my baby died

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

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my baby died

Postby IslandDreamer » Jul 13, 2004 2:23 pm

Hi,

Posted to another forum and am pasting this here in hopes that other women who suffered hg and miscarriage will respond.

My baby died in May, no heartbeat at the 10 week appointment. The baby measured 10 weeks, so she had died within hours, the doctor thought. Though I was miserably sick and angry about this surprise pregnancy (and had no clue how I'd deal with an infant at this point), I have been devastated by her death.

A perinatologist confirmed there was no heartbeat and saw evidence of a chromosomal defect, but I do wonder if the HG mattered. 25% of Downs babies are born full term. Did my baby die because her weaker heart, due to the Downs, couldn't handle the HG? (As an aside, this perinatologist referred to HG as "the body's way of keeping harmful things out of your system." Huh? I responded, "You mean things like water?" How can she be in this field and be so ignorant?)

I didn't start to feel better for weeks. Actually, I bled and passed tissue for a month after the baby was born. In fact, the spotting never really stopped and then my period started three weeks ago. Nothing like bleeding for two months, but I'm so glad I let my body do the work instead of my doctor. I saw my baby, tiny as she was, named her, had her cremated, and simply felt in control of the process. Even though the HG was worse this time, my postpartum complications have been milder than my first pregnancy. No psychosis or panic attacks, just generalized anxiety that is being handled with meds.

I would like to hear more about other hg miscarriage experiences. I had, and still have, food aversions. Even after the baby was born (two weeks after I learned she had died), I was sick. I could eat fruit, but only if it had no bruises. Smells were still a trigger. I really developed weird aversions after the can't eat or drink anything HG finally left.

Also, I think we should have a special thread for our discussions on miscarriage and HG. Can we get one?

How are you doing physically and emotionally? I've got a lot of resources that are helping me and would happily share anything with you.
Last edited by IslandDreamer on Nov 04, 2007 9:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
IslandDreamer
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Hi Suzanne

Postby ashleymoore65 » Jul 13, 2004 3:02 pm

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so unfair and completely crushes so many hopes an dreams. Miscarriage after a battle with HG really seems even more unfair. For me, it was at 15 weeks and no abnormalities were found. I still go through every possible scenario in my head. The reality is that I will never know what happened and now I just have to decide if I can do it all again. It has been 5 months and I have only had one cycle so I have the opposite problems of you. I still think about my baby and what I should look like and be doing every single day. But now, I try to focus on getting healthy again and treasuring the one awesome son I have. I would love to have more detailed statistics on HG miscarriages and hopefully in time those numbers will come. But from what I do know, HG babies tend to be tough if they are healthy. We are seeing a perinatologist now and are thinking about trying again in a few months. I have to be honest, I am so scared. I do not know what I would do if I lost another one. It has taken me this long just to even think about trying again. Your pain is so familiar and I hate that for you. I hope that you will begin to feel better physically and then eventually emotionally too. Give yourself lots of time to grieve before you make any big decesions. I will pray for you and your family. Again, I am so sorry.
Pregnant with #3. Praying for healthy baby abd live birth! Mommy to son Greyson- born 8/19/01, baby Moore lost at 15 weeks 3/09/04 and Mommy to Grant 6/29/ 2005. Severe HG with all 3 pregnancies. TPN, PICC, Zofran Pump, Hospitalization, Home Health Care, you know the drill!
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Postby Cheri » Jul 14, 2004 12:58 pm

Suzanne,
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It is a devastating thing to go through.

Ashley,
When I lost my baby, I said it felt like I was shot in the back as I was about to finish a marathon. It came so unexpectedly just as we began to build up hope & excitement for the rest of the pg. During my last pg, I actually rented a doppler so I could check for the baby's heartbeat myself. It may seem obsessive and it doesn't prevent anything from happening, but it gave me a lot of peace of mind. Before I rented the doppler, I was a basketcase before every Dr. appt, so fearful that it would bring bad news again.

Deciding to go through it again isn't easy!
Cheri
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Baby Lost at 15 weeks 3/02
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Where did you get it?

Postby ashleymoore65 » Jul 14, 2004 9:54 pm

Hi Cheri-
That is how I felt too! I have seen a post about renting a doppler before but I do not see it now. Where did you rent it from? It might be nice for my peace of mind too. Thanks, Ash
Pregnant with #3. Praying for healthy baby abd live birth! Mommy to son Greyson- born 8/19/01, baby Moore lost at 15 weeks 3/09/04 and Mommy to Grant 6/29/ 2005. Severe HG with all 3 pregnancies. TPN, PICC, Zofran Pump, Hospitalization, Home Health Care, you know the drill!
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herbs

Postby IslandDreamer » Jul 14, 2004 10:14 pm

Hi Ashley,

I am so sorry to hear about your baby. It's a rough ride, isn't it. I have good days and rotten ones. And I can never tell which it will be. Thanks for your support.

