and all (probably similar in severity to yours), with #2 she had "regular morning sickness" and with #3 she's at 10 weeks and says it's the best of all, she sometimes throws up in the morning but feels normal the rest of the day, and is starting to get better already (yeah the baby is fine and was checked today)!
It seems like everyone else with kids the same age as ours are getting pg again now, I sure wish I could too.
I can't believe how big our babies are getting!

Aimee,

Thanks. It feels good to be here!! For so long I just visited the board here and there and I think I just finally realized that I was so afraid of reading other HGer's posts and I would chicken out. Now I know I need to face the memories to make a clear decision. Thank you so much for sharing with me the story of your patient who seemed to lessen with each pg. I know there's no way to predict what will happen but at least I have hope now.
I know what you mean about everybody having babies. I have 2 friends who just had babies and 2 expecting. Talk about baby itch!! I think the hard thing for me is packing away all the baby things. I went thru a month ago and organized all them in tubs. It made me want to get pg right away!!! For so long I just hoped to have another and DH said we were done. Then when we got the suprise pregnancy & miscarriage in March DH hinted he wanted another but the time frame was up in the air. He kinda shocked me buy wanting to try in Aug. I think I was so happy he finally relented I forgot about HG until my mom rained on my parade by hinting that we shouldn't have another.

I have been researching the pump and I will ask my doctor when I go next month for my annual. I had planned on asking for a script for Zofran in advance and picking their brain about any new protocol options. I think I am just overwhelmed with things to work out.

How's Aaron??? What's new with him??? I know there's probably so much. It seems like they learn something new every day. They ARE getting so big, way, way too big!!! How's your practice???

Hugs and send hugs to Aaron.
Brenda

[Brenda]

Pamela,

Hey there. I am so, so sorry to hear about your mom's passing at such a young age. I literally had tears in my ears while reading. It kind of puts things in perspective. I think I am finally deciding I will do it again but the when and how I prepare are the problems now. I do think I would regret not having another. Thanks so much for your reply.

Bella is doing great. Still that strong willed child!! ( ) But I love it. She challenges my patience quite a bit but I think once I quit work my patience will grow. I am horrible with posting pictures. That is one of my computer weaknesses. When I figure it out, I will post. Yes, she still has a ton of hair. It's amazing. Always in her face though.

How are your little ones?? Are you guys enjoying the summer??? It's so awesome you have the nice time of the year off. What's new with the kiddo's?? What phases are they in now???

Hugs
Brenda

[aaronsmommy]

I'm sure Bella is so much fun it must be hard not to want another. Of all the people I know outside of the hugs board who had their first baby within 6 months before or after Aaron, they are all either pregnant, trying, or already delivered their second!
It's sad not to be able to join them.
I'm finally quiting my horrible job, my last day is Monday. I think I'm going to be there til midnight finishing up! I'll be doing my own practice and starting the end of next week. It's rather terrifying!
Aaron is wonderful. He's quite a sweetheart, loves to cuddle still (and still nursing), but all boy (he loves trucks, trains, cars, rocks, sticks, bugs . . .)
It's such a fun age, I just love it.
It would be great to see pictures of Bella if you figure out how. Aaron always gets a kick out of seeing his little hg girlfriends!
Good luck on the planning, I really hope you get to have a better pg this time!

[PamelaRose]

Hi, Brenda - The little voice inside is getting stronger? "Baby...baby...baby." So insistant, too! Reilly has decided that she's a big girl and refuses to do anything her big brother and sister don't do. So the high chair is shoved in the corner of the room in favor of a booster. And her crib is vacant as she climbs in bed with Avery every night. We really need to get her her own big bed, but I just can't deal with taking apart the sweet crib I've had a baby in since 1998 and storing it away forever. But that's the next step, I suppose. She's getting so big!

I'm glad to hear that Bella makes her presence known, too! We think of it as getting our money's worth after HG. My girls are a bit testy, as well. Especially Curly, her daddy's arch-nemesis. Avery is sweetness and light with an inner core of steel, but little Reilly has none of that charm--she's rough-edges and grit, and poor Daddy is exasperated about dealing with "the little horned monster." lol! We're enjoying our summer vacation, but I cannot believe July is here and it's half over. Ugh! We had so many plans, and I don't think ANYTHING has been accomplished! Oh well, there's always next year, right? How is work going for you - still hoping to be stay-at-home? Any closer to that? I love being home now, and Reilly is a difficult mesh with daycare, but I'd seriously go insane if I was here every day. Bad mommy, but I freely admit that fact.

I hope things work out for you and the best-case scenario works out. Give Bella a big smooch and GET SOME PICTURES UP! I only have wispy, thin little curls to work with here, so I'd love to see a real head of hair. Keep in touch.

[Cheri]

Hi Brenda,
I know I'm way late in responding to this. Amazing how that drive for babies sucks us in, isn't it?

As far as each pg being worse, that may be true...mine certainly were worse...the 2nd AND the 3rd. However, I also was doing NOTHING proactive to prevent that. I just sat back and waited for it to hit me. You have a huge advantage this time...you can be prepared and act proactively. That doesn't mean it will be easy...it will still be hard. I've had a really good pg so far this time and it has still been a challenge. BUT this time you are prepared ahead of time...you have more weapons to help prevent HG from taking control.

