In your opinion, which is easier?

[bibliojo]

To tell yourself that you are done now and just deal with it? Or to say most likely we are done but leave yourself open to a maybe and then hope your feelings change down the road?

I have been totally caught off guard with emotions I never expected. I know I am newly post partum and hormones are still factoring in here, but I never felt about Lukas the way I feel about Katya. I thought I wasn't an infant type of person. I couldn't wait until Lukas grew up. But here I find myself not wanting to put Katya down. (Supper? Who cares about supper? Laundry? We don't really need clean clothes! I'm holding my baby! ) I cry all the time over the fact that she is my last baby. I want time to standstill and her never grow up. I am just so sad about it all. I could put myself through another pregnancy but at what cost? I just don't know what to tell myself in order to deal with these feelings. I don't want to feel this way!!

Joanna

[nomore]

Joanna-

I say this with lots of love... I know you are a little post partum emotional right now, but DO NOT do anything permanent until you are SURE 195% sure. Permanent is FOREVER. You can do long term BC and at least give yourself the option later on.

And, all I have to say, is if my Madison came 2nd, I would feel the same way you did. But, katie did, and I find myself wishing she is bigger. Different kids.... different personalities.

Im so glad you are enjoying Katya so much.

[PamelaRose]

Yep, wait until you're sure. Even if it's LOGICAL to be done, that doesn't mean a lot where emotions are concerned. I had convinced myself that we were done after Avery, but there I was, bawling as I held her, wetting her little newborn head with my tears as I sobbed that I needed another baby. My husband thought I was nuts ("You HAVE a baby?!"), but I just couldn't accept that Avery was the last. And she wasn't, and the moment we found out Reilly was on the way we knew it was the last, no questions about it. Wait until you have that sense of peace and certainty. It may come as Katya grows, or you may find yourself planning another. Give yourself time to consider all options. And who cares about supper or laundry with a snuggly little baby around!

[aaronsmommy]

I longed for another for Aaron's first year. I still have my moments (especially now that Aaron has started asking for a sibling), but it isn't as bad anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just go ahead and do something permanent and see if it stops, but I don't think it will change anything about how I feel. I do know that I could never use any birth control that required me to do anything, because there would be times when I would be tempted not to use it right and that would be a DISASTER.

[BrandiJK]

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) everything about being pg is so hard on and for you, I can understand your want to stop. But I also understand this incredable love as well. I had that with Sage and Brigit. And then Hailey came along, and topped them all. I wavered for a bit.
Feeling ready to be *done* I think is like a big gong going off in your body. At least, it was for me. Someone said to me they just had a moment when everything changed, and they *knew* they were done.
I am glad I waited for that moment in myself.

Permamant means just that. If you are not totally and completely and throughly sure, then don't do it. Use other options, and then make up your mind. You know...you don't *have* to be fixed forever either. Many people are done having kids, but dont even do that permanant fix, and are quite happy that way (even HGers).

I say give yourself time and permission to wait.

[tatteredtoo]

I agree with the others... you have to be SURE without a doubt. I was so uncertain, I kept crying over the thought of never having kids again by CHOICE, because of HG, but after becoming pregnant a third time despite preventative measures and feeling everything all over again for only a week, I was sure! I don't think I could have been sure without that strange 6 week long pregnancy, and I wouldn't ever recommend something permanent without that confirmation! My hubby had a vasectomy soon after that, and we won't be having any more. It was a hard decision and I had to let it sit with me for at least a month before hubby went through with it (because, though it is his body, it's a decision to be made by both partners/spouses). I am ok with it now, but YOU have to be ok with it, too, so until you are, if you ever are, you should really wait it out and do what you can to prevent a pregnancy until you're sure you want or don't want to have another!
-Tina

[teddi]

It's way easier for me to have that hope and option of maybe another someday.

The more I think about it, the more realistically I go... it may never happen. But.... quite frankly I have that comfort that it's not decided and I can deal with that later.

Aimee's got a point though... about that temptation. I love NFP for a lot of reasons, for ehtical and medical reasons... but OMG yeah the temptation is definitely there to just have sex at the wrong time.

[RebeccaM]

Wow! I could have written that post. That souns very much like my feelings. I never enjoyed Tierra as much as an infant (0-3 months). But with Eli, I just adored him and loved holding him and cuddling him, to the point of silly Mommy obsession . He is my cuddler and a momma's boy and I LOVE it! After him, I just couldn't imagine not having another baby. Of course even thinking about being pregnant again gives me mini panic attacks and I would still have to convinve DH because he does NOT want to go through another HG pregnancy. It's such a hard decision. I am still unsure what I want to do. For now we are using condoms, and I made dh promise me that we would revisit the issue when Eli is turns 2 (that's a little under a year away). It took me a year after having Eli to really feel like myself again, physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I need a year of just being myself and enjoying life to decide if another baby is right for us. Just give yourself time. Time to recover and be yourself again. I know it is such a hard decision. In the mean time, keep enjoying every minute with sweet little Katya.

