Never thought I would be in this folder....HELP

Discuss ways to prepare yourself, your family, and your protocol for HG.

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Never thought I would be in this folder....HELP

Postby mammaclare » Sep 27, 2004 10:39 am

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Yesterday, Dh said to me "Do you want to have another baby?" (he knows I do). Of course I replied that I do and he said "Well, then let's have another baby" Now, he was trying to get some play, so I took it not so seriously.

Seems he WAS serious. So, for a year now, he has been my convenient excuse not to TTC another. I really DO want another baby-desperately. But, I do NOT want to have hyperemesis another 8 months straight and I am terrified of getting pregnant again and having it be even worse. Recurrance rate is about 75-90%.

It has been easy to say "poor me, I want another baby and am willing to barf my guts out for months, and be off work and be bedridden on an IV BUT my husband won't agree". Now, he IS agreeing to it and all of a sudden I am so scared. Maybe I am NOT strong enough mentally to go it again. Maybe I was just making it seem like HIS choice when it was really me too?

We still have a lot of talking to do on this...in order to do it again, we have to find a time when I can be out of commission for months, we have to have a pre-conception appointmetn with a new OB and talk about our protocol for when I get sick, we have to have family and friends lined up to help out with everything, we have to plump up savings in case I lost my job (I am the only breadwinner) this time. The list goes on. I can't simply decide to TTC and then get PG like most people...I have to basically plan for the 9th circle of hell.

So...now that my convenient excuse of DH not being on board is gone, I am so lost. Am I really strong enough to do it? Do I want to risk my job? Do I want to not be able to care for ROry for months? Do I want to feel like **** for 3/4 of a year?

The bottom line is that I would move heaven and earth for Rory and so I want to have another being I feel that way about--and I want Rory to have siblings. We talked adoption but I am afraid I would't feel the same about that child. I am so confused right now.....
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Clare
Mommy to Rory Benjamin 8-28-03
And Kieran Alexander 12-15-06
HG Babies-Week 5 to The Bitter End!
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Postby aaronsmommy » Sep 27, 2004 8:56 pm

That's so great!
I can completely understand feeling overwhelmed right now. but give yourself some time to adjust and prepare before you take the plunge. Luckily the trying is fun and even if you go though the back and forth of indecision, you usually get pg anyway and then the decision is made.
I wish you all the best, and I can't say that I'm not a bit jealous here!
Good luck.
Aimee

Aaron 12/4/02
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Postby mammaclare » Nov 03, 2004 8:40 pm

I am bumping this because I need some more feedback...or positive input...or anything. I was sad that I didn't get much in the way of replies, and am thinking that things in this folder may get missed.

So, anything to add or commiserate? Anyone?

Thanks--
Clare
Mommy to Rory Benjamin 8-28-03
And Kieran Alexander 12-15-06
HG Babies-Week 5 to The Bitter End!
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Postby MamaLily » Nov 04, 2004 1:14 am

Clare -

Well, I can definitely relate to you! It's easy to think - theoretically - that you want another baby and would go through HG again for that baby. But then really making the decision, getting sick, etc. is another story! I go back & forth all the time about this....it is such a hard decision to make!

My DH is the one who is ready and willing to have another one. The other day I said, "Why don't we just go ahead and have a baby?" And he said, "Yes, Let's do." It kind of drives me nuts, because I think about this ALL THE TIME and he just casually says, "Okay." On my side, it's just not that easy. I realize that the strain on him from HG will be hard, but not compared to the potential HELL that I face.

For me, one of the hardest parts of HG prep is asking family & friends to help. I really don't like asking people for help. And when I was at the worst of HG, I could not do one thing. So I need around-the-clock help for 2 people - me & my 2-year-old (who is strong-willed and active). That is a lot to ask of my family, even though I know they will do it for me and another baby.

I am surrounded constantly with pregnant women. Everywhere I go, women are having lots of babies without needing to plan every minute of the next nine months. And it's very hard for me to see it. It's not that I'm upset with them...I feel more sadness than anger or jealosy. I grieve for the loss of planning my family in the way I want.

A few months ago I was ready to adopt. But the last few months I haven't felt as positive about it. I'm just not sure that it's the right thing for me and my family.

Well, I'm sorry this is so long! I am thinking about this constantly! It's good to muse with others in a similar situation!

- Anna
"The little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over." - Aesop
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Postby nomore » Nov 04, 2004 11:31 am

Clare,

Having recetnly been in your spot, I thought twice on whether I should reply to your post. I am now about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and have spent the morning vomitng :(

No one knows but you if you are ready to do this and if you really think you can. I was ready to do this,a nd still glad we did, as Im about 7 weeks closer to NEVER having to be pregnant again!

I posted my protocol somewhere around here for Joanna. Let me know if you want me to repost it again for you.

