Now that my wife appears to be turning the corner with this monster, I want to share with you a few random thoughts, ideas and other late night musings.
1. A mother's love is powerful. The quiet determination, selflessness and unbending resolve my wife showed in the face of such extreme and continuous suffering was nothing short of heroic.
2. Men, you have to step up. Put the rookie jersey away, get your glove and get in the game. Many women have posted stories of the support and love they received from their husbands. But what infuriates me is the women who wrote that their husbands showed little sympathy for them, while some even accused them of feigning their illness. Shame on you- you need to rise to the occasion and serve as an advocate for your wife, not a detriment.
3. Some good things came from this experience. With HG rearing its ugly head only weeks after our wedding day, I learned quickly who I could count on. I am thankful for the bond that my wife and I formed with our parents and friends as a result.
4. Include her family and friends. Though it wasn't easy, I sent daily emails to our friends and made daily phone calls to our parents to keep them updated on the my wife's status. Also, by establishing the daily email early, I was able to request that friends limit the phone calls. I also included a link to this website in an attempt to educate everyone on the seriousness of this illness. What a difference, my sister went from "maybe she's not cut out for it" to "oh my god, I am so sorry. I had no idea". Trust me, she will thank you for doing this.
5. Don't let the Doctors and Nurses disregard you. Your wife has all she can manage, you must be her advocate. I won't go into details, but I cannot express to you enough how important it is to set your expectations and let them be known. I wasn't the most popular guy at the hospital in the beginning, but by the end of two weeks, the staff slowly realized that my heart was in the right place. The Doctor even admitted that she had made a big mistake and promised to involve me more going forward. Some areas to focus on- insist that you be notified of any new medication prior to administering. Bring the hospital protocal outline that is avail. on this site. Ask questions and help to educate the staff- Of the dozen or so Nurses, not one had experience with HG.
6. Don't forget about the baby. I got so wrapped up in researching the illness, medication, alternative treatment, etc. that I often didn't see the forest through the trees.
7. OK, some things you can try:
Lemons, Lemons, Lemons. In bowls of fresh water, wrapped with ice in cloth napkins, in a sandwich bag, it really helped with the naseau.
Air filtration, humidifiers and a clean environment is very helpful.
Put food in separate Tupperware to avoid odors and maintain freshness.
Most likely she won't drink or eat a lot of the food you bring to her, but don't stop bringing it.
Books on tape, Sony sound machine, walkie talkies.
Create a schedule for your wife's care and for visitation.
Massage, acupuncture/pressure, hypnosis.
Seek advice from other professionals- Doctors, midwives, Specialists in Alt. Med., etc. You never know what you might find.
Take care of your health and the health of your job/finances. Remember the in-flight safety advice- always secure your oxygen mask before helping others. You must do this. I didn't do a very good job with this.
Make a questionnaire to help better understand your wife's needs. Ask questions like, "do you feel better with me in the room or out when you are vomiting?", "should I speak with family/friends in or out?". All those questions that are swirling around, make them multiple choice or y/n answers to help limit her having to speak or write.
Gifts, Love, Smiles, Touch, Encouragement
Finally, this was a happy accident but a really cool experience. Once your wife begins to feel better rent the movie "March of the Penguins". On my wife's last day in the hospital, I rented this. To see these tiny beings who come together in the face of such adversity, with one goal in mind- to bring life, is absolutely moving. One critic says it better "A loving ode to the life-altering (and at times life-threatening) dedication and devotion of parents"
May god bless all of you and give you the strength and courage to embrace this moment as a true test of your commitment and love for your wife. I truly believe that the decisions you make and the care you give to your wife and child will have a lasting and significant impact on your role as a husband and father.
Thanks.