I'm done..am I?

[HelenA]

Ok so thinking rationally, I know that I can't put my body through this again, the HG is bad enough, but add not being able to walk, and my exceptionally bad birth experiences to that and I know that DH getting the snip is the right thing. I always said two kids would be enough. DH has said he couldn't watch me go through another pg and won't even entertain the idea of another child, and I agree. I think. There is this one incy wincy part of me that says "But what if...?" Normally I catch myself straight after the thought and come back to reality, but recently as I have been talking to DH about it (usually a joke about the next one to which he gives me a look and says "not likely") I am feeling a bit sad about it. DH was supposed to get in to see a dr over christmas to get on the waiting list for the big V, but he never went in. A little part of me is glad, since afterwards there'll be no option. I'm not talking right now, but in the future? Maybe. I don't know. 2 kids and HG and SPD and the birth to worry about fills me with dread, but so does having the choice taken away from me altogether. I just don't know if I'm done or not. I don't want any more, but I do. Does that make sense? Maybe it's just because the options are running out for me and I'm panicking because I can't change my mind afterwards. How do you make the choice? Right now I have far too many issues going on for another one, my mental state isn't ready for another one yet, but I'm talking 2,3,4 years time. Will I regret him getting "done"? ARGGGGHHHHHHH I hate that I have to chose, but time is running out, as DH still keeps mentioning getting the appt. But at th same time he thinks that I don't want anymore. I'm not saying I do. But I'm not saying I don't. ACK! I'm gonna go sleep on it. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Proudmama]

It is such a tough decision. I pray that you have peace in your decision. I can tell you that from my personal experience, it seems that the oops factor makes me feel a bit better. DH had the big V because he could not watch me suffer any more. I still struggle with that decision but I understand why he did it and I was in a "I kind of agree" mode when it was done.

Hug to you and your DH

[krdoty]

[mrsbigdog]

Helen,

I can so relate to where you are right now. Actually after #2 I was certain I was finished. I had no desire to go through everything again. Also, thanks to my hubby's sometimes iffy mental status and our on going financial difficulties I knew another was not a feasible idea BUT over the last five years or so I felt something was missing. My sister's started having little ones and mine were older. I met new friends who have large families and truthfully I was enchanted with the idea of a fluffy pg. That said I really did not want another baby! The "feelings" were there but the logic of my situation kept the feelings at a distance. Truthfully I was happy with where I was in my life. I wouldn't trade Em for anything and I'm glad I had the "opps" but I would never have "planned" her.

Well, I'm really rambling. My point was that I understand your feelings. You've been through alot in a very short time period. It might not hurt to hold off and wait a bit before he gets the snip. You're still fresh from the preg. Give yourself time to decide if this is what you really want.



Donna

[peanut]

I am having a hard time with this issues as well. Add to it that we are young enough that we could even have another in 10 years (thus eliminating the need to care for a really young child while pregnant) when I will be 38. I know that my body and mind can't do another pregnancy, but it is hard. My counselor suggested waiting about 6 months or so to let me grieve for lost children and the loss of the choice to have more. This seems like a good idea to me and my dh.


Lora

[Princesshood]

So very sorry. I'm in your boat. I am not only here crying for you but, for me too. To make a decision that feels like you have no decision to make is incredibly painful. My husband and I planned on 6 children and we are pregnant with number 3. He won't put me through another pregnancy and at the moment I wouldn't either but, that's only because I have the picc line and IV now. I won't have it forever. I secretly keep telling myself, I could do it again. I haven't gone as far as TPN and then it all hits me and I say why would you want to. We both plan on being fixed after and I think it will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I thank God that even though I may not have have any more on my own, at least I did get the ones I do have and surrogacy and adoption are still options. It does give me something to look forward to. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless

[zoe2006]

