Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarriage?

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DID you ever think about it?

I did think about death, miscarriage, or termination
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination
Total votes : 268

Postby Kev's_girl » Apr 25, 2007 2:36 am

Honestly, yes, I've thought about all three. Termination being the least of them, but miscarriage and death?? Yes.... still do.

It's something I can't even say outloud, and won't, but when I'm at my worst and crying, and my husband is holding me and I say over and over, "I just can't do this anymore," I know he can see in my eyes what I'm thinking. We both agree that termination is not an option unless my life is seriously threatened... even then I can't imagine what a horrible decision that would be to make, and my heart goes out to all of you that have had to make that decision.

My thoughts don't start out with, "wish I was having a miscarriage", but when the nausea/vomiting is at it's worst, I think about how there's no way our baby will be able to survive what my body is going through, and then I worry that I'll have a miscarriage, then I think that the suffering would be over if that happened. It's always directly related to having this horrible suffering be over with. Including the times that I wonder if this will kill me.

I think alot about what Kevin would do if something happened to me and the baby, and what my family would do. I don't want to die, and I don't want to lose this baby. But you can't help but think sometimes that you can't go on like this. It's difficult just to think about now, and type this out, because I know that this should be the happiest time of my life, and it just isn't. That is awfully depressing to me right now.

The only hope that I have is that I will have a healthy baby boy, and when I hold him in my arms, I will instantly love him and know that this was all worth it.
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Postby pamedic » Apr 25, 2007 8:54 am

I picked
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination

With my first pregnancy everyone told me it was normal to be so sick and I didn't know any better. I was miserable, but able to suck it up. With my 2nd pregnancy it took us 11 months to conceive and I vividly remember laying in bed crying that I didn't know if I were ever to get pregnant again, how I would handle being so sick again. Little did I know I was also ready pregnant at that point. I had no clue it could get so much worse. I had Severe HG with #2. I never wished death on myself or the baby. I know if anything happened that I would get pregnant again. We wanted 2 kids and come Hell or High Water I was going to have 2 kids. I feared all the time that something was going to happen to the baby, but never wished it on him.
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Postby DMImakai » May 02, 2007 12:47 am

The honesty of this thread is just wonderful.

When my HG was at its worst, I did think about miscarriage, like "maybe I'll have a miscarriage and this ordeal will be over . . ." sort of way. I did not think about death, though I did think about how being so sick made me much more sympathetic towards those with lasting debilitating illness.

As for termination, since it is a legal option, it did cross my mind but I never seriously contemplated it. I am pro-choice and always have been, and this PG did not change my mind. In fact, I was so frightened by my illness and realizing how much worse it could have gotten without the care I got, that I was grateful that termination was an option, albeit one I would not have exercised. I just could not imagine being that sick involuntarily. By that I mean I reminded myself that I had chosen to get pregnant and wanted the baby desperately, and even though I didn't chose the illness, I would live through it voluntarily. (Sorry, I'm not expressing this very well . . .)

I've never seen statistics about this, but since we are being so honest, can't HG be deadly without treatment? Seems to me it can. Imagine having it in a place where IVs were not even available!
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Postby natacha » Jun 05, 2007 4:52 pm

Wow, reading this post just gives me the chills. I can recall those thoughts and the thought process so clearly. I also live with the guilt of wishing for a m/c and then having it happen almost immediately after thinking it. This happened with my second PG. I was PG with twins and had already been in the hospital 2x. They had tried 2x to insert a PICC line but were unable to due to my lousy veins. I lost the twins at about 12 weeks. We tried to have genetic testing done but was unable to get any information. All we know is that they were identical since they shared the same sac. It helps to see that other have had the same thoughts.
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Postby bethanyk » Aug 30, 2007 1:57 am

At the beginning, I thought about all three every day. I actually thought that I was completely losing my mind, because I would pray for a miscarriage just to end the horror, but then the reality of what I had done/thought would set in and I would try to "erase" it by saying 2 prayers that the baby would be safe. Then I would have the same thoughts about my own death and repeat the process again and again. It was this horrible vicious cycle. As far as termination goes, I don't think I ever really, really seriously considered it, but I would fantasize about it just to imagine an end to my misery. At this point, now that I am almost full term, I am so, so grateful that none of those things happened, and am just hoping and praying for a healthy delivery.
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Postby janbabe » Sep 11, 2007 5:44 am

I voted yes. I remember lying in hospital just wanting to die. I actually hoped each night that I would just not wake up the next morning. Then I found out at 10 weeks that the baby had severe abnormalities and wouldnt survive to full term and the hospital wouldnt terminate I wished every day to have a miscarriage. To be honest I dont know what the outcome would have been if we didnt factor in the fetal abnormalities. Who knows? I may have given in and terminated, i would like to think I am stronger than that but Im honestly not sure if I am. I hope next time I cope a bit better because Im a bit more mentally prepared, last time I had no real idea what was happening and no support from the doctors or hospital (backwards health system in Australia!)
The honesty of everyone in this thread is really moving, you are all so brave
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Postby Mommy2myHGkids » Oct 23, 2007 3:18 pm

I didnt think about a m/c or abortion at all with either of mine, I just REALLY REALLY wished that the people that had never had it would understand what I was going through. They would always say, if you dont think about being sick, then you wont be. But if you sit and mop and think and worry about being sick, then you are going to be. I was like, yeh right, like I really want to be sitting here vomiting all day long rather than play with my 17 month old.. Geez!!!

But I can totally understand if someone did have those feelings though. I was VERY tough!
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Postby -samanthakay- » Oct 23, 2007 6:33 pm

I vote yes.
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I voted YES!

Postby livelymommy » Dec 14, 2007 7:01 pm

After having a miscarriage I never even considered terminating my pregnancies but the thought of dying sounded like a good alternative to what I was going thru. During my last pregnancy I remembering wondering "What the HELL was I thinking getting pregnant again, why did I think it might be any different!!??" :sickfast:
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Postby gingerbread » Dec 17, 2007 3:51 am

I have wished for death for myself many times and have told DH the same thing, especially on the bad days. I didn't want the baby to die, just me. :? :(
Forever missing my angels, ~T~
(m/c-vanishing twin syndrome) & ~Blake~ 6/26/02-7/8/02 (died from CHD)
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Postby Nature4 » Dec 17, 2007 6:59 pm

You know, I did with my twins. I was even hospitalized twice for suidical ideation. But since them I've had 19 pregnancy losses 2 of which (both this year alone) were near brushes with death for myself.

I have wished, this time, that the doctor had simply tied my tubes with my ectopic (1 month before this cycle) and I have wondered what on EARTH we were thinking wanting another child for so long, but I have NOT wished for another miscarriage or to die. Not after all I've been through. I've even thought I might BE dying (a body can only take so much!).. but honestly not hoped for it.

I guess my intervening life experiences have changed my perspective.
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different w. each preg.

Postby DeAnna » Jan 29, 2008 1:24 am

My first and second HG's I didn't think of either of the three. I don't know why. I was told at one point in the ER that I was about 30 minutes from death and it was a good thing I got there when I did. But I never considered it. My in laws kept suggesting termination and I just thought that was absurd. I was sick. Lost close to 15 % body weight, TPN, the whole thing.

#3. was a different story. I begged God and dh to not let me die. To please choose me over the baby when the time came (I just knew it would). I was scared to death of death the whole 16 weeks. I secretly wished for a mc just to make the HG go away. I looked at abortion ads in the phone book (I was too weak to read them, I just looked at the page). I thought maybe if I just called them that they could make it better. Somehow I knew that was not my real self and did not call. I just consoled myself with the fact that there was an option. I was always saying outloud "what was I thinking, I don't really want one, I change my mind". That was only the sickness talking. I prayed constantly for healing for me and the baby. She died. I didn't really mean any of those sickness induced things.
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Postby WendyLeigh » Feb 26, 2008 10:36 pm

Every day I prayed for death. Every. Single. Day. I didn't want to terminate, but I wanted to not be sick any more, KWIM? I cried bc I wanted to miscarry so my family wouldn't be diappointed in me for not keeping the babies (I did decided to continue on with my pregnancy and had big healthy twins). I just wished I could die. :cry:
No day but today....
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Postby eliana1300 » Feb 27, 2008 12:12 pm

This is such an awesome thread! I love that everyone is being so honest here.

