i am depressed/hard decisions

[freesgirl]

ok on my last doctor appointment my doctor told me to take precautions to never get pregnant again due to the severity of hg and how it is way worse than my first pregnancy.... i never thought i would have to be faced with all these conflicting emotions..... don't get me wrong i seriously hate pregnancy and never want to experience it again but i feel like the choice is being ripped from my hands... my husband always wanted four children and now we are limited to 2 =( to make matters worse he is in iraq and not here to help me with the decision of having a TL when i have this baby so i am stuck within a rock and a hard place so to say

[HGx3]

I know what you mean...it is a real pisser when the decision to limit your family is placed in your lap. Many of us have been down the very road you are on, and it is never easy. Only you know, or will know in your heart if your family is complete.

Since your dh is away, you dont have to have the tubal right after baby is born. You could discuss a vasectomy, or go in to have the tubal at a later date, when your head is clear, and he is home.

Hang in there.

[mandy]

We always wanted four too, but we are 99% sure we'll stick with our two. We are not getting permanent sterialisation until we're 100% though. I just can't do it yet. I'm 28 and feel too young to do this. I also get soooo angry with hg for making this decision for me. I would advise against a tubal for the reason that for me personaly, I think if we got sterialised I would want what we then couldn't have even more. At the end of the day, though, I think it comes down to if you had an 'oopsie' what would you do? I would keep an 'oopsie' of mine so therefore I'll chance contraception that only offers 98% protection rather than 100%.

Take time with big decisions.
Best wishes, Mandy x

[teddi]

freesgirl,

I can ditto what Mandy said, just about all of it.

But this isn't your drs. choice. It belongs to you & your husband. I'm going to say it bluntly: sometimes a doctor will say "you shouldn't do this again" NOT because you can't have another successful pregnancy- but because they may not want to deal with it again. Doctors by nature like things they can "fix" and HG presents a problem that the doctor can't fix or prevent. In a way, I think many HGers get treated as if we are problem patients, that the doctors, whether consciously or not, would rather just NOT have walk thru their door. Their FEELINGS shouldn't be treated as fact to base your decision on.

The choice doesn't have to be made now, it doesn't. My own personal advice is that this decision shouldn't be made, in most cases anyway, while suffering HG.

I know what it feels like to hate HG and hate pregnancy and feel like our choices are limited because of it. I also have faith though- that we can reclaim & heal & tackle it again in the future. After my first pregnancy, my mind boggled at how some women did it again! Then I did it again too. Then my mind boggled while I was pregnant how some women did it yet AGAIN. And now, I can say I'd be willing to do it again too.

I think what I hear most from the women on this board though is that you need to be at peace with your decision.

[aaronsmommy]

Just wanted to point out that NEITHER a tubal ligation, NOR a vasectomy offer 100% protection against an oops pregnancy. The failure rates for both are about 1/200. There is reversible birth control that has similar effectiveness (IUD, depo-provera, and the new implant which should be available soon in the US).
I'm also 99.99% sure I won't have another, but I don't think I will ever go for a permanent method because I just don't like the idea of it. I know I could have an oops with my current method (IUD), but I could have one with a tubal too so why bother!
I can't see any reason why you need to do this immediately. If your husband isn't here, we'll that is 100% effective - just make sure you get something good by the time he's expected home!!!!!

[jennlynn]

freesgirl
I kinda was told the same thing by my doctor about a month ago. My daughter is 5yrs and i've never talked about having another baby until this yearly pap. i cannot take birth control (get very sick like being pregnaut) but anyway my husband and i are very careful. i asked him what he thought if i wanted another baby. he was a real jerk and asked me if i rembered what i went through and shpuld never ttc. but anyways i asked he different ways of birth control and i asked him if he thought my husband should get a vasectomy amd this is what he told me (quote) your the one with the problem, if you died in a car accident tomorrow my husband could get remarried and have more children but if your husband died in an accident you would still have this problem. yea i felt like i have some crazy disease that will haunt me for the rest of my life so my husband and i are gonna just keep doing it the way we have been and if we get pregnaut i will say its ment to be and if not ok too. i'll put this one in the lords hands. i had sever hg until delivery and i did read my medical records because he made me

[freesgirl]

freesgirl
I kinda was told the same thing by my doctor about a month ago. My daughter is 5yrs and i've never talked about having another baby until this yearly pap. i cannot take birth control (get very sick like being pregnaut)

i too get very sick while on birth control =( i had a merina iud in and it gave me migraines and made me sick like i was pregnant... i am so confused atm i talked to hubby on the phone and he said not to get a TL he mentioned a vesectomy but i am against that as well... i hate the fact that i was told that about limiting my family... the doc said that my hg would progress =( grow more severe each pregnancy because that is what happened since my first child... i am not 100% sure at this moment i think i will think about long term birth control instead of permanant...

thank you all for the support and information..? why are we burdened with this HG.... i don't understand why i have it my mom or grandma didn't have it... where did it come from this is not fair at all and i have been very depressed about it