Good luck

Robin
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Postby J&Jmom » Nov 05, 2004 9:21 am

Clare,

Only you can decide if you can handle another 3/4 yr of HG. I had it both times w/my two girls. I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them. So here I am, in the midst of HG for the 3rd time. I thought I had all my ducks in a row: great medical care, supportive husband, nanny...and it's still terrible. I started having panic attacks at 7 wks while hooked up to an IV, wondering how I'm going to get through this. It's so terrible. I had times where I just stared at the wall, slack-jawed, crying b/c I didn't have the strength to even read a book or watch a movie. I'm now at 11 wks. I've been taking 4 mg Zophran every 3 hours, and I'm functioning! I'm even going to work everyday. I'm eons betters than 4 wks ago. I didn't have Zophran during my other pregs. B6 did nothing for me, I hate phenergan b/c all I do is sleep and it leaves me feeling drugged. The 8mg Zophran was too hard on my stomach.

If you do go through it again, I'd recommend getting your financial situation cleared up first, and like you said, help for Rory. Keep in mind, that no matter how horrible HG is, it's for 9 mths and your child is around, hopefully, for a lifetime.

Good luck with any decision you make.

Danielle P.
3 HG pregnancies:
* EDD 05/23/05
* Jordan Fay 10/26/98
* Jessica Lucie 04/10/01
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preconception plan

Postby ischa » Nov 05, 2004 11:27 am

Hi, I read your post and know exactly how you feel. I have suffered through 3 hg preganancies. My last one ended in a miscarriage at 16 weeks after losing 20% of my body wieght (I was tiny to begin with so I think my body just gave up). My heart was broken. I deeple desire more children but am petrified of having another hg pregnancy.

One positive thing that has come from my miscarriage is that I am researching everything I can find. I think if my little one had lived I would have held her and thought what all of us think "They are so worth it" and hg begins to pale as you forget about it and love your little one. I think because I didn't get to hold her hg has become some sort of enemy I want to know everything about before I conceive again. I have found some interesting info. I have spoken to drs, and an md who specializes in accupuncture...

We are putting a bunch of these things into practice and plan on trying again around the New Year. I hope some of these things may help you. Some of them are difficult and I have actually been looking for a partner of sorts to keep me accountable on some of them.

Here they are:

begin taking milk thistle and dandelion root, these are liver building herbs,hg is beginning to be linked to the hcg hormone slowing down the liver processes which in turn causes the naseau, vomiting

begin accupuncture 3 months in advance of conception, some studies have shown a decrease in women who are in the midst of hg w/ accu. My guy is and MD who practices accu. He is not in any way into "eastern philosophies", he simply believes accu. stimulated the nervouse systems to heal deffeciencies in organ processes. If you take care of these before conception it may reduce the chances of Hg

Now here is the hard one. I found a dr. who has treated several Hgers. She has had amazing success with having patients do a complete cleasing diet for 3 months prior to conception. This means no fat, sugar, meats. preservatives, chemicals...Bascially lots of fruits, vegetables, and grains. She has seen her patients go from deathly ill in one pregnancy to not a day of sickness after following this diet. This also lends credence to the idea that hg is caused when the liver isn't functioning correctly. This diet is used to cleanse the liver and give it a break. I faithfully followed this for a month and actually felt great. Unfortunately, I have fallen off the wagon. This is where I could use some accountability.

I am also taking the ESSIAC herbs which are liver cleansers, b6, and claium with mag. and zinc.

This may all be for naught but I really want to do everything I can to give myself and maybe a new little one a fighting chance against HG.

If you want any more info. I'd be glad to pass it along as I find it.

Jessica
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Postby nicoles » Nov 07, 2004 2:01 am

I know just how you feel. My husband and I decided a week ago that when I am done with my BC pills for this month we would start ttc. Yesturday was my last pill......so now I am scared because theoretically I could become pg at anytime. It will probably take a little while because I have very irregular periods. I know I really want a baby, but I can't imagine going through HG again. I am really trying to find out all I can and see if there is anything I can try that I didn't last time.

I hope all goes well with you.
Nicole
HG 1 time
Sarah 4/30/03
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Postby Cheri » Nov 10, 2004 6:12 pm

Hi Claire,
What a tough decision to make! I have been feeling really good lately, and on those days, thinking about pregnancy & babies is so easy. However, yesterday I was feeling sick and all of those old feelings came back again--"I can't wait for this to end", "I'm never doing this again", etc. And I am suffering nothing this time compared to what you went through!!

You have so much to consider that it isn't even fair!!! And facing a sentence of 9 months of misery isn't much to anticipate. On the other hand, in the end you have a baby!! A lifetime together to look forward to and a sibling for Rory to play with.

Start planning! Work on that protocol & get prepared if dh is on board. (I think dhs should have to sign our protocols in blood to guarantee they will be there for us and do their part :twisted: ) Look at the areas that were especially difficult for you last time and see if you can do anything to prepare for them this time. As for Rory handling it...he will survive. I have felt bad for my kids because they have missed out on so many things because of me being pg & sick (it feels like I've been pg for 3 yrs straight! :shock: :shock: ), but they have moved on and don't even remember anymore. My biggest recommendation is to make sure someone is lined up to take care of him (& the laundry & the house & the food) when you are down and out. You need to be able to focus just on taking care of yourself.

