Am I mad?

Discuss ways to prepare yourself, your family, and your protocol for HG.

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Am I mad?

Postby hurryup » Aug 21, 2013 8:27 am

This is my predicament.

I have 2 year old twins from IVF. I had severe (or what I would class as severe) HG until the 21 week mark. Hospitalised on average every 2nd/ 3rd day for IV fluids. I live in Ireland & unfortunately HG is not really treated here, apart from administering IV fluids. IE no medication is used. It was by far the most awful experience of my life & I have been completely traumatized by it ever since. Not a day has gone by in the 2 years that I haven’t relived it over & over. Not just the physical suffering but also the effects it had on my mind at the time. I never realized I could actually lose control of my thoughts & regularly lay in a dark room unable to move hallucinating for hours. I was convinced of certain things like my babies were going to die/ the babies were trying to kill me etc. It really was the lowest point of my life. The only thing that kept me going was the absolute determination to have these much wanted babies & get them here safe & sound. Thank God that did happen & they were born perfectly healthy at 37 weeks. However the delivery went very bad, I had a post partum hemorrhage, lost 4 litres of blood, numerous transfusions, 3 surgeries and best part of a week in intensive care. The recovery was horrendous and took a long time.

Two years on I am getting help for post traumatic stress and am starting to see a counselor. My twins are the absolute joy in my life and were of course worth all the suffering.

Now, the problem I have is we have one frozen embryo left from that IVF. And we need to make a decision on what to do about this. Following the birth I was absolutely terrified of every becoming pregnant again & was convinced it was just a no go. I had thoughts that maybe we could donate our embryo. I have started looking into our options recently as time is marching on & it is on my mind every day. Donation is very complicated as there is no legal framework here for such thing. Not to mention how I might feel about giving my “potential” baby away. So obviously I need to consider trying to have this baby.

For those of you faced with a decision on having another baby after a HG pregnancy how on earth did you decide? Would also love to hear some details of some pre emptive treatments as IF I was to consider this I really need to look into medicating this time. Although this is something I’m scared about, the general feeling here is medicating while pregnant is not a good idea. (after scandals like Thalidamide etc) My doctor has said we could try Zofran. Are there any other types of medication or even natural remedies others have tried? By the way, options like Picc lines, at home care , are not available here unfortunately.

Would really love to hear from anyone who may have been in a similar situation. Thanks
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Re: Am I mad?

Postby DebbieS » Aug 22, 2013 6:54 am

Hi, you are not mad - but sensible to be thinking about your options. I had a couple similarities to you. I'm from Australia (no PICC, home health, zofran pump). 2nd preg I was initially given no meds (told too dangerous), went into hospital for IVs every second day. After 2 weeks of this they hospitalised me long term with saline IV and IV meds. To cut a long story short, I went close to 5 weeks without any nutrition, had a lot of organ damage, lost the pregnancy and needed lots of rehabilitation afterwards. Like you, I saw a therapist because of PTSD. He (and this site) made sure I researched thoroughly for another HG preg - and believed the more I prepared the less stressed I would be. I assembled a large folder of research & ideas. Maybe by researching your options you can decide which way to go.
Some ideas:
- you need a good GP and Ob/ high risk Dr to agree on a treatment plan before ttc (this is really really hard & will involve lots of time, bad appointments and thinking laterally to beat the system)
- prepare as if you will be completely unable to look after your twins while you are pregnant
- find lots of research / hospital protocols about meds, pre-emptive treatment
- Drs usually are happier with meds that have been used a long time (more established safety record)
- get your Drs on boards with some meds options, particularly zofran and antihistamines that you can take early on
- agree on a plan beyond saline IVs if you can't manage your nutrition. We agreed on steroids, and if that didn't work an NJ tube/hospitalisation
- continue to see a therapist - the skills you learn will help give you the strength to mentally fight HG again. I found self hypnosis useful in particular.
- I did try some alternative stuff like acupuncture, naturopathy, Chinese medicine. While I think the acupuncture helped me conceive naturally without IVF this last time, it didn't help the HG much.
- use this website for ideas / support
- find others in Ireland who have survived HG
Good luck. Even if you decide on the basis of your options that you can't go through it again the research will help give closure
DS 2003; Loss 2005.
DD 2007.
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