Hi Helen,

I know just where youre coming from! I couldnt put myself, DH, mum, DD and baby no.2 through another HG pregnancy - I think any woman who goes ahead and gets pregnant virtually knowing she'll have HG wants a sainthood! It is so cruel that we have to make the decision based on so much pain and illness. DH had the 'snip' about 3 weeks ago when I was 22 wks Pregnant. I wanted the decision to be made while I remembered how awful this sickness is! I was and am so relieved that it is the right decision for us in our circumstances I cant tell you how good it is to know that I'll NEVER have to go through this again!
If I'd never had HG and sailed through pregnancy/birth then we'd probably have had at least 3 maybe 4 babies but I just look at the positives that we have our beautiful 2yr old girl and our baby boy on the way and I'm happy with my lot
I hope you find some peace soon.....this is how I felt prior to getting pregnant this time, but to be honest had I known HG was 70% sure to happen again I would have stuck at 1.
Take care and feel free to email for a chat!
Love Zoe x

[stephensmam]

Hi A word of causion here, why the snip for dh, i felt the EXCACT same way after baby no one i asked to be steralised and i was so determined never to go through HG again i beged and beged but the dr said i was to you thank god i didnt get it done, it took 6 years to get the courage to go through hg again but i did and now i have my daughter which would never have happened if , i had of made the decisison so soon after giving birth to have a steralisation, I went through a period of deep depression before i got pg with no 2 i knew id be sick i knew id be in hops for months and i couldnt face it i went will i or wont i for over a year but i did it and obviously im glad now , would you not try the merina coil thats worked for me for 5 years after stephen was born and i have it in again now?
i too would have had at least 4 kids if not for hg but its taken years to accecpt ill only ever have two kids and im ok about that now , its a bit easier for me i suppose because im 36 and im thinking of all the risks associated with a pg at this age and older so im talking myself out of it , I already have a child with special needs couldnt cope with another one, but take your time realy think about it you never know ,

[BethersinMN]

[alongsj]

I feel for you, truly.

I too feel the same way. When hubby and I first got married, we decided we wanted a big family. Hubby wanted 10 kids (ahaks!!) but I managed to negotiate down to 6.

I'm now 11 weeks into my 3rd pregnancy and I have high doubts whether my body can take the battering anymore.

I told hubby maybe this would be our last baby and he just said, the choice is mine to make. Whatever I decide, he would support. I have a feeling he's a bit dissapointed but he also would never want me to be this sick ever again.

Part of me mourns the fact that I may never have more children. I don't think I would have the guts to do a tubal as it sounds so...final. I had an IUD fitted in during my off pregnancy years so I guess I'll just stick to that.

Just hoping that whatever you decide to do, you'll have all the support you need. The quality of motherhood is not measured by how many children you raise, but how you raise the children.

Take care all.

[MichellevsHG]

The quality of motherhood is not measured by how many children you raise, but how you raise the children.

That's exactly what I needed to hear. 14 weeks into this pregnancy and DH has already told me no more. I agree with him. I know in my heart we've made the right decision for us. I'll be 33 next month and the thought of working, keeping a home, raising the first child and then dealing with HG isn't something my body can handle. For those of you who have gone through HG multiple times - God Bless You! But its just not for me.

What hurts is when I tell people who've never had HG that "this is it", they tell me I'll forget all about being sick when I see my baby. I know in my heart I will never forget this.

So I know what you're feeling and how hard of a decision it is for us HGers You're not alone.

[Miel]

So my child is 22 months old. Before we had her, we were going to have at least 2. And we wanted them 2 to 2.5 years (at most apart). Ok, then the HG hit and I was like, THIS IS IT. NO MORE. And my husband (who originally was certain he wanted 5 kids) started saying THIS IS IT, NO MORE b/c he couldn'd stand to see me in that much pain again when the first trimester came and went and I was still sick to the end of the pregnancy. He even wanted to go in for the vasectomy while I was still pregnant. And then after we had the baby he wanted to go in right away.

But I told him we had just been under so much stress and on top of the months of sickness had gone through an unanticipated C Section and was dealing with so much recovery.....

So now cut to an almost 2 year old child and the moms in our playgroup who I met right after we had our child are all due with second children and my arms are aching for another baby to cuddle.

And the clock is ticking for us since we are already in our late 30's and don't want to have children after the age of 40. We are also not thrilled with the idea of daycare/preschool. But that is what we will HAVE to do if (when) HG strikes again b/c we have no family. Our family is on the other side of the country...

And I STILL don't know if I'm up to handling another round of HG.