Good luck, Claire. You have a good grasp on what may lie ahead and that makes it really a really scarry decision to make! I hope your plan all comes into place very smoothly!!
Cheri
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Postby Cheri » Nov 10, 2004 6:24 pm

"One positive thing that has come from my miscarriage is that I am researching everything I can find. "

Jessica,
I can SO relate to this. When I had my miscarriage it was totally devastating. DH and I had already decided that no matter what, we couldn't go through HG again. As soon as I found out I lost the baby, I was determined that HG couldn't win, that I would try again. I was a woman with a mission and I did tons a research...I think I had about a 5 inch pile of research I had printed out!

It sounds like you've laid a good plan and are getting prepared. I hope you get a ++ really fast, because waiting to conceive once the decision is made is torture too! And making it to that 16 week mark is tough too. With Megan, I was too scared to tell anybody except the people who had to know (which is a lot with hg :D ) until I passed the 15 week mark. I did rent a doppler so I could hear the heartbeat at home starting at about 10 weeks. That helped me not to be such a basketcase every time I went to a Dr. appointment.

Good luck!
Cheri
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Keep Diet info. coming

Postby Cecca » Nov 26, 2004 2:46 pm

Just wanted to post here to let Jessica know that I am very interested in ongoing information about the dietary cleansing approach. I am mother of 2 (both HG pregnancies) and terminated my third pregnancy last summer due to HG. I will just say that during the 7.5 weeks I was pregnant with #3 all of my horrible HG symptoms returned full force, and I lay in bed contemplating death as a pleasant alternative to 8,10,12 more weeks of HG.

Since the termination I have entered a hell of regret and remorse far worse (believe it or not) than the physical symptoms of HG. I don't want to scare anybody here, my point is that while you are not in an HG state you may rightfully be fearful of returning to it. When you actually are experiencing HG again, the will to go on can quickly fade.

I cannot imagine now, six months later, how I could possibly have even considered ending my pregnancy, or how I could have gone through with it. I have had hours of counseling on just that topic. That being said, I can clearly remember my wretchedness and determination that I could not physically or mentally endure a third round of HG. My best advice is, be mentally prepared. Assign people in your life to remind you-regularly- that HG misery is time-limited...it WILL end, and you will have a beautiful baby, and you will get better too. Prepare yourself and others to keep you from sinking into despair.

Best of luck! You have only to read these forums to see how many have endured multiple rounds of HG...you will make it!

Please keep us posted on the homeopathic and diet ideas Jessica, I think there may be something to it. I am in healthcare myself and am interested in treating HG sufferers. I think the root cause can and must be found. Treating the symptoms has clearly not gotten us too far.

Cecca
son Reilly b. 5/1/2000 (HG)
daughter Sonia b. 12/20/2002 (HG)
angel baby 6/3/2004 (HG)
HG pg #1: DS Reilly b. 5/1/2000
HG pg #2: DD Sonia b. 12/30/2002
HG pg #3: lost angel 6/3/2004
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Postby ladybug » Dec 09, 2004 10:11 am

Cecca, I felt so sad for you reading your post. I'm glad that you wrote it because it brings up the very important point of just how desperate we can be when we are miserably ill, and that NO ONE seems to get it. During one of my pregnancies, I somehow crawled to the store and bought "Final Exit" which was all the rage about 10 years ago, all about how to do euthanasia. Well, it may sound insane, but here was my reasoning: as I was laying on the couch wishing for death, a thin remnant of sanity whispered "but you know this will end someday. what if you were sick like this and it wasn't a time limited illness like pregnancy? wouldn't you want to be able to do something about it?" So, I crawled to the store to buy the book, and once I had it tucked safely away, crawled back to my couch and my emesis basin.

During my last pregnancy (by the way I'm new here and have posted several times already in different areas so am beginning to sound like a broken record to myself, but, I've had 9 pregnancies, one baby and 8 losses all with HG--it's a real rub to suffer and get nothing for it, 8 times), anyway as I was saying, during my last pregnancy, I told my husband that this was it, I was never getting pregnant again, even though we desperately want kids (obviously). He FREAKED out, because he couldn't understand that I was speaking from my misery, and wanted me to take it back and assure him that we would have more kids. I wasn't able to beat him up right then, but after I miscarried and got my strength back, he got a long lecture on the psychology of the woman suffering from HG and he is duly repentant. I give him reminder lessons periodically and he is good naturedly taking his reminders well.

Anyway just to say that I could totally understand your terminating a pregnancy even though it was much wanted, and how awful it must be for you now to feel regret. I guess all we can do is try to stack the deck in our favor. I thought I had done tons of research on my own already over the past few years, but just being here for the past hour has already given me some good ideas for how to proceed with the future. Good luck and God bless.
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