Have to admit to myself...We're here

[***]

I don't want to admit it but I have to. DH has already had a V and I was ok with it, I guess I still am but I just kind of didn't want to admit it. If we didn't say it,it wasn't true.
Truth (I ahve to write this for my own good) We are done and won't have anymore children.
Cecilya is beautiful and is our miracle.
Sometimes I feel guilty for being in pain that she she will be an only because she is such a blessing. But I do feel that way. I wanted two. DH wanted two. My parents wanted two (or more) grandkids.
There are times that I feel like a failure because my body couldn't handle being pg. I look at my cousins (both had fluffy pg) and their beautiful boys and think why couldn't that have been my pg. Is it wrong to be jealous of a good pg? I listen to them planning for more kids and want to scream at them to just shut up I can't handle it. And then I feel petty for feeling that way.
I HATE HG
Ok its down in writing. I've said it it's true.
Thanks
This site and all of the phenomenal women on it is an absolute blessing.
I love all you.
Thankyou for your compassion and just everything.

Erika
Mom of Cecilya and two angels in heaven

[mandy]

Erika,

I think nearly all of us feel jealous when friends and family enjoy their pregnancies and then excitedly plan the next. It's something we never got to experience and we should have.

You know, I think you are very courageous. You obviously have an adorable daughter whom you treasure greatly. She will be an only child because you are making sure you are here (both physically and mentally) for her through her life. How could you be a better mother than that?

I've been on a long journey since my last bout of hg. Like you, I've had to acknowledge feelings and hurt that was painful to do. I found that by tearfully telling a certain few people close to me (who thought I should happily accept having my two) how utterly distraught I was at limiting my family size, well that helped my healing a little. I needed people to know how hard and unfair this was on my dh and I and for them to acknowledge it and not pretend that everything was perfect.

I am so glad you are walking away from hg with Cecilya here with you. I am so sorry that hg robbed you of all you had hoped for. Always here to talk if you want to.

Much love, Mandy x

[***]

Thankyou Mandy
You're right I do have a beautiful daughter and I will enjoy her. HG may have robbed our family of siblings for her but it didn't take me. I can act like a kid and enjoy Ceci. The goofy times help with the healing(I think).
Thankyou

Erika

[sarahkate]

I think many of us have been there with the envy. Isn't it supposed to be the best time of our lives???

Many people limit their family size for financial reasons. That's unfair too. But having to do it for health reasons, is also very painful. I think feeling your body has failed you is quite understandable. But YOU have not failed anyone, like Mandy says, you have made the best decision for your daughter and for you all as a family. 3 does make a family. I hope it starts to feel more peaceful in time, and maybe you will feel your extended family can come to understand and support you.

Sarah x

[BethersinMN]

[Proudmama]

I am so sorry that I just saw this post .

I wanted to share with you that I completely understand your thoughts and feelings. I hate that HG has caused such pain and hurt to all of us. I can honestly say that I can hardly stand being near fluffy pregnant women. I get upset and sad wondering if they know how truly lucky they really are? I want to tell them that they should appreciate the miracle growing inside them. Stop complaining about everything petty and small. The swollen ankles and an achy back are not going to kill you so enjoy being pregnant. Some of us do not get that chance to know what it is like to experience a normal pregnancy that is truly free of complications and near death illnesses.

and you are not alone.