[carla]

First of all, much love to you! I am so glad that you are enjoying Katya. It is such an amazing time. So many emotions, lack of sleep, the physical healing after such an ordeal. It is so normal to question things. I think that just the fact that you are questioning probably means that you aren't ready to do anything permanent. Not yet anyway. Who knows how you may feel in a month or 2. Give it some time. The only thing you need to be concerned about right now is your beautiful family.

[Natalie]

Joanna,

After I had Theo, it took me until 4 weeks to want another and then I was totally all out for wanting another one. But I just couldn't figure out where I could factor HG in our schedule plus my age - will be 33 at my next birthday blah blah. I wanted to know one way or the other, yes or no, would I have another baby or not? A definitve answer. Everyone I spoke to couldn't understand why I needed to know for sure now, they said I didn't have to decide right now but I WANTED to know so I could get some closure on everything. But I never did, time elapsed and Theo is almost 9 months old. And I am increasingly sure that we won't have any more now. The more time goes on, the more I feel sure. I saw Jessica today (my friend's baby who was due the same day as you) and I kind of cooed over her but not in a way that made me broody at all and Kate (my friend) said 'look at you all broody' and I was like, actually I'm not at all. I'm really not and I'm happy that I'm not.

So, you don't have to decide right now, leave your options open and you might find that as time goes on, it becomes apparent one way or the other whether to try one more time or whether to call it a day. You just have to learn to live with the uncertainty.

2 things though - if you did go for one more. Re: ttc - you know what the problem is now (a too short LP) so most likely you wouldn't have to go through 10 months or tortuous ttc before conceiving. And you would get to re-strike up your friendship with your Ob. And I could be your buddy again and I could live a vicarious pgy through you . You'd still get the HG though so remember it's a wonderful 9 month rollercoaster of

That is my version of an HG pgy in icons.

Love Natalie, x

[JennyK]

Joanna, I feel similarly. I want a third and I'll probably always want a third, but I know I shouldn't do it. I got an IUD a few weeks ago and that's a really good solution for me. It can stay in for up to 5 years and I don't have to remember to take a pill every day. It's safe for breastfeeding. In theory I could get it taken out at any time and get pregnant. Even though I have no plans to do so I feel better knowing I have the option. I agree with all the others--don't do anything permenant until you have no doubt you are really done.

[bibliojo]

Update: Dh and I have talked and we have decided to put off any plans for a vasectomy. I don't know what we'll do for birth control - we'll have to figure that out when the time comes. But I think we'll take the approach that Mandy took - do all we can to prevent a pregnancy but if an true accident happens so be it. It was meant to be then. I don't think that I could willingly commit myself to another pregnancy and to ttc again. Making those decisions are too hard. There's too many things to consider and factor in. This more than likely is my last baby -- with all the trouble we've had to get pregnant with both of our kids, I highly doubt that we will have an accident, but just in leaving things open ended makes me feel better. Hopefully as Katey gets older, I will feel more done and then we can do something permanent then. And if nothing happens in the next 3 years or so I think then too it would be time to make a decision. My mom got an autoimmune disorder from an HG pregnancy at 35 so I don't want to be pregnant and close to that age in case the same thing would happen to me. I would feel such guilt at being selfish and wanting a third when I had survived 2 HG pregnancies without any long term effects only to have a third pregnancy that would deprieve the 2 kids I have of their mommy sooner than if I hadn't gotten pregnant for the third time. But if it happens despite you doing everything you can to prevent it, it somehow lessens the guilt and blame kwim? And that it was then what was meant to happen.

So thanks ladies for all your input...you'll probably be seeing me around this folder a lot more though as I search for some feelings of contentment and completion...

Joanna

[JennyK]

I'm glad you decided on a general course of action. It is so hard to feel limited by hyperemesis.

What is your mom's autoimmune disorder? Several people have mentioned a connection between HG and autoimmune disorders to me. My friend here who had to BAD HG pregnancies now has rheumatoid arthritis and a couple people mentioned that my picc problems may have been from an autoimmune response. I wonder if there's a connection.

[aaronsmommy]

You just be careful, and don't assume that because it was hard to get pg this time, that it will be hard again. The last person I knew who did that found herself pg with twins 4 months postpartum (after needing clomid to get pg with #2)

Accidents are one thing, playing with fire another!

[Cheri]

I'm just going to echo what Aimee said.

I had one baby (Matthew) as a result of a similar opinion
My friend had to have IUI to conceive 4 children and then had a surprise #5 while using birth control measures.

Not very likely, but just don't get careless like we did

[bibliojo]

Jenny, my mother has coagglutinin disease -- it's a blood disorder that has lead to her to also developing non-hodgkins lyphomphoma. While we aren't 100% certain the HG caused it, it is highly suspect since she was fine before she got pregnant but then a couple months into the HG pregnancy all of a sudden had this. I was tested for it before I got pregnant with Lukas and didn't have it. I am thinking of getting tested again now that I'm done just to make sure I didn't get it.

Aimee and Cheri, thank you. Yes, whatever form of birth control we decide to use it does have to be effective. We were just using condoms in between the two pregnancies but I think I want something a bit more foolproof than that. I just don't know what to chose. I think I'll talk to my OB about it at my 6 week postpartum check.

Joanna