Even a little HG is too much

The HER foundation contributed letters from our forums members for a show that featured Hyperemesis as a topic. The show aired in April of 2007.

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Even a little HG is too much

Postby becca93 » Feb 27, 2007 1:26 pm

Although my case of HG was mild, especially by comparison to the struggles of many of the women in this forum, it was more than enough to drain the joy from my first pregnancy, my relationship, and my life in general.

I don't remember when I started getting sick. I do remember that around week 6 my partner and I were hitting garage sales in hopes of stocking the nursery, and she had to keep pulling over so I could throw up. I welcomed the "morning sickness" since, according to all my books, it was a sign of a healthy gestation.

I remember conducting class through a haze of dehydration and nausea, with a thermos of grape Pedialyte handy...and the frequent need to excuse myself to go throw up. I remember curling up in misery on a makeshift bed of three desk chairs, waiting for students to bring their final papers and jumping up whenever I heard footsteps so they would not catch me in a fetal position. I remember overhearing students wondering if I had an eating disorder.

By 12 weeks, I had lost close to 20 pounds, been in the ER twice, contemplated termination, and seriously considered suicide. I wondered if my problems were God's way of telling me I was not meant to have a child. All the Pedialyte and crackers in the world failed to stay down. When I wasn't vomiting, I was dealing with nausea. I felt like a failure--women deal with morning sickness every day, after all, so clearly I was just a wimp. When the diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum came, I looked it up online and learned, at last, that what I was enduring was not normal.

I was lucky. As a teacher, I had the first part of the summer (and the worst stretch of my HG) off of work. I had a doctor willing to prescribe medication and insurance coverage that paid for that medication. I found these forums, which gave me stength--and a solution to my nausea.

Still, I spent my pregnancy feeling like I was carrying a parasite. I worried that being sick would harm my son. I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror and then stopped looking in the mirror.

Now that my son is here, healthy and beautiful, I am trying to handle the fallout of HG, however mild. I can shower again without vomiting, but I can't go into most restaurants in the area since I was sick in all of them at some point. I can eat and drink again, but I can't bring myself to eat anything but yogurt and cereal for breakfast since that was the only thing I kept down for months. I can look in the mirror, but I can't believe that it's me since there's 40 pounds less of me now than this time last year.

My partner too suffered. She felt neglected, angry, scared, and helpless. Even now she feels a strong sense of loss. We work every day to rebuild our relationship, and there is a lot of rebuilding to do.

I know that many people still will say HG isn't real, that women like me are hypochondriacs, attention-seeking, and/or weak. I hope your show will help change their minds.
DS b12.12.06, mild HG wks 5-32
becca93
Opinionated HGer
 
Posts: 697
Joined: May 24, 2006 2:26 pm
Location: TX

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