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Only 6 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy and already on home IV

PostPosted: Oct 16, 2006 3:11 pm
by mmichelle
Let me start by saying that I have been very blessed! I have a perfect 2 1/2 year old boy whom I adore. The month before I get pregnant with him I was told that I would never have children without medical intervention. My husband and I couldn't afford infertility at the time so we decided that we would wait. I went back to school to work on my masters degree and he continued to work. Needless to say, when I found out I was pregant I was beside myself with excitement. My husband and I were in denial. He said that he couldn't wait for the morning sickness to start so that he'd know it was real. I think he has regretted that statement ever since. I was at 8 weeks when I made my first trip to the ER. After 3 more trips and a loss of about 30 pounds my doctor set me up on home IV therapy. My veins wouldn't hold the IV lines so then I got the PICC line. I was sick even on the delivery table! I swore I would never do this again. Then we had a suprise!

When I started throwing up only three weeks after my period I thought there was no way I could be pregnant. I couldn't wait to take a test. Sure enough it was positive and I threatened to kill my husband (I know it takes two but it is much easier to blame it on him :) ) This brings me to today. I am 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. As I type this I am hooked up to my IV pole counting down the hours until I can take my next dose of Zofran. I hear my little boy playing in the next room with my mom. My doctor is the same one I had for my first pregnancy and when I called him and told him I was sick again he signed me up for the home care that day. I have already lost 12 pounds and can only eat between 2-5 some days. I still am unable to drink anything and they are thinking of changing me from Zofran to something else.

I had my first ultrasound on Friday and everything looks good. It is hard to be excited when I am feeling so miserable. My son doesn't understand why mommy isn't around and why she is always sick. I feel like I am letting him down. My house looks like a bomb exploded and the laundry has piled up beyond belief. My mom helps a lot with my son and my husband has been very understanding, but it doesn't help with the frustration and helplessness.

I guess I have rattled on for long enough, but I just wanted to say that this site has helped me a lot. I wish I had found it the first time around! I tell everyone who doubts what I am going through to look at the site. It has opened many eyes.

PostPosted: Oct 16, 2006 4:00 pm
by tatteredtoo
Oh, I'm so glad you found the site, though I wish it hadn't been for this reason... I wish I had been fortunate to find the site the first, or even the forum the second time around, but I'm so glad I can be here now to talk with othe women who are going through or have gone through what I also experienced.
I couldn't help but laugh that you threatened your hubby. :lol: They just don't get that 1 fun time for them is 9 months of hell for us (who cares if it takes two! *LOL*)
I also had a toddler while I was pregnant with my second. I didn't have family or friends to come help and it was pure torture having to see my son cry out of fear while I couldn't control what was happening to my own body, but we both made it through, all three of us including the baby, and then my hubby too, and it's possible, forgivable and understandable that you can't do everything that you want or feel you need to for your toddler right now! It's especially great that you have your mom to help out a bit, don't hesitate to ask for help from anyone you know, or here on the boards!
I hope we can all be of some help or comfort to you while you're going through this. Until you can return, good luck and bless you and your family!

PostPosted: Oct 16, 2006 5:44 pm
by mmichelle
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is so hard because everyone I know is so excited and so happy for my family and I. I am not happy or excited. After I had my son I swore I would never do this again. Now, as I sit hanging over the toilet time after time, unable to tuck my son into bed all I can think of is what did we get ourselves into. I feel horrible having these thoughts. I know this new child growing within me is a miracle and a blessing, but I often find myself wishing that it wasn't there. Does that make me horrible? I think I am only 6 1/2 weeks into this and have so many to go....I feel like I am going to die before this is over. All of you who have gone through this multiple times, I envy your ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For me it just isn't there right now.

PostPosted: Oct 16, 2006 7:02 pm
by Mikey&Bree'sMama(src)
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Don't beat yourself up over not feeling happy or excited like the :bunny: pregnancy books tell you to. My husband and I planned this second pregnancy with some very naive hopes of "maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones who doesn't have HG again, or maybe with Zofran from the beginning it won't be so bad"--and the day the vomiting started, all I could do was cry and ask DH "What on earth was I thinking? How could I **do** this again?" And I certainly understand the feeling of thinking you'll die or even wishing to be dead rather than throw even one more time. I know it's not a comfort now, and for a moment I hate it every time someone says it to me, but you got through it once, and with the love and help of your husband, mom, and the gals on this site, you can make it through again. You're lucky to have a doctor who understands that HG needs to be treated aggressively--use every resource he offers! And I know it's hard, but don't count the days/weeks until it "ends"--just focus on getting through one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

I'm 10 weeks, so I'm a little further along than you, and I'm in Cleveland, Ohio, not California--but if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me!

PostPosted: Oct 16, 2006 8:31 pm
by smpmommy
Oh, I can so relate to your feelings that there's no excitement--and about the laundry piling up. I have said many times that I don't even feel pregnant--I feel terminally ill. It's just not the normal pregnant experience, and sometimes I even grieve over that.

I am so glad you have your Mom there, tho--and I know it is so painful, but know that your sweet boy is so young there's a chance he won't even remember you being so sick. My kiddos are 9, 5, and 4...and only the 9 year old knows "why" I'm sick, because we've lost so many that I can't bear to tell the little ones until we know everything is WAY okay. But they're old enough to remember, and old enough to ask me every day when I'm going "to be better." :(

You are in my prayers, and I'm so glad you've already got intervention. Keep us posted on how you're doing, and know you're among friends here!