PamelaRose and other multi HG Survivors

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

Moderator: cormander

PamelaRose and other multi HG Survivors

Postby Fighton95 » Dec 27, 2005 12:49 pm

Question for you all. First, my wife and I have always dreamed of having three children. The other day, she said that she doesn't think she wants to get pregnant again. I am afraid to say anything, but hear that things are much better the second time around.

Can you give me some insight into your thought process? Did you have the same initial reaction? When did you change your mind? Was it easier the subsequent times?

Thanks for your help. I want to do the right thing and would never push my wife into going through this again is she felt strongly. I just wonder how life progresses and your thought process changes.
New Member
Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 28, 2005 12:27 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby JennyK » Dec 27, 2005 12:57 pm

Is your wife pregnant right now? If so, just give it time and don't worry about it for the moment. Most of us--maybe all--swear when we're pregnant we'll never do this again. But after our babies are born and we have time to heal physically and emotionally, many of us decide to sign up for more.
Annie, January '04
Will, August '06
Forum Moderator
Posts: 4942
Joined: May 31, 2004 6:31 pm
Location: Montana

Of course

Postby Fighton95 » Dec 27, 2005 1:02 pm

Yes she is pregnant, so I wouldn't dream of discussing this with her now. I am merely curious as to how some women were able to go through this 4 times. It seems like a tall order. Where there any differences with the subsequent pregnancies? Did you approach it differently knowing what was in store?
New Member
Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 28, 2005 12:27 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby dwtegli » Dec 27, 2005 1:20 pm

While I was pregnant, I swore their was no way I would ever do it again. It took me five years to decide that it wasn't really that bad, and another two years to actually get pregnant. Boy was I wrong, it really was that bad. My second child was to be our last, no matter what. We didnt' factor in an oops, resulting in my worst case of HG yet and the one where I finally found out that I wasn't crazy and the only one who suffered like that. It also resulted in our final child, our first baby boy. My point is, don't even approach the subject while she is pregnant. She will swear 40 different ways that she will never do it again. Afterwards, she will most likely change her mind. It may take a little bit, I was actually ready to try a little sooner than 5 years, but hubby was pretty scared, so it took longer. Hang in there, and keep supporting her. Discuss it after the pregnancy.
There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
Forums Administrator
Posts: 4023
Joined: May 29, 2004 10:48 am
Location: North Dakota

Postby JennyK » Dec 27, 2005 1:20 pm

I'm trying for #2 so I can't compare pregnancies yet. From what I've read on the boards, some find it gets worse with each pregnancy and some find it's a little easier. You'll have a child to look after next time, so that will be an added challenge.

There are lots of things you can do to prepare when you know it's coming. I was blindsided the first time. This time I've been on a vitamin regimin that will hopefully help a little, my doctor won't mess around with the first-line-of-defense morning sickness treatments that were ineffective, my family and friends are on stand-by to help, I made arrangements with my employer to take a leave of absensce and got disability insurance so we'll have at least some cash flow. Some women have had luck with preemptive alternative treatments before conception and doing detox diets.

When I was pregnant I wondered whether it would be worth it in the end. I had my doubts the entire time--even for a few days after my daughter was born. Now that I know it is worth it I think it will be easier to keep my eye on the prize next time.

If your wife decides in the end she don't want another pregnancy there's always adoption.

At this point I am fearless about more HG. It's what I have to do to get another child and I'm willing to face it. Do me a favor and remind me of how fearless I was when I'm finally pregnant and begging for mercy. ;)
Annie, January '04
Will, August '06
Forum Moderator
Posts: 4942
Joined: May 31, 2004 6:31 pm
Location: Montana

Postby PamelaRose » Dec 27, 2005 2:32 pm

As Jenny and Wendy pointed out, it is absolutely normal for women to swear up and down that they're never, ever, ever going through HG again. And then, within a couple years, they sheepishly start asking about protocols and getting the courage to face another pregnancy, and then the process starts all over when HG strikes again.

I miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks after a crash-course in HG, so my approach to repeating was perhaps a bit different. We knew we'd probably face the illness again, but after losing a baby and dealing with infertility, I would have done pretty much anything to have a child. And I admit to secret hopes that HG was a one-time fluke , that I'd sail through a full-term pregnancy. That was not the case, but at least we were somewhat prepared when HG struck again at the beginning of the second pregnancy. I had always wanted 3 children and kept telling myself I'd do it two more times, but there were doubts. When I went into labor with our son, I resolved that if I had any labor or delivery complications, I would not go through it again. I don't know how serious I was, as giving birth was the easy part for me, and within minutes of our son's delivery I told my rather stunned husband that we would definitely be doing it again.

And we did--two more times. Each time, HG got worse and worse and life got more and more complicated as we juggled care of the other children during my illness. Life during that first, unencumbered HG was easy by comparison! But what evened it all out was being prepared, knowing what was happening and how to react to it. With the first pregnancy you have no way of knowing the outcome, and it's difficult to believe that the suffering will have a happy ending. Once you have that first child, it's easy to see what other people have been telling you--it WILL be worth it. It's easier to see the light when you know it's actually there, though I fully admit to asking my doctor to just take me out and shoot me during third pregnancy and to being happy when I started spotting and thought I was miscarrying my last pregnancy. HG will never be easy, and there are always dark moments, but you gain more and more confidence in your ability to persevere when you go through again and again.

For now, don't worry about "next time." Be there for your wife and help her be excited about the baby, and odds are that she'll be bringing up the subject of another pregnancy once she's had time to get past HG and catch up with life again. Babies have this magic quality about them, and it's pretty hard to resist the lure of Baby Lust!

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
Forums Administrator
Posts: 6263
Joined: Apr 05, 2004 8:34 pm
Location: Danube, MN

Postby BrandiJK » Dec 27, 2005 4:14 pm

I agree with everyone, now is not the time to be concerned with dealing with this again.

After my first, I swore no more. I had my little moments of baby wanting, but the HG kept me away from any real need. It was pretty bad HG with not great care, did it all med free except for the meds that put me in the er because of bad reactions. It lasted through delivery, and took me over 2 years to recover fully.
I swore I would never do this again.

My second was an oops. It had been 6 years after my first HG experiance, but I remembered every horrid detail and was beyond petrified. However, I was blessed and the HG was not as bad. In fact, it was very mild.

My third, and current, pg was planned. I was delusional that the HG would be as easy as last time, and it wasn't. In fact, while I am not as bad as many of the ladies here, it has been a pretty miserable road. I am working hard to make it so I have a quicker recovery, and feel blessed this is even an option.
I have debated if this is it for me or not, and my husband and I have decided to wait until well after birth to make that decision. We know we want another child in the end, but do not know if we want to go through the HG again or if adoption would be our option.

I can say that while HG gets easier with each pg (only because we know what to expect and how to plan around it) it gets harder with each child and each added responsability. And it can be very hard on a marriage, esp. once there is already a child in the picture.
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
Master of HG
Posts: 4547
Joined: Aug 05, 2005 12:38 pm
Location: California, East Bay Area

Postby mrsbigdog » Dec 27, 2005 5:26 pm

I agree with everyone not to even think about having more until well after delivery.

For me HG has gotten increasingly worse, by huge degrees, each time. First time was pretty bad and untreated. After that I never wanted to go through another pregnancy. After I married my husband he really wanted another child and I wanted to have his child but really fought against it because I was afraid of being so sick again.

Many people told me "every pregnancy is different" and "it won't be so bad the next time". Truth of the matter - it was worse. I swore NEVER, EVER again and after watch and living through it with me my husband easily agreed!

Now I find myself 10 years later (and almost 40 yrs old) in a super surprise pregnancy. This has been by far the absolute worse HG pregnancy.

It does get better for some people each time but there are just as many for whom it gets worse. I would go through it all again for the girls I have and this baby but I will continue to avoid pregnancy.

Wait a year or two and then you will both have some perspective on what you can and cannot handle. Also, you will now know how bad it can get and plan ahead. Knowing and planning will help alot.

