(((Mandi)))
I am so sorry for all you have gone through. My deepest sympathies on the loss of your children. While I have never terminated a pg, I thought about it at times when pg with Hope. But it never became an issue as her soul departed on its own. The grief of losing a child is unreal. I miss my little one so much. She would be due soon. I am truly sorry you must endure this grief four times over. You are in my prayers.
In addition to this site (HER) being safe to share your heart, there is a Christian forum called Hannah's Prayer that has a locked board for post-abortive healing called God's Grace. (
www.hannahsprayer.org) Only women recovering from the hurts of termination can get into the Grace board. There are also several other resources I am aware of: Project Grace, Project Rachel, and the like.
My faith is my foundation in this time of loss, and I strongly believe our children are in heaven with God. They are filled with joy and never had to know "the wrong side of grace." They know only love, and that means their love for you and me, too. I also know that you are forgiven by God...you only need ask to receive that forgiveness.
The timing of your step daughter's announcement must be horribly painful as well. There really are no words, but I am sorry about everything you are facing.