When reading through my herb books looking for a way to help rid my body of anything remaining in my uterus, since my hormones are not yet normal, I discovered that parsley (yes, the simple garnish parsley) is said to be helpful in inducing menstrual bleeding. So I went to my herb garden and started to chew. You might want to do your own research, but maybe eating, or drinking, some herbs will help you get your cycle back in order. Does the doctor recommend anything? Will he/she hear other alternatives? Herbal dosages are difficult to regulate, but a simple tea may work. Much cheaper than meds and has the added benefit of aiding digestion, which all HGers can appreciate. Might be worth a question or two with your specialist.

A friend finally suggested that the Effexor RX I was given for the postpartum anxiety (got it with my first, too) could be responsible for my continued bleeding. I did some research and found abnormal bleeding and uterine bleeding can be side effects for this drug. :? Great! I'm contacting the University of Michigan Depression Clinic for treatment now and stopping the Effexor to see if the bleeding stops. I see help on the horizon. . .it will be good to take maxi-pads off the grocery list.

I wish I were brave enough to consider another baby, but the HG and PPD are more than I can handle. Actually, the postpartum complications terrify me more than the chance of more HG. Good luck with your future addition.
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Postby Cheri » Jul 14, 2004 10:37 pm

Ashley,
We rented ours from a company I found on the web.
http://www.heartones.com/?src=overture
I think you can rent it by the month or for a longer period for cheaper. In the beginning we planned to only rent it till about 20 weeks, so we paid more to get it by the month. Only problem, I couldn't stand to send it back, so we ended up keeping it to the end. :)
Cheri
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Thanks

Postby ashleymoore65 » Jul 15, 2004 2:42 pm

Suzanne and Cheri-
Thanks for the helpful information in your posts. I will look into to herbs and I added the doppler site to my favorites for future use. My sister takes Effexor and she has had problems with bleeding too. I will tell her about the connection. I will keep you ladies updated on my situation. I can report that I did start another cycle this morning so that is good news. Hopefully that means my back is getting back on track! I appreciate your advice and hope you have a great weekend. Ashley
Pregnant with #3. Praying for healthy baby abd live birth! Mommy to son Greyson- born 8/19/01, baby Moore lost at 15 weeks 3/09/04 and Mommy to Grant 6/29/ 2005. Severe HG with all 3 pregnancies. TPN, PICC, Zofran Pump, Hospitalization, Home Health Care, you know the drill!
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Postby mammaclare » Jul 15, 2004 8:49 pm

Suzanne--

Please, please, please don't stop the Effexor without the consultation from a doctor. I am not saying it is the right med--sounds like it isn't--BUT quitting anti-depressants cold turkey without instruciton from a doctor can be very, very bad. On rare occasions (which sounds like no big deal, but remember HG is "rare" too) people can become quicly suicidal or psychotic.

Not to scare you, but it is important to taper off meds like that.

I am still on Zoloft, 10 months after Rory was born. I can't imagine the depression from losing a baby, since I felt so sad and anxious with a healthy one. I will be thinking of you and praying it all straightens out as best it can.
Clare
Mommy to Rory Benjamin 8-28-03
And Kieran Alexander 12-15-06
HG Babies-Week 5 to The Bitter End!
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Effexor Rx

Postby IslandDreamer » Jul 15, 2004 10:02 pm

Hi Clare,

I've contacted the Depression Clinic at the University of Michigan, so I will be seeing them. My ob/gyn prescribed the Effexor, and why I'm taking psychiatric drugs from an ob/gyn is beyond me, but she hasn't even called since the week after I had the baby. When I told the nurses about the bleeding link with Effexor, I would have thought she'd tell the doctor and get me a new med or an appointment. No.

I didn't take Effexor today, but will tomorrow, and the bleeding has almost stopped. So my suspicion was correct. Now I know why my poor vagina is raw and sore, and why I've bled more than a woman with fullterm twins.

In actuality, the depression and anxiety aren't as severe as with my son, despite losing the baby. Since I was so sick with Chris, I knew ppd was a reality for me, but I am still surprised that an early loss has done such psychiatric damage. The symptoms are clear but milder this time, maybe because I was earlier, maybe because I had a natural miscarriage which allowed the hormones to taper off instead of dropping immediately.

As much as I love my doctor, I'm rather disgusted at this point that she hasn't made a follow up call. And tonight at the HuGS support meeting I learned that the grumpy nurse who has been hard on me and rather cold and difficult had a loss herself. :? So why is she so yucky to me? I suspect she hasn't reported all of my symptoms and problems to the doctor. I'm about ready to change doctors. If I ever planned to be pregnant, I would change because I know I wouldn't get the proper postpartum support.

Thank you for your concern; I genuinely appreciate and hear the concern and knowledge in your words. I recognize psychosis, went through it with the first, and have been monitoring for it. I was on Prozac (and Celexa for a while) from three days after Christopher's birth to the week before Hope's conception, when my rx ran out. So I can assume that I'll be medicating symptoms for the rest of my life. I wish someone would find a cure for ppd.

I'll post an update when I see the UofM folks. I'm hoping to qualify for a clinical trial or study, so my illness can help others.
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