Need some advice

[Proudmama]

Ladies,
I really need some advice here. DH is scheduled to have the big snip in a few weeks. We both decided that two children were plenty considering how difficult my pregnancies have been (you all know what that is like). DH said he does not want to see me go through that again and I want to be here to raise my babies. My problem is this, Do I get a T/L as well? I am so scared that his procedure will not work and I will have an oops. I do not want to take the pill again either because it always made me nauseous (and I have had enough of that to last a few lifetimes).

The other issue...I know that I do not want any more children (I use to want three but with my last pregnancy, that has become a distant memory) but I still feel a bit sad at the fact that I will never be able to have any more babies. Is that strange? I really am content with two but just knowing that I will no long be able to conceive is well...depressing. I also know that DH is very set on not having anymore and well, I am as well. Does/did anyone else ever feel this way?

Thanks

[PamelaRose]

I had my tubes done after Reilly was born, and it took a year before I was finally able to relax enough to not worry about pregnancy every month. As long as you're very careful to follow instructions about checks and rechecks (and abstinence/bc during the wait), odds are in your favor. Not 100%, but neither is a tubal or any bc. In our case, we did talk about dh having a vas in addition to my t/l, but as time's gone on we're content to leave things as-is. We've accepted that nothing is foolproof, and we've decided that if the unthinkable happens, it's God's way of telling us that dh needed his Addie (name he found after Reilly was born and just loved). Ask yourself what you would do if the sterilization failed, and if you can live with the answer, there you go.

I do think it's normal to have longings even when you're sure about sterilization. Think about the reasons you've given for not having more children, and then imagine that HG was cured or you hit the lottery or whatever the scenario; would you change your mind and want more children? For me, the answer was a resounding no - we just cannot handle more children, regardless of HG or money or space or time, regardless of how sweet and cute and cuddly new babies are. If you find yourself thinking that you would have more if HG, money, etc. wasn't an issue, then perhaps it's wise to hold off--there are IUDs that work as effectively as sterilization for up to a decade. Or have some sperm frozen before dh goes in for the snip.

[nomore]

Jamie-

How exactly did you get inside MY head and write my thoughts I think I could of written your post word for word, except DH got the big snip about 3 months ago.

I am certain that pregnancy for us is not a good idea... HG and Pre-e related. Due to the Pre-e its likely I would end up with another premature baby.. possibly even more premature than Katie. And, Katie is has been a very collicky baby, making the "reward" of her being here a little less, well rewarding at times

DH is adament on no more kids. Im 100% sure of no more kids. But, that doesnt mean Im not still sad Katie is my last baby. I cleaned out her 0 to 3 month clothes and cried. Not becuase I wont have another child to wear them, but because she outgrew them. I dont think even with perfect pregnancies we would of gone for 3, BUT, that doesnt mean I dont resent the fact that the choice really isnt up to me (and DH) anymore.

So... I understand EXACTLY what you are saying.

[mammaclare]

We are snipping too. And I know it is the right thing...the best thing for all of us. And I am already scared that even with the snip, I will have the monthly panic that I have lived with for almost three years now. I have a 29 day cycle and would start getting nervous around day 27 every month. I'd have phantom symptoms, played out in my head what I would do with a BFP, pray for cramping to start...you get the idea.

I don't want to live like that anymore. It sucked. But I also don't know, even with 3 swimmer-free samples (I think you are supposed to have 2, but I will need more than that I think!) how I can get rid of that fear. I won't do a t/l because I have read things about the after-effects that just are scary to me. A silly and un-founded fear but one I harbor nonetheless and since I do have that fear, I am sure that the hypochondriac in me would have "symptoms" of the syndrome even if I don't really have it.

We conceived both our kids on the 1st month trying, which for me makes that fear even stronger because clearly we are pretty fertile together. So I don't think your fears of a single method not being enough are weird at all!! I just dont' have my own answer yet of how to either A) deal with it or B) choose a backup method.

Oh--meant to add that I also get pukey feeling on the pill and I know it has been discussed on here and it seems that many of us had the same issue with the pill. You'd think someone with an MD after their name may have actually made a link and researched it by now...it would have been nice to know that my reaction to the pill and my life with migraine are both possible predictors of a really crappy pregnancy with at least major NVP if not the HG. Surely our little community here arent' the first women who have made some connection between tolerating the pill and getting HG and/or migraine history and getting HG. It wouldn't have changed a thing, as I would still have gotten pregnant and had Rory, but perhaps if the link were discussed in OB research then any of us would have been taken more seriously at our first call or ER visit in that first pregnancy when we had no idea what hit us.

How is mommyhood of two? Having fun?? Are you still on leave (bad sense of time these days...sorry!) or are you back at work? Maybe in a few more weeks I can be up to a meet-up at a park or something?

