Our resons...

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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Our resons...

Postby emmauk7 » Mar 31, 2005 11:17 am

Despite only being two months into our first pregnancy, we have decided that, all being well with our baby, we are never going to conceive again.
My husband has been broken these last few weeks, utterly desperate and left feeling hopeless. He does eveything he can, yet has said he feels he cannot do enough. I hate to see him this way and I hate that I can do nothing to help him.
I feel I have lost myself through all this, my husband says he feels he has lost his sweetheart, only gets a glimmer of her when I'm wired up to a drip in the hospital room. He says he took a vow to love and protect me, yet there is nothing he can do to protect me from this.
I go to sleep and dream about not being sick for heavens sake! I know people keep saying to me that 40 weeks is a small amount of time to be ill for the massive reward at the end of it, something which I agree with but it isnt just "being ill", as you all know. The stress, emotions, heartache are overpowering and all consuming. Wondering why other people pop babies out like a bubblegum machine throws out gum, when you are left sick, aching, tired and miserable day after day. Seeing other people "bloom" through pregnancy when the closest thing you get to a "bloom" is the stain on the carpet after a missing your sick bowl.
So, we decided, we're going to have just the one child and love him/her like the major achievement he/she is. One person who we fought for, every day, every night for nearly nine months.
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Postby nikki0072004 » Mar 31, 2005 1:07 pm

HI Emma,

I am so sorry you are feeling so down and yukky right now. I totally understand what you are going thru (see below, this is my fourth HG pregnancy :shock: ) and I have had three separate HG "caretakers" with my pregnancies. One was my parents, and each of my husbands.

While I am totally TOTALLY in support of your decision, I really did just want to say one thing to you. PLease dont make any final decisions on this until at least six months postpartum. I mean, no vasectomies, no tubal ligations, nothing permanent. I am in NO way trying to discount your fears, or your feelings, but I would hate to see you make a decsion that you cant take back later. When I was pregnant with my first, I swore to God, Buddha, anyone who would listen that I would NEVER get pregnant again. I was so sure, and I actually wrote it in his baby book!! And then I lost him, and I stopped being sick, and over time, the feelings changed. KNowing the massive HG I had, I actively tried for my second, and had the same thoughts from 5 weeks til delivery, NO MORE BABIES FOR ME!!!!. I lost the baby, lost the HG, and the feelings changed. When I was 10 weeks with my third, I spoke to the OB about getting my tubes tied. I had the worse case of HG so far, I lost 30 lbs, threw up constantly for 35 weeks, spent three months of it admitted to Mother/baby, and once went into early renal failure. I had my son in Nov, and chose not to have the tubes tied. (not because of a changed mind, but because it came with a co-pay we couldnt afford at that time). After the pregnancy, my DH admitted to me that he spent days crying on his way to work, and that once, at the peak of it, he even researched terminations. He has been to war in Iraq and maintains (laughing about it now), that HG was harder!! :lol:

Two years later, my son is a toddler, and I am pregnant YET AGAIN. And we werent just trying, we actually went to fertility experts, thats how despearte we were to have another. Its quite funny now, looking back on it. I still have HG, but have learnt how to deal with it. I also can think now that the end result is worth it, and coming from someone with experience (not just pregnant friends that threw up once their entire pregnancies!! :roll: ) that it IS a short period of time to be sick, and that it is well worth what you get for it.

My Mum stopped having kids for fear of HG, and now she says it is her biggest regret. While of course you can have these feelings now, and yes, you may stick with it, and choose to have one darling child, please dont make any permament choices yet. Your mind may change yet.

BTW- I am NOW done, and my DH is getting the snippy snip snip next month. :wink: But I am done for my reasons, not for the reasons HG dictated to me. I would put up with another 10 years of HG for one day with my children, and I know you will feel the same way. Good Luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

HG babies 1+2: Mummys angels
HG baby 3: Bayden, 28mos
HG babies 4+ 5: Twins due July.
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Postby dwtegli » Mar 31, 2005 1:32 pm

I two understand completely how you feel. When I was sick with my first I had HG but it wasn't severe, yet I still swore I was never going to do it again. SEVEN years later, we went through fertility drugs to have another. HG with her was not to bad, in fact, it doesn't even qualify as HG. No hospitalization, IV's or nothing. Just horrible nausea and wishing I wasn't pregnant anymore. However, we were still done after her. When I went in to schedule having a TL at around 8 or nine months, we found out I was pregnant again. I was devastated!!! My HG was the worst with him, yet was still not as bad as some of the women on this site, but bad enough that I was hospitalized, and IV's and all. Less than two months after his birth, I had a hysterectomy. Medically because of other health issues, but mentally, because I NEVER want to get pregnant again. I love all of my children with all my heart, and all the sickness was worth it, but I still can not believe I went through what I did. It amazes me everytime I read a post such as yours that I had the courage to try it again.

It is a good idea to at least wait six months to decide. You never know what can happen.
There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
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Postby mandy » Apr 01, 2005 10:38 am


When I was pg with my 1st, that was it for me too. Until she was a year old, I just laughed when people asked if we would have more. Suddenly though I had that strong urge to do it again, and then we had my son.

Have your baby and then give it time. They say it takes 18 months for you to be back to perfect after having a child (longer I suspect for hgers), so just let yourself be the 'old you' before making permanent desicions.

Well, that would be my advice anyway. Good luck with this pregnancy, I hope it easies up a bit soon. Mandy x
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