by Fighton95 » Dec 27, 2005 10:18 am
Hello there, great topic and something that I am still dealing with today. Looking back, and you can read the thread prior to this to get a glimpse, I shudder to think of going through this again. I know it was supposed to be all about my wife and perhaps that was the difficult part. I actually got into it with the Doctor because she released my wife, in my opinion, too early from the hospital. I explained that just because you think it is about her, by doing such a thoughtless act, the Doctor sent into motion a whole chain of events that overwhelmed me. I had to ensure the car was clean and odorless. I had to go shopping for food, clean the house top to bottom, fire up the filtration, get her prescriptions filled, call friends and family to arrange for her care while I was at work. I told her that the medical staff must consider what they are doing to the husband when making such a decision that has her back in the hospital in less than 24 hours.
First, men are not cut out for something like this. I am an overacheiver, so for me, HG was my kryptonite. Most men thrive when the challenge is clear, the goals are defined and the timeline is constant. There is a beginning a middle and an end, oh, and it usually doesn't involve your strongest and favorite person (your wife) out of the game.
See, the one thing that has gotten me through some pretty nasty times (ie. ground zero on 9/11 or caught in the middle of the LA riots) was my confidence that I could overcome anything and protect myself and the people I care about from injury. Most men are this way. Driving snow, sleet, darkness and a flat tire- no problem (watch the x-mas story) we thrive on stuff like that. Again, clearly defined problem, a beginning, a timeline and an end. Oh, there's even a manual for this, of course we never use it. Had my wife had a manual, I would have read it.
But, HG didn't affect me (snakes and snails and puppy dog tails), it affected my soft and cuddly wife (sugar & spice and everything nice). The love of my life, and the one who is always there for me during times where I've been asked to step up. All of a sudden, I am making decisions for a woman who I just married, negotiating her health and the health of my first child. Arguing with Doctors, spending countless hours researching this monster, trying to assure your wife everything is ok, dealing with her parents, friends, work, her work. Just attempting to get some of her credit cards paid was an exercise in futility.
In one day, your husband could have worked for 12 hours, spoke with 1/2 dozen friends, two doctors, three family members, a hyponitist, an accupunturist and if they are like me, may have had a 1/2 hour conversation with the Maori Healers of New Zealand. This is the holiday season. My college football team is playing for their third national championship and I am discussing the healing powers of Papa Joe. I spoke to so many people, I feared walking into my wife's hospital room and seeing her surrounded by all of these specialists, chanting, inserting needles, saging, hypnotizing, etc.
Mostly, I was scared to death for my wife and my child's safety. Now that my wife is better, she pushes me to get out of the house. Spend time with friends. She encourages me to exercise. And yes, she even strokes my bruised ego a bit and sings my praises with her family and girlfriends. She reminds me often of how much she appreciated my efforts. She does her best, in her current state, to satisfy (creatively) my, ehem, certain desires. She loves me. What got me through this was knowing the shot she took for our family.
You've got to let your guys get out a bit, see there buds, have some fun and remind them that they are a man. Listen, I hear my friends talk about how hard is was for them during their wive's "normal" pregnancy. Their stories do not hold candle to what your husband just went through. Celebrate your man, thank him, treat him like the king of the castle, your hero, whatever. We feed off of that. It makes us stronger.
On a side note, just watched a few episodes of The Baby Story- holy cripes. Do you women really watch this stuff and still want to go through with it? Man, thank god for women.
If he would feel more comfortable, let him know he can hit me with a private email.
Good luck.