I've always suffered from anxiety attacks, it's part of my bipolar disorder. i usually take haldol which helps control the anxiety and hallucinations. But I'm not taking it now-against my doctor's advice-because it's Class C.
Anyway, I was doing fine until about two weeks ago. I started seeing things. I'd think I saw someone and then when I looked twice, there was nobody there. I'm not hearing any voices, which is good but, the visual hallucinations are really bothering me because I usually only have auditory hallucinations.
Anyway, I've just recently been able to go to grocery stores again and last night I did a major grocery trip and had some kind of attack in the store. I started getting very paranoid that I was forgetting something. At the end of every aisle I would read my shopping list 2 or 3 times and look back at the aisle trying to figure out if I'd forgotten something. I realized that I was talking out loud to myself-I always talk to myself but usually under my breath, not out loud in a normal voice. By the time I was done shopping, I couldn't look anyone in the eye, I was shaking and having a hard time breathing. It was aweful.
*FOODMENTS*Then this morning, my husband noted that although I forgot to buy juice and milk, I managed to buy three boxes of muffin mix (which we never buy) *END FOODMENT** I went and looked in the fridge and pantry and there are several things I don't remember buying that are in there-things we don't usually get. It is very strange.
Anyway, I don't know quite what my point is in this post. I'm just a little frustrated to be "losing it" like this. I was supposed to see my psychiatrist next Wed and they called yesterday to reschedule for the end of the month cause he's leaving town.
I don't know, I guess I'm just worried. I didn't tell dh about the anxiety attack and when he asked about the weird groceries, I just shrugged and said I was tired. I'm afraid he'll freak out on me if I tell him what's going on.
I feel ok today so I think maybe I just had too much going on last night....
I'm sorry, I don't think there's much point to this post, I just had to get it out. Thanks for listening.
Ruth