Miscarriage--I thought about it, but I knew that it was in God's hands for that. Although logically I knew there were things to do to induce a miscarriage, I actually forgot about them, so I just assumed that God would decide this option for me.

Termination is a different story. I have been VERY pro-life my entire life. So you can imagine my surprise when I actually thought of forcing my baby out of my body. It scared me. I am planning on (when I have recovered from my pg) to go to a neighborhood pg-help center to educate them on HG (if they don't already know about it).

Death for me--almost every day. I had/have struggled with depression for many years, so thinking suicide isn't new to me. I actually had a plan, if I ever wanted to go through with it. But those were the days when I actually wanted the baby to survive, just not with me.

What got me through these times were realizing these thoughts are totally normal. When I really needed the hope, I would think about the other side of these thoughts (what would happen to DH/baby if I followed through). Most of the time, I couldn't bring myself to see that side. Of course, it helped that these were the worst times when I was the most dehydrated, so getting an IV really helped my attitude too.
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Me too!

Postby bmbg0707 » Feb 27, 2008 3:24 pm

I had those bad thoughts about everyday with my first PG...with my 2nd not at all....
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Postby monica1296 » Jul 28, 2008 2:11 pm

At 12 weeks with the first little one, I went to the OB and begged her to help me. I hoped it would all just go away. Then she had a hard time finding the heartbeat. My heart sank! Then there it was. As I walked to the car, I called my hubby sobbing, apologizing for even thinking that. We talked about termination with the second, for just about 5 seconds and knew we couldn't do it. Now with this one...at 20 weeks, I just wish I could take the little one out and just incubate it in some neonatal place. But I know all I need is 16 more weeks and I can be pretty much done (last little guy was born at 36 weeks and was larger than my 7.5 lb 38 weeker).
Monica...One written exam away from being a midwife.

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Postby bellasmama » Aug 02, 2008 1:03 pm

I never thought of termination or miscarriage. I was actually terrified everyday of losing the babies because I was so sick. With my first pregnancy, I was untreated until the third trimester. I was admitted to the cardiac unit with heart problems & failing kidneys. It was then that it occurred to me that I might actually die from this. I was so angry that my OB did not treat me sooner. That was when I learned I needed to be proactive & demand treatment.
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Postby tena » Dec 01, 2008 1:15 pm

I thought about death everyday for the last 4 months. I thought about terminating but couldn't live with the guilt. I wished that I just wouldn't wake up so my baby and I would go together at no fault of my own. My MDs pretty much left me for dead so I almost did end up dying anyway, the only way I didn't is because my baby almost died before me.
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Postby hgmama » Dec 02, 2008 11:55 am

Definitely hoped for miscarriage with the last two. Felt awful about it. Generally feel awful everytime for how much I HATE being pg, but after I had my first, and realized that I loved him just like any other mother would, the guilt subsided some, and now I just allow myself to hate being pg :)
Last edited by hgmama on Jan 12, 2009 8:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Surprisebabyfive » Jan 12, 2009 8:09 pm

At about 7 weeks I got really bad and should have been hospitalized I'm sure but my regular OB was not on call and the on call doc told me to eat crackers. I had gotten up to puke and then I had to vomit and the next thing I remember is feeling warm and nice and happy. Apparently I had passed out and fallen and given myself a concussion and some pretty ugly bruising. My husband (hero) came rushing in the bathroom and scooped me up off the floor which brought me back to the real world. I yelled at him and cried for not just letting me lay there and die. I was so mad. So I definately voted yes.
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