On a teeter-totter...

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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On a teeter-totter...

Postby _Laurie » Aug 29, 2004 5:46 pm

I'm so back and forth on the issue of having more it's crazy. I swore I'd never do it again. I even went for the consultation to get the coil thing that Pamela has. I started crying at that apointment and the doctor said I wasn't ready. Well, I guess he was right because I really don't know what I want at this point.

Maybe it's because at it's been a while. Maybe it's because a lot of moms around me who have toddlers Caroline's age are already pregnant or talking about it. It might be because dh says he'd rather not adopt at this point but I always wanted 4 kids. Or perhaps it's because all 6 (SIX, can you believe it!?) of my closest friends are pregnant and I'm going to 3 baby showers this month (already went to one on Saturday). Seeing those new little outfits is just heart wrenching for me. It might be that I'd really like to have a boy and then maybe I'd feel more done. Maybe because if it weren't for HG, I'd more than likely be pregnant again. I don't know WHY, but I know I waver back and forth and it makes me crazy. All it takes me to NOT want another is to read my old posts that I journaled a few months ago.

I don't really know why I'm typing this all out to bore you either. Just thought maybe someone else might feel this way.

HG sucks. :cry:

Laurie
Last edited by _Laurie on Aug 30, 2004 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
Laurie
3HG pregnancies: 2 sweet girls 4/01, 4/03, and my twins 1/27/07

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
-Helen Keller
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Postby Gail » Aug 29, 2004 9:42 pm

I'm right there w/ you. I had an appt a few months ago to get my tubes tied and I couldn't do it. Now I think I'm ready for more (I mean that in more ways then one if you know what I mean.) It's a hard decsions. Let me know if you just want to talk about it. I feel for you :D
Mom to two girls
Sydney (6-7-95)
Lauren (10-13-99)
Lost Angel (2-9-04)

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content---Bob Dylan
Gail
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Postby _Laurie » Aug 30, 2004 11:00 am

Thanks, Gail. It's good to know someone else can relate. Sometimes that's all it takes to make someone feel a little better, and it did help me. :)

So, you're thinking now you want another? Do you mind if I ask what made you change your mind?
Laurie
3HG pregnancies: 2 sweet girls 4/01, 4/03, and my twins 1/27/07

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
-Helen Keller
_Laurie
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Postby Gail » Aug 30, 2004 5:10 pm

Laurie-
I never thought I wanted to go through hg agin until I had an unplanned pg earlier this year and had a m/c in feb at 14 wks. That was bad, just like I had remembered it to be. After the m/c I decied to have my tubes tied but then I found this site and all the support here.(I already have support at home) It wasn't until then that I realized how much I had gone through and I was still okay. I really want more children and it sucks that hg prevents that from happening. We just moved and are in the process of selling our old house and getting an addition on the new house. So now i'm tring to decide if we need 3 or 4 bedrooms!! I hope this helped.
Mom to two girls
Sydney (6-7-95)
Lauren (10-13-99)
Lost Angel (2-9-04)

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content---Bob Dylan
Gail
Opinionated HGer
 
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Joined: Jun 02, 2004 12:58 pm
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Postby _Laurie » Aug 30, 2004 5:51 pm

Oh, I'm soooo sorry about the baby you lost, Gail. I didn't mean to bring up anything painful for you.

I'm so glad you found this site. The ladies here (although then it was at delphi forums) were such a help to me during my last pg. I couldn't have done it without them. What a wealth of knowledge and experience all in one place!

Congrats on your move. I hope you'll feel very at peace with whatever you decided (3 or 4 bedrooms). :)

Thank you for sharing. Not that I'm happy that someone else can relate to HG changing things, but it does make me feel not so lonely...
Laurie
3HG pregnancies: 2 sweet girls 4/01, 4/03, and my twins 1/27/07

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
-Helen Keller
_Laurie
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Postby PamelaRose » Sep 05, 2004 9:40 pm

Ugh - Feeling torn between more babies and HG is terrible. I'm sorry you're conflicted, Laurie! I had always, always, always said 3 children; even after HG, I still said 3 children. But toward the end of my pregnancy with Avery, I began to doubt that I could do it again. I convinced myself that 2 was a good number, that the first miscarried baby was the 3rd baby for us, that I could be happy with 2 children. I told everyone that I was done, but I could not dream of anything permanent as far as tubal or vasectomy; I couldn't imagine taking the chance of more babies away.

And eventually, I got to the point where you're at now, where I began contemplating another pregnancy and trying to figure out the hows and whys. And we all know how that ended--Miss Reilly in all her glory! But the instant we found out Reilly was on the way, I KNEW this was it. There was no convincing myself, no second-guessing. I knew she was the last baby, and I never had a moment of doubt about the tubal. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to give it time, to question what's in your heart and mind. There are so many good options for birth control that you don't need to worry about sterilization until you know you're at that point, if you ever do. I hope you can reach a happy agreement with DH on this; Troy and I waffled back and forth so much that we couldn't remember who wanted another and who didn't when I actually got pregnant. :wink:

How are your girls? How did you fare in the storms? Hope all is well!
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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Postby aaronsmommy » Sep 05, 2004 10:20 pm

I wish I could say I didn't know how you feel.
I know in my head that I won't get pg again, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming and planning another. I plan out the right timing, treatments, ways to help my husband cope, what to do with work, with Aaron . . . I could never do something permanent because I can't get rid of that hope even though I'm sure it can never happen.
I'm not quite ready for another, making the first took so much out of me that it will still be a while, but when I am, I don't know what I am going to do to get through and accept that I just can't.
I also see everyone else with kids Aaron's age pregnant, or trying, or with a newborn, and happy and I HATE it.
Aimee

Aaron 12/4/02
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Postby mandy » Sep 10, 2004 1:20 pm

Reading this has made me think about why we contemplate permanent options like vasectomies. I have been/ am going through this and wonder whether seeing a dr about permanent steralisation was my way of 'testing' myself????????? We haven't gone through with it. yet.

I know the 'sensible' choice for us is to stop our family here at two but it's so hard. I understand how you all feel................ I wonder if in five years time we would all have had another or not and how we feel then. I'll put it in my diary to do a poll then, to help future members!!!!!!!!!!
mother of two
hg from wk 6 - daughter born in 1999
hg from wk 5 - son born in 2002
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Postby Kristie » Oct 25, 2004 11:03 pm

I feel crazy too about the HG...Unfortunately, I had a ligation after the birth of my third child. All 3 of my pregnancies were rough. The first, I was too uneducated about how sick was normal, the second pregnancy was convinced that all the sickness was elevated because of my father's cancer and my last pregnancy took everything out of me. Although, I will never forget all the IV's, Reglan pumps, and nonstop sickness, it does not take away the feeling I have about wanting the last one we had planned. I know logically that I have no business putting my family through this again; but I regretted the TL right after I had it. It was just not the right time for me to make this decision. I am looking into reversal, although I am not sure I can do it. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt and selfishness. Anyway, I am blessed to have 3 children and a wonderful husband. I hope my heart will let me get past all of this. I cannot believe I am actually hoping to go through this again. Of course I will get so much grief if I do so...I know so many people who just do not understand. Thanks so much for this site...I do not feel so judged here!
Kristie
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