Our resons...
Posted: Mar 31, 2005 11:17 am
Despite only being two months into our first pregnancy, we have decided that, all being well with our baby, we are never going to conceive again.
My husband has been broken these last few weeks, utterly desperate and left feeling hopeless. He does eveything he can, yet has said he feels he cannot do enough. I hate to see him this way and I hate that I can do nothing to help him.
I feel I have lost myself through all this, my husband says he feels he has lost his sweetheart, only gets a glimmer of her when I'm wired up to a drip in the hospital room. He says he took a vow to love and protect me, yet there is nothing he can do to protect me from this.
I go to sleep and dream about not being sick for heavens sake! I know people keep saying to me that 40 weeks is a small amount of time to be ill for the massive reward at the end of it, something which I agree with but it isnt just "being ill", as you all know. The stress, emotions, heartache are overpowering and all consuming. Wondering why other people pop babies out like a bubblegum machine throws out gum, when you are left sick, aching, tired and miserable day after day. Seeing other people "bloom" through pregnancy when the closest thing you get to a "bloom" is the stain on the carpet after a missing your sick bowl.
So, we decided, we're going to have just the one child and love him/her like the major achievement he/she is. One person who we fought for, every day, every night for nearly nine months.
My husband has been broken these last few weeks, utterly desperate and left feeling hopeless. He does eveything he can, yet has said he feels he cannot do enough. I hate to see him this way and I hate that I can do nothing to help him.
I feel I have lost myself through all this, my husband says he feels he has lost his sweetheart, only gets a glimmer of her when I'm wired up to a drip in the hospital room. He says he took a vow to love and protect me, yet there is nothing he can do to protect me from this.
I go to sleep and dream about not being sick for heavens sake! I know people keep saying to me that 40 weeks is a small amount of time to be ill for the massive reward at the end of it, something which I agree with but it isnt just "being ill", as you all know. The stress, emotions, heartache are overpowering and all consuming. Wondering why other people pop babies out like a bubblegum machine throws out gum, when you are left sick, aching, tired and miserable day after day. Seeing other people "bloom" through pregnancy when the closest thing you get to a "bloom" is the stain on the carpet after a missing your sick bowl.
So, we decided, we're going to have just the one child and love him/her like the major achievement he/she is. One person who we fought for, every day, every night for nearly nine months.