A Very Good Question!

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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A Very Good Question!

Postby HGx3 » Jun 29, 2005 1:21 am

I thought this was a very good question, so I wanted to post it at the top for others to easily find. It is from an old post, that I am refreshing here.


I wonder if you would answer a question for me if it isn't too personal. I read in your other posts on this subject that originally you were scheduled to have a TL but because of other problems you did not and that is how DH ended up having the vasectomy some months later. Do you think that waiting those months made the decision any easier or more difficult? I ask because I can't really go through this again and my family can't handle it either. Still, I feel quite uneasy about the TL I have tentatively scheduled with my c-section. (I also have to admit that the idea my DH might suffer just a bit if he were to have a vasectomy is appealing to me! ) I have read that women who have TL in conjunction with childbirth are most likely to regret the decision. If I don't do it while I'm on the table for the c-section, I really don't picture myself going back to have it done 6 months later... so I'm back to my question, do you think the gap between your last child's birth and your decision to make having no more children a permanant choice helped you make peace with this or did it just prolong your agony and the inevitable?


When I was pg this last time, it was soooooo awful that I had NO doubt THAT I WAS DONE.I was sure of that, no questions, just done! I even signed the paperwork. I was having a tubal at 6wks pp. Then, as you may have read, fate took a different turn for me and the tubal never took place.

I have to honestly say that this has been the most miserable 8 months as far as intamacy goes. We have had sex probably twice BECAUSE, I got a stomach virus about 2 weeks after doing it. I thought I was pregnant................ I was ANGRY, yelling at dh, crying, it was horrific for me. Simply not worth the risk for either of us.

Not having the tubal did prolong the inevitable. I told dh that I could not experience the fear of wondering if there was a chance that I was pg. I told him something had to be done, and he scheduled his vasectomy. I figured it was the least he could do after what I had gone thru...

I think if you have hg, and you have had more than one child, then you are not making a hasty decision. At that point, you know whether or not you can experience hg ever again, and for me, I simply could not. Because I already knew these things, I didnt want to take the chance of "forgetting" just how bad it really was, and convince myself that somehow another pg would be different. I would not have regretted the tubal, and still plan to have one at some point

It is still sad though........making it permenant and all, but sad and sick are two very different things!!!!

I hope this helps some, sorry so long.
Huge Hugs,


Thank you. That helped a lot. Your line about not "forgetting" and convincing yourself that another pg would be different really hit home. That is exactly what I am doing and I'm still pg and sick! I think I will definitely get pg again and then immediately regret it because of the sickness and the suffering of my family if I don't take action to prevent that asap. I am clinging to having that "option" when really there is no option for me. I don't know why but your post really made this all clear to me. So, thank you. I've been ready to be "done" but I think now I'm ready to admit to myself that I'm really finished with this whole pg thing! Now if I could just really finish this pg!!!! Just three months to go!
Huge Hugs,
HG Mom to:
Matthew, 2001
Lauryn, 2002

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