So freaking conflicted

[teddi]

I can't make up my mind. My babies are 2. They sleep thru the night. I'm healhty again. I like this.

I both love and somewhat dislike our current birth control (NFP). Even when I KNOW I'm not pregnant, my normal, every few cycles lateness freak me out.

No one in the family seems to think we should have any reason ever to have another baby. I swore I wouldn't have kids past age 25... and I already broke that. 30 approaches quickly in December. My heart would love one more baby. For so many reasons, a *decent* (lol, and in HG terms what would qualify as "decent" is pretty loosely used) pregnancy would be so wonderful.

But facts are I'd have to have care for 3 kids now, not just one. I'd probably have less willingly given support from my family (maybe my sister but I wouldn't want to rely on her). I'd have to be able to loose my job (being part time, I may never hit the FMLA requirements, though in CA there are probably ways I might be able to keep my job).

And I've finally accepted that ... I can't predict what would happen. Logically I think ... well the twins thing made what was a relatively better pregnancy (the first half) worse. That , more so than the HG (or that combined with the HG). So, maybe .... you know... NEXT TIME.. would be BETTER?

And then I think about what happened and HOW many organs have been impacted between my two pregnancies. And that scares me. My uterus now has a scar which makes any future pregnancies slightly more at risk. The gallbladder is gone. Last time my pancreas, liver (still don't know whether I had fatty liver going on or not and/or whether that could be a potential problem in a future pregnancy)... and then the heart issues post partum.

This makes me angry. That I AM willing to risk the HG again. I'm willing to endure that. But why can't I know what I'd be signing up for? If I could be garaunteed a singleton pregnancy and just the endless puking it would be a go for sure. And I could start planning the details, aim for a TTC date (down the road) But all I know is that I can't know what will happen. How can you make a decision when you don't even for sure what complications you'll be dealing with?

Where's the form I get to check of the things I don't consent to?
The last advice I got from an OB (not even the one who provided my care, just someone I saw for my post partum check up) was "having more kids would be very dangerous". With no elaboration on why. I can fill in a jillion reasons......

[tatteredtoo]

I'm so sorry. I, too, wish we could all have a check list to mark off what we don't want to endure. That would make things so pleasant!
Trying again once was enough for me, but I know of friends who have had unbarable pregnancies who went on to have more kids, and even after being told that it was impossible for them to have more. It is possible for some. If you still have thoughts of wanting to try again, you might consider getting a consult to learn what the most pressing of those 'jilliion reasons' are and see if they're something you believe you could overcome. It's a devilishly hard choice to make and I wish you the best of luck in making it... but I'm still so sorry that you have to weigh your options with a heavy heart.

-Tabi

[Gail]

Teddi. I like the checklist idea too!!! But seriously, I am in the same place you are. I am having a hard time accepting that the Dr's have told me that I shouldn't have anymore babies. That it could be life threatening for me and/or the baby. I've talked w/ my thearapist about this and he just thinks I'm really crazy for even considring it, so I asked him "WEll, then how do I accept it?" and he said "You just do." Not that that's helped. What hwlps a little is knowing that I'm not alone in feeling like this and that I'm not crazy for even thinking about it. My heart goes out to you and if you do ever decide to Go for it!!!,, I'll be right here to support you

[bibliojo]

Teddi

I never had to worry about such serious complications in addition to the HG but I understand... Praying for some wisdom and peace for you in whatever you decide. It's not an easy decision to make!

Joanna

[aaronsmommy]

You are still so young! I know this wasn't what you had planned, but you still have plenty of time to decide.

I waited forever to have kids. Dh and I have been together since I was 17, and married since 21. I planned to at least have my first before 30, and my last by 35. Well, I did end up having my first a couple of days before 30, but I certainly would have preferred that one was different. Aaron came a bit over a year later, and although I can't imagine that we will ever actually have another, the thought of having one after 35 (which is just next month) doesn't sound that awful anymore.

Yes, California's laws are stricter than FMLA. You are allowed 4 months of pg disability leave, for some employers that is in addition to FMLA time, if you do end up qualifying, although they can make it run concurrently if they tell you that are doing that. You also get 12 weeks of "baby bonding" time after delivery in addition to those.

I have wrestled with a lot of the same issues, and can't say that I feel comfortable with where I am either - so I'm not much help.