3x HG survivor: Theresa - 11/88, Katie - 1/95, Emily - 1/06
(one HG baby in each of the last three decades! - yes, just call me crazy)

HG Diva
Posts: 2153
Joined: Jul 24, 2005 8:37 pm
Location: Missouri

Postby IslandDreamer » Dec 28, 2005 2:58 pm

For me, I wandered down HG lane three times. The first by surprise, as is the case for all of us. The second and third times were, well, by surprise too as we were not ttc. I'm not one of the brave gals who signs up for a subsequent pg, but I can say I'm glad I got "caught" again.
HER Majesty
Posts: 9259
Joined: Jul 12, 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Texas

Postby carla » Dec 29, 2005 9:07 pm

After the loss of my first pregnancy, at 4 months, I swore that I would never put my body through that again. I thought I was going to die. A couple of months later the maternal instinct kicked in and I was begging for another pregnancy. I am currently 27 weeks and through the worst of the HG (knock on wood). It has not been easy, but I will admit that this pregnancy has been a bit easier on me than the last. Most of the help has come from the education and research that my dh and I did. We sought out specialists in larger cities and found an OBGYN that we could work with.

Many women seem to get worse Hg with supplemental pregnancies. I hope this helps a little.
Severe HG with DD (Gracee) 30/03/2006
Severe HG with DD (Amara) 01/04/2008
HG Diva
Posts: 2567
Joined: May 21, 2005 5:19 pm
Location: Penticton British Columbia Canada

Postby caleighbelle47 » Jan 01, 2006 3:44 am

Yep I absolutely swore during the first pregnancy that I'd NEVER do it again, and I meant it. Of course it didn't take long after I gave birth to start wanting another. Again I swore it would be the last. Of course I know that I'll do it again. I think what makes us do it again is the extreme desire most women are born with to have children and the love and joy we get from them. I'm sure we'd all agree that our kids were certainly worth all of it.

I think most of the time pregnancies get worse, however our ability to prepare for them a cope with them gets much better. My second pregnancy was worse, but we handled it better so it was actually easier in that sense.

The saying that it's easier the second time applies mostly to "regular" pregnancies.
Isabella- October 2004
John- September 2005
Phoenix- July 2008
Hazel- March 2010
Forums Administrator
Posts: 7867
Joined: Jun 07, 2004 1:06 am
Location: Utah

Postby Natalie » Jan 09, 2006 9:12 am


I just wanted to chip in here although there's not much more to add to what the other ladies have said.

I think I'm yet to meet an HGer (especially one who is pg) who hasn't sworn 'never again' and not totally meant it -AT THE TIME!!!! During my 1st pgy, I promised myself with every barf to never again get pg and as a special reward to myself, I would get sterilised at the end.

Well, here I am about to finish my 2nd HG pgy. The HG lasted longer than my first pgy (it came on at 5 weeks compared to almost 8 last time) and it has lasted a few weeks longer but... It has been sooooo much better this time as I planned, prepped, had a protocol all sorted and had this board to come and share / vent etc... And what's more, I'm pretty sure I'll do it all over again.

One last thing, I got pg at the beginning of last year and sadly had a mmc. I had no HG with that pgy and I can honestly say that having that experience put HG in perspective for me. I would go through HG 10 times over, walk over hot coals, anything... you name it... if only I could have kept my baby. So when I got pg with this baby I was desperate to be sick and was in a 'bring it on' type mental state because I knew HG couldn't possibly be worse than losing my much loved and much wanted baby.

Best wishes for whatever the future holds for you and your wife.

Love Natalie, x
2003 - DD
2006 - DS
2010 - DS
Forum Moderator
Posts: 6386
Joined: May 29, 2004 6:17 pm
Location: Auckland, NZ

Postby DonnyJM » Jan 17, 2006 5:43 pm


I'd agree that it gets worse with each pregnancy BUT I do believe that it may be managed in such a way as not to develop to it's full intensity - not sure if this would be in all cases but it has been working for us so far.

My wife had undiagnosed HG in her first pregnancy but we just thought it was normal bad morning sickness and only now realise what it was. The second pg was full blown HG that took us both by surprise and ended very badly.

Now with this third - we are now at week 14 - we are just coping. I believe this is because we have tried litterally everything that has been suggested in the forums and discussions. We prepared and planned for a battle and that is what we have done - attacked HG and day by day we are getting through it.

So I'd wait until this one is out owell and truly out of the way and you have a beautiful baby and then if you and your wife want to have another baby then plan and try everything you can.

We also tried lots of things pre-conception that also helped with fertility etc..

Keep battling on,

Father of Eleanor (age 5)
Husband of HG'er due 19th July 2006
New Member
Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 13, 2005 4:14 pm
Location: nr Cambs, England

Return to Partners, Friends, and Family

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest