I am SO Sad - I knew this day would come.

[di]

And I should be so HAPPY! One of my best friends has just told me that she is having another baby - her oldest just turned one year old a couple of weeks ago! She is one of the loveliest people I have ever met, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding, came to visit me several times in hospital when I had HG, etc. She also does pg beautifully - you know, one of those fluffy bunny mummy types- but she is such a great friend and I don't begrudge her that of course, but OUCH, my heart feels like it is breaking all over again. Thankfully she only sent me a text message on my phone to tell me (she lives a long way away), so she couldn't see my reaction. I don't think I could have held it together long enough to excuse myself from her presence before I burst into tears. It was all I could do to send back a reply saying congratulations.

I knew this day would come, but I didn't expect it so soon, nor did I expect it to hurt this much. At present, the medical care in Australia for HG is inadequate for the severity of my HG so it is unlikley that I will be having any more kids, certainly not in the near future, if at all. I have just spent the last two hours bawling my eyes out (and still very upset). I wanted at least 2 kids, but I was open to the idea of more and that seems just like a pipe-dream now.

I just had to post because it is very late at night, and while hubby held me while I cried, he needs to get some sleep coz he has to go to work tomorrow and I am still too upset to sleep.

Sorry about this post, but I felt you guys were the only ones who would understand why a dear friend getting pg would upset me. I am only 3 months pp, but if pg agreed with me then I would be ttc again either now or in the not-so-distant future

Also I don't know if I posted this on the right board or not, but it is related to the pain of limiting our family due to HG. I thought I had dealt with these issues, but obviously not, and I fear that I will have to deal with these feelings every time a friend has a second (or third etc) child, and I am not looking forward to it. Does anyone think that professional counselling might help me deal with this?

Thanks for letting me get it out.

[mandy]

Hello Di,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I completely understand. We have two children but always planned on three or most probably four. My friend has just given birth to her third, and when she told me of that pg, I cried. I wanted to be pg too with my third. Luckily for me, her 3 year old ran off as she told me so I managed to compose myself by the time she returned.

It is early days for you. Like you say, a pg is a possibility for you but not soon. Hold on to that. It may happen, and time will fly as your little girl does all her firsts (steps, birthday etc).

Things have got easier for me and I have gone from feeling very angry at hg for stopping me from completing my family, to feeling happy that I beat hg the two times I did and walked away with my children and myself healthy. My best friend can not have any children (she is 29, married 3 years) and another good friend has just lost a child within the last two weeks. These things make me feel lucky to have what I have.

I understand your frustration but feel from your post that it could happen for you that you will have another child just not near soon enough for when you would have planned. It could be possible though. I hope writing your post has helped you a little bit, all I can say is that now, 3 years pp, I found I have less anger and more acceptance. I'm sorry I can't say more to help.

Hugs, Mandy x.

[dwtegli]

I also understand the depression when everyone is pregnant. After my first I didn't think I would ever want another. Pregnancy was just to awful. It was so hard to see my friends and family having babies so easily, it still is, and I now have 3. It took me 5 years after the first one to even think about having another one. I have always wanted my kids 3 years apart, well the first two are 7 years apart and the last two are 16 months apart because of an oops. It still bugs me to see the fluffy bunnies. They just have it too darn easy.

[emily]

Ahhh, this was me a year ago, finding out my cousin was expecting her 3rd. She LOVES being pg Anyhow, it is what led me to realize that I could face HG again. Course, it had been three years! After having my second baby, I realize how resentful and sad I was after having Gwen, thinking I would never have another baby. But, after Tru, I am fine. I don't resent people who have wonderful pgs, I don't feel hurt and left behind. All I can say is that you truly have years to have another child, and you never know what advances will be made with HG, or what life will present you with. Anyhow, feel sad, angry whatever. You have the right to tha because HG is sooooo UNFAIR!

[di]

Thanks guys

I really appreciate your support . I had an appointment to check on my IUD the other day with my Ob/GYN and I also discussed the possibility of earlier, more agressive treatment for HG - I would have to go in to see him to get my IUD out if we wanted to ttc anyway . When I was pg with Jazmin, they tried to get a PICC line into me and couldn't because I was too dehydrated and I have a twist in both veins . I am wondering if I was properly hydrated - like now when I am not pg - if it would go in ok. My Ob/gyn said he will ask someone who does them about costs and risks etc, and send me a letter. If i would go to him to confirm my pg, then he may be able to put the PICC line in before I loose too much water/weight etc. It's all very iffy, but it gives me hope. I am going to see if they can thread a PICC while I'm well, just to make sure, since they couldn't do it last time I was sick. If they can't because of the twist, I may see if I can get surgery or something to straighten out the veins first. If I can't get that, then I will have to reconsider of course, but it puts me in better spirits knowing there is a small possibility. I also know that a PICC line will not make the HG go away, but maybe I won't have to be at death's door from lack of hydration. We are thinking about possibly ttc in 3-5 years - I'd like Jazmin to be toilet trained first....

Thanks for letting me share my news

[sickofit]

hi di..not sure if im supposed to be posting here or not, but i was so touched by your post i just had to respond. i had my first in 2001 and had severe hg but it was very responsive to medication and now im preg with #2 but it took me a long time to decide to do it..i felt like i had to grieve the dream of having 3 kids all 2 yrs apart like the fluffy bunnies do around here. my hg has been as severe but not responsive to treatment like the last one. i agree with the others that maybe advances will be made in the next few yrs for hg. you have a long time to recover and then decide about anohter. i have grieved some too because i wanted more but not sure if i can do this to myself again. maybe if id treated my hg earlier this time it would have been better. who knows? i just feel your pain on this and hope you can find peace with either no more or trying again. the strange thing about this is..i am so sick and have been in bed for months but my heart has had peace with our decision and ive had my bad days but im so thankful for this baby and what we are going through together! margorie