do you get upset when...

[JennyK]

Do you get upset when your friends get pregnant again? One of my good friends just told me she's 11 weeks with her third. It was not planned. I'm happy for her, but it makes my longing to have a third even worse. All my other close friends either have two and think they are done or are about the deliver their second. I thought if everyone around me had two kids it would be easier for me to accept that I'm finished.

[mammaclare]

I can't say now. But I'd like to hope that I will only be happy it is NOT me...

I DO have envy over anyone who has easy pregnancies, and have since Rory, so I am sure that part won't go away...but I'd like to think that the envy will be all there is and I can still be thrilled for them.

And I am with you on the friends in the middle of things now--my three best girlfriends in the world:

One had her 2nd in August
One is due w/ her 2nd Dec 10th
One is due w/ her 2nd May 2007

So, basically ALL of us are doing this #2 thing. But of all 4 of us, only one plans or considers having a third. The other three of us are all sending our DH's to the "Frozen Peas and Jock Strap" weekend camp!!

[bibliojo]

Despite some of my friends having 2 kids already, I'm the first one to be done. It sucks. I wish that there was someone ahead of me in these life stages that was done so I could talk to them rather than hear how others are planning their second/third pregnancies. Thank goodness for this website. People understand here!

Sending you hugs...

Joanna

[nomore]

I am not the 1st of my friends to be done. My BF deleivered her 2nd 9 days after Katie and that made her done too... which helped. Antoehr good friend has 95% she is done. I have a few friends who I think will go for #3. And, Clare, I am the woman who mostly thinks better her than me. But Jenny, just think of the last 5 days with Will, times 5 months, added on to the pregnacies from hell. you think Im NUTSO...lol I never want to relive that!

Sure... I still wish I had a fluffy time.... miss having a baby in my belly (feeling them), miss the excitement, but I know I can never do it again. Adoption would be a much better option for me. And, right now, I know Im at my mental limit with 2... and so is DH. He ADAMENTLY does not want anymore right now. I dont either. Also, many of my friends are a couple years older than me, so they are approaching 35/36 and are unsure they want to have anymore kids later due to the risks.

I hope you find some peace with this. Give Will a little more time in your lives, and perhaps, you might find yourself pleasantly content with 2

[aaronsmommy]

Oh yeah! And it usually hits me by surprise too. I don't spend my time longing for a baby all the time anymore, and it's not like I never see pg women or anything, but I usually end up crying when a friend with one already tells me she's having another.

Or when they talk about how hard it is to decide on having another because of how much college costs, or how big their house is, or when would be the perfect time to take 3 months off work . . .

All valid concerns, I guess, but it shouldn't be about just surviving.

[JennyK]

Here's the coversation I had with DH last night when I told him about our friend's pregnancy:

ME: It sucks that other people can just be pregnant and it's not a huge ordeal.
DH: Yeah, everyone should suffer and have near death experiences.
ME: (Rolling eyes) Allow me to rephrase...

I am happy for my friend, but it's still hard for me. I'm done having kids but I think it's going to take me a long time to come to terms with it.

[Proudmama]

I am right there with you all. I look at my little ones growing up so fast and wonder what it would be like to have three. I have friends that want three and plan for three but have had easy pregnancies. My best friend has three and wanted another but had a hard time with her last so that was it for them. I am so happy with my two babies and do not want to go through HG ever again but sometime I think about what HG took from me. What would three be like? I know that I am done having babies and I think I have accepted it but I still wonder.

[krdoty]

I don't know. I'm still happy to hear about pregnancies since I'm not "officially" done yet. But I worry that I'll be like that once I physically can't have any more kids. I know I was like that when my husband was still insisting no kids. I really need to find a way to be at peace with two.

[BrandiJK]

****LOSS MENTIONED****

I touched the first pg belly since we made the decision. Lets see...choice was made while I was still pg....Heybug will be 8 months next week... touched the belly last Sat ... yeah, been avoiding it.

I had a friend (who had bad NVP) ...and I never touched her belly. I was resistant. I hurt, because I knew I would never see that double line again, and I would never get to be excited about meeting this new baby again. I'd never feel a baby move inside of me again (I know. causes nausea, w/ HG...it's a shock when it's missed), never go through labor again and feel that child emerge into the world through my womb...I could go on and on. Anyway....I dont think I even hugged her with her 20 week and big belly, baby squirming and all.
She went into premature labor. Her baby girl did not make it. I loved that baby. I knew I loved her, but did not acknowledge it.
By the way, it was a shock to the mom I mourned so much, (I think) because I did not express any affection physically while she was pg. That mom and I...we have grown quite apart. I love her dearly, but my 'stuff' was in the way.


Makes one more open to the idea of other people having babies. I mean, I am not going to do it, I should honor women who can and will bring forth life.
It is the least I could do for that little baby girl she lost.
I know I am done. I can not do it. But 'god' or 'goddess' or what ever you view...she's got plans for life. It's too hard to not honor that, esp this time of year. It aint easy either, thus the delima.

Ok...so a bit morbid...I know. I still avoid labor wards, I have trouble with any kiddo under 3 months..I have a hard time with Birth Announcments and the Third Tri on this board. But seeing first hand that missed chance, I am more open to it then I was.

If I did not get so sick, and if we have lots and lots of money (ok...if we had lots and lots of money to hire care takers while I as so sick even) I'd have more. But that is not reality. I have to do the best I can to honor the life other women can bring forth.

Ramble ramble ramble....that's me.