Bella...it may be hard on her...but she will survive. I've felt bad for my dds each pg...but they do seem to come through none the worse for wear. (Although they've had an awfully boring summer & watched a lot of TV) And life soon returns to normal & they have their new siblings around to enjoy & play with (AND fight with

Nice to see you here. Good luck in the planning!!

[Brenda]

Cheri -

Thanks. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. Yeah, I guess I should start being proactive but I am just so unsure of what to do and I kinda just want to stop obsessing over it. I know it's very stupid but I feel like if I just forget about it and just "end up pg" I can just cope when I have to. Like I said it's stupid I know. Plus my dd's temperment is reaching record levels of "Sucking the patience out of mom" and some days I just don't know what to do with her. I can't imagine having HG and trying to fight with her. I just don't have the energy now. We are trying a new book 1-2-3 Magic on her and I hope that will improve her temper tantrums. according to EVERYBODY "it's just a stage". Well it seems to me we are stuck here way too long. LOL.

How are you doing????

[PamelaRose]

1-2-3 Magic has worked really well with my kids, Brenda. Doesn't stop the tantrums, but at least gives you a sane way to deal with them. The hardest part here was getting my DH to understand the concept...he had a hard time committing to the concept of going to 3 and only 3!

[burntcarmine]

Oh Hi brenda how are you? I am so late in replying. I just want to say that my experience was that my second pg was actually easier than my first but absolutely not easy. I also know that my second wrote her first short story today and I am still enthralled with it. Hg is awful its torture, but children are forever.

Its only you that can know which side of the decision to fall on. All I can say is that I have never heard of an hg mom say that she wished she hadn't had that baby, that they weren't worth it. We say it all the time some of us, during the pg but I don't believe I have heard a mother once she is over hg and holding the baby say it wasn't worth it...

bless you in trying to figure this out,
christina

[Brenda]

Pamela,

Thanks. I think the tough part about it is learning how to handle it. We tried time outs because we felt awful spanking, then decided we were failing so we spanked (Swatted is more like it) then it got worse and we were so confused. At least this is giving us direction. The tough part is when we are out & about. Also my dh has Bella all day so who knows what goes on and what will be enforced. She has him SO tightly wrapped around her little finger. LOL.

I have yet to get the book. I need to make it to the book store. Across from my office, there are several child psychologists and I was chatting with one and she told me this book is awesome and she basically outlined it for me. So we are trying it. It helps me keep my cool and it seems like I am not yelling as much.

Thanks for your input & expertise. How's the summer going??? Probably too fast for you huh???

[PamelaRose]

That was the problem here, too. Troy would be disciplining and I'd hear him start counting...1,2,3,4,5--WHAT?! He did much better once he sat down and actually read the info, but we were struggling with HIM more than the kids at first! But it worked...We started for Brody, who was little and mouthy then, but Baby Avery picked right up and actually would count herself at 18 months. Very funny! Reilly is a pain and takes it right to 2, but she will cooperate before we hit 3. It's so tough dealing with a strong-headed child, and this at least gave us direction.

Summer? What summer? It's been really wet and rainy here, so we haven't felt very summery. But it's been great to be home and driven insane by my own kids, for a change. We're visiting the zoo next week, and next weekend our new puppy comes, so that should keep us busy. I'm getting far too used to sleeping in until 7 a.m., though, so I'll be in for a rude awakening come September. How are things with you? I know you've always wanted to stay home--any developments there? Hope you're enjoying your summer, and I am just smiling after reading Christina's awesome message. She's so right!

[Cheri]

Well, I can't give advice about being proactive without obsessing...I don't think I managed it

I've seen a video on 1-2-3 Magic & it makes a lot of sense. I find that whatever method of the moment is working for us, it helps me to remain calm to have easy guidelines in place. It seems like we have to change tactics from time to time, though because old stuff eventually stops getting their attention.

My favorite method of the moment is to have my dds run laps around the outside of the house "You have so much energy you needed to punch your sister? I think you guys need to run it off!" By the end they always seem to be laughing & getting along again!!

I am actually doing really well...feeling the best I ever have this early in pg! Of course that has had me really paranoid, but we just went for an ultrasound yesterday & everything looked great!! (& although it's really too early to be sure, we think it may be a boy this time )

[Brenda]

Christina,

Hey there. I have been trying to post back but everytime I type a message I get caught in a log-in loop and my message never gets posted and it says Greetings Guest. AGHHH. I am copying this just in case. I think it's my computer, the cookies setting is all wacked out.

I miss talking to you. You MUST bring me up to date on school and all the girls. How's your painting???

Yeah, I am taking the plunge next month. I have decided I will deal with HG when it hits and go from there. I think you are right, I will never regret another baby. (Maybe during HG). I am just keeping my eyes on the prize. Whenever I get anxiety about HG, I just keep thinking about those first few minutes with the new baby. I also keep thinking how cute Bella will be with a new brother or sister. I really need to sit down and start preparing. I ovulate in the middle of the month and the middle of August is coming quickly. I am going Wednesday (28th) to my OB for my yearly exam and I plan on going over everything with her and hopefully walking away with a script for Zofran. We'll see!!!

Feel free to post any advice you have for me. I guess I need to head over to the TTC discussions.

Can't wait to hear what's new with you.
Brenda (Crossing my fingers this will post)