Anxiety!

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

Hmm, I'm starting to become aware of a gnawing, low-grade anxiety that's there a lot of the time, and it makes me very sad to bring this to my own consciousness. I'm sad that I feel this way, and wish I had more control over it (I've been trying to rationalize my way out of it). The 3 moves we made during my pg, job issues, money issues, HG, mother issues, feeling isolated, big decisions to be made about where we will live, and sleeplessness--have contributed to a sort of generalized anxiety that's there, underlying everything.
I don't really want to take meds, but maybe that'll be best for a while. I'm nursing though, and feel guilty enough about the meds Aidan was exposed to in utero.
Ugh, I'm so depressed about being anxious, as funny as that sounds!
I've started therapy again after a hiatus, so that will hopefully help.

UGH!!

Sarah

[Gracie]

(((Sarah))) hang in there! We're here for you... and I am glad to hear that you have started therapy. Please just remember that you have no reason to feel guilty about the meds you took while pregnant... they were very necessary for keeping you healthy enough to bring that little bundle safely into your arms.

[rjdecker]

Sarah,

With my first section, I could feel the depression coming on, and I tried to talk myself out of it. I kept trying to say that I was just nuts and this would go away. But it got worse. And I needed help. There are many drugs that are safe when bfing. Zoloft is one of them. Don't be afraid to get some help. It may even help Aiden settle down a litte! Who knows?

Jenny

[Marie]

Sarah,

Please learn from my personal experience....
When I had dd (my first child) I was so low. I doubted myself, and was always on the verge of a full blown anxiety attack. My dd must have sensed this as she was a horrible baby. Seemed to never sleep. Always needed to be held or rocked. Terrible reflux, colicky, etc.

I got help right away after having Tyler, and he is the ideal baby. Once I was on PPD meds he settled right down. He sleeps for 12 hours, and is happy until he gets hungry or needs a nap.

Please get the help you need, and don't worry about medications. My kids only glow when the lights are off (just kidding).

Huge Hugs to you,
Marie

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

LOL, Marie about glowing in the dark! Ok, I'm off to the doctor's soon. This kid's glowing in the dark without his mom on meds, so maybe meds will help us both.

Thanks, Gracie. I feel like I had to take the meds while pg, so I don't regret that. But I just don't want to expose him to any more now. But mental health is just as important as physical, so I should consider it.

Jenny, thanks! How do you do it with 5?? amazing!!

Hugs

Sarah

[rjdecker]

I don't know, Sarah. I really don't know how I do it with 5. Although the older kids are a big help.

Jenny

[BrandiJK]

Sarah, how are you doing?

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

aw, thanks for asking brandi. it means so much! i just wheeled a screaming baby up the mountain i live on from the train that was delayed 25 min. and the road is covered in 2 feet of snow with ice underneath! my landlord, who lives right next door, is outside when i arrive near my apt. and watches me struggling up the last mound, says hi, and cleans snow off his suv i felt like making some nasty comment, but shut up. on the train, a guy commented that there should only be one carriage in the area i was in--there were 2, and i wanted to bash his face in. i had a screaming baby, its snowing, cold, and the f-ing train was delayed, and i should worry bec. he has to walk around my carriage to a seat, poor sh-head
aidan had eaten when i left my aunt's house, and i thought he'd be ok. but i think he's gassy, and refluxy. i'm sooo tired, he woke up a ton of times last night. i went to the gyno for post-baby check, and i still have an abcess. icky palpitating of my nether regions. my breasts hurt again, so maybe the mastitis is coming back. aaarghhh!!!!!!!!!!
i'm starving but aidan's clingy. so making food will be hard. the anxiety level is high!!!!!!

thank you for caring and asking!

big hugs

sarah

[Gracie]

OMG (((((Sarah)))))! If I could fly there right now and shovel your walk then cuddle Aidan while you slept, I would do it in a minute. I am so sorry to hear about your landlord being such an @#*!

Hopefully by the time you have read this, you will have had a chance to put your feet up, have a cup of tea and take a few, deep relaxing breaths while dh cuddles Aidan for a few minutes. ((Hugs)) to both you and Aidan....

I wouldn't worry about the meds while BF, there are some safe ones (thanks Jenny, I will be keeping Zoloft in mind for myself too).... and Aidan won't mind, he just wants a happy Mommy

[BrandiJK]

((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))) I am so sorry! Do you have a front pack or sling? Sage was a very needy baby and I could never put her down. And reflux and nursing don't mix, it sends mom into a hypoglycemic tail spin. I would have been lost with out my front pack! (And back pack as she got older). I picked a sling for this time round, so nursing will be easier on the move.

I remember shakely getting to the fridge and eating spoonfuls of *FOODMENT* peanut butter *END FOODMENT* just to get something in me. Can your hubby help by leaving easy, one handed snacks in the fridge for you? *FOODMENTS* like cheese sticks, carrots, an easy container of peanut butter, celery, tofu rolls, anything *END FOODMENT* so that at times like this you can get in and munch as you go?


I hope your day gets better!

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

i've got aidan in a baby bjorn, and he is asleep in it! good ideas, brandi. thanks!

gracie, thanks

hubby's never home, working like crazy, so he's not here much to help

hugs

[Marie]

Sarah,

Oh my what a day you had Were you able to discuss your anxiety with your OB? What did your Dr. perscribe for the abcess?

Thinking of you,
Marie

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

just saw your reply marie. thanks for asking! things are calmer, i'm calmer. john dropped his norwegian course, so he's home more and pitching in more. we made the big decision to move, which helped a lot. aidan's in a bit more of a routine, and the lovely gripe water kimi's helen sent is helping with the gassiness. i'm learning to enjoy nursing while lying down, and propping up the head of the bed prevents reflux in aidan to a large extent, so i'm getting more sleep.
the abcess needs to drain on its own, and isn't hurting thankfully. my conversation with my therapist regarding the roots of the anxiety has helped a lot, so i'm going to hold off on meds for now. if it flares up again i'll consider it. thankfully, things have calmed down on all levels. i had reached saturation point i think, and exploded a bit. now, with things settling down and with more help and availability from john, i'm feeling much more centered. but i'm on the lookout for any more flare ups, and i'm aware that it's easy for me to fall back into the anxiety cycle.
thanks so much, soon to be neighbor , for caring hugs

sarah

[Marie]

Sarah,

I am relieved that things in general are going better, and I am thrilled that you are going to be my neighbor. My brother and his wife live in Kansas with my new lil niece, so we try to visit every 3 months or so.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make your transition smoother. I can plan to be off the weekend you decide to make the move to help unpack if you could use 8 extra pair of hands.....well not sure how much help Brianna and Tyler would be

Hugs,
Marie