[Proudmama]

Thank you so much ladies. I really appreciate your feedback. I was beginning to feel like I was the only one with these fears about getting pregnant again after the the snip.

Pamela,
I really like your comments and thinking regarding pregnancy post procedure. I spoke with DH about it and we agreed as well. He is going to get the procedure done and hope for the best. If God intends us to have another child after his procedure, then I will have to endure the complications that come along with one of my pregnancies. Only God knows what is meant to be... Thanks again.

Robin,
Thank you for your reply. It has been a huge comfort to speak with you regarding the additional complications I endured during my last pregnancy. High blood pressure on top of HG was not fun but it was nice to know that someone could share their experience and knowledge with me. It is also nice to know that you and your DH were in a very similar as my DH and I. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It has really helped me know that I am not alone.

Clare,
You and your DH conceived as fast as DH and I. It only took two tries with DD and only a few more to conceive DS. This is another concern for me as well. I am really blessed that we conceived as fast as we did but with that also comes the concern of an oops. I just cannot risk that again.

I also agree with the pill comments. I did not realize that it was not normal to feel so sick with the pill until after I got pregnant and found this board. It would make a wonderful study to know if that could be a precursor to HG?

We are slowly settling in here as a family of four. DS does good with DD but he does manage to slip in a few hits, a scratch and even fed her a marshmellow (that I had to dig out of her mouth ). I know that he does not understand that it is not ok to express himself like this and I have to make him sit down once he does these things. He says "sorry" to his sister then gives her a hug and a kiss. I have to watch them both very carefully. Once you feel better, we have to meet someplace. It would be wonderful to meet another "true HGer". How about the Indy Zoo? We have passes that I can bring two extra people without any cost to them (unless you have passes for yourselves?) I am not sure if you could tolerate the smells but if so, it would be a fun trip. Does Rory like the zoo? My DS loves it. I cannot wait until I can take DD out there as well. Only a couple more weeks until we can go in public again .

Thanks again everyone. You have helped me to realize that yet again, I am not alone with my thoughts and feelings.

[dwtegli]

You are definitely not alone. After Cassidy was born, I was sure I didn't want any more children and I had plans to get a tubal. All of a sudden, I was late, and I was nauseous, we all know how that turned out. After Colton was born, I KNEW there was not going to be anymore. When I went to my 6 week post-partum visit, I asked the doc to schedule the tubal. I had been jokingly threatening hubby that he was going to have to get snipped also, just in case ever since we found out I was pregnant. When the doc and I were discussing the tubal, I jokingly said that he could just do a hyst and get it over with. When he agreed, I almost fell off the table. However, I was extremely happy that he did agree.

Now, all that being said, I still worry everytime I get even the least nauseous. I know it is not going to happen. however, I also know there is a very slight possibility. A Very, Very, Very slight possibility. And if it ever did happen, I know that it would be so very dangerous. That doesn't get rid of the fear. It is still there every once in a while. I have never admitted that before. I so love babies and I know I will never have another one. I would have more, if circumstances were different, I do believe that we would have more. We never will. And I am okay with that, although it took a long time to get here.

My whole point is, I don't know how to make the fear go away. I have the closest to a zero chance of getting pregnant that you can get, and yet I am still in fear of it.

I do like Pamela's idea though.

[teddi]

this may sound a little out there...

when we DO go for permanent birth control (currently use NFP) DH *is* getting the snip, at least this is our current agreement.

But you know what I've feared more than a few times? Ok what IF he gets snipped but....? what if I got raped and got pregnant?

I hate the idea of a tubal, the surgery (even if minor, sorry I've had my gallbladder removed, several oral surgeries, knee surgery and a c/s surgery and I'm flat DONE with surgery if at all possibly - I'm only 29!) but I hate the idea of being infertile

Maybe it's just that my fertility is ONE thing that while I *fear* it completely it's also the one part of making babies that works really well. Is that not weird or what?

But yeah even if DH gets the snip I still am afraid of something horrible happening.

[BrandiJK]

checking into this late, but I just saw it.

Dh is getting snipped the end of this month. I am on the depo shot, and as much as I dispise the thing, have decided to get one more to cover the time in which his swimmers go away. Being a baby concieved after a snip (my parents didn't understand they had to wait) I am very parinoid about it.
I know I will be scared. We are also very fertile together. I am scared now, heck, fighting the urge to buy a test and I am spotting every day!

We are done. I don't want to be pg again, and I don't want to have another baby. As done as I feel (and it is very, very, very done) I am still so sad at every stage Hailey passes through. Even Dh has mentioned how odd it feels to be not saving baby stuff any more. He says he'll be heart broken when we finially get rid of the crib (long way off, thankfully). There is a lot of saddness around it, bittersweet. It will be nice to let go of the fear of being pg (eventually, someday, I'll stop fearing it) but so sad to let go of that baby!