Finding it hard

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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Finding it hard

Postby kimm » Jul 04, 2005 6:01 am

Hello,

I've just returned to the hg site to seek some moral support. As always, I start reading through posts and very quickly end up in tears through recognising the feelings that are expressed by other hg sufferers.

I had severe hg with my 1st pregnancy and we have a gorgeous 7 year old son. Although terrified about another pregnancy, we managed to conceive 2 years ago - which resulted in a miscarriage at 9 wks. Since that time we continually 'talk' about our desire for another child but just seem completely paralysed by the fear of hg. My dh doesn't want to see me go through it and risk further health problems. When I imagine having hg again I feel so terrified but can't seem to make a definate decision to not have any more children. I've just turned 37 and I don't really feel that we have much time left to leave this up in the air.
I constantly try and tell myself that having our beautiful, gorgeous child is enough and to move on, but find it hard to do.
kimm
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Joined: Jul 04, 2005 5:02 am

Postby IslandDreamer » Jul 04, 2005 1:33 pm

Hi Kimm,

It's a really hard decision for most families. The desire for another child can be very strong.

I'm so sorry about the baby you miscarried. I know I was just fine with no more kids after Chris, but then I lost Hope and couldn't decide what to do. Well, I didn't get to decide and am back in the midst of HG with my little surprise. I tell you this only because I share in the confusion and still struggle with being pg some days...not just the hg, but the coming ppd is overwhelming for me. None of this is easy when HG is involved.

Two things I've learned tend to be true, though not always. HG tends to get worse in subsequent pregnancies (but some folks get a reprieve and it isn't worse). And we all manage subsequent bouts of HG much more successfully. So while I am filled with information this time and doing much better at managing the HG, I am sicker....the net result is about what I felt like in my first HG pg...except I'm just more exhausted. But that could be my age (39). I'm not working at this point, and I could with my first case of HG. I know...my story isn't encouraging in the way you might hope, but I can say it has been much easier to cope, even with being sicker. Knowledge and a new doctor make a huge difference....and the Prozac helps. :wink:

Spend some time in the preparation board as you consider your options for your family. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Suzanne
IslandDreamer
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Postby mandy » Jul 04, 2005 1:40 pm

Hi Kimm,

We have two hg children but always planned on having four. After many tearful discussions going back and forth with the issues, we have decided to stick with our two. It simply came down to the fact that I can live my life having stopped at two and completely justify this to myself. I can live with the fact that I can't 'do' hg again. Although I hate to be defeated by it (that is how it feels to me) I just don't believe I have another hg pregnancy in me.

I am so sorry for your loss. You had built up the courage to do it again and suffered hg, and then were 'robbed' of your baby. I hope you can find some peace about your decision which ever way it goes. I was mainly scared of living my life with regrets but the reality of hg will always be with me so how can I regret not putting myself and my family through that again? I hate that we all have to deal with these issues when all we want to do is the most natural thing in the world - have a baby.

Mandy x
mother of two
hg from wk 6 - daughter born in 1999
hg from wk 5 - son born in 2002
mandy
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