Really depressed and not sure why

[MichellevsHG]

Shoshana - have you looked into taking medical disability? I believe it pays almost 3/4 of your salary while you're unable to work. It sounds like work is your HG stresser right now and some rest would do your body some good. The disability will help with the bills.

I hope you can find some peace soon.

[Ohnonumber3]

I am sorry you are in the position you are today.

I can 100% identify with you. I don't have a magical solution, and wish I did.

When i was PG with my DD, I had to go onto STD, i did outside sales for work,and there was no way, esp since I went into Pet Stores (gag) and had to lug 40-50lbs bags of dog food. With my DS, had taken 6 weeks of STD, but was able to go back after that (maybe 8 weeks, i don't remember),

Although its less money, it wasn't too bad b/c of the differnce with taxes and stuff. We were able to make it thought. ( With DS, my DH was in the police academey, he wasn't allowed to do over time, or work another position, to add to it, he wans't allowed to miss a minute. they did let him come home early one day, when i called his Lt, and passed out on the phone with him, oops) It sucked ass. We lived on Credit cards, but honestly, it wasn't horrific b/c i wans't spending the money on gas, dry cleaning, etc etc.

With my DD, i was 10x work, i had kidney and liver issues, it was terrible. I was out on STD. Previsouly, we had bought a new house, back in January, WAY before I became PG (June). We were putting our house up for sale, and i was so bad at one point, that I was on Potassium bag, passed out in bed, and woke up to people "showing" our house. WELL, our house sold, the new house was put back, we were living in a hotel... and I had to goto LTD, since my STD was up. I tried to get the OB to release me back to work, and he refused. The DAY I went ot LTD, (well actually it was 2 weeks before the day, I found out from a nice co-worked who gave me the heads up) I was terminated due to my medical status. It was effective 2 days after we were to settle on the new house. It was INSANE!! At least at that point, DH could do some OT, b/c he was a "real" police officer. Of course, with me being sick, living in a hotel with my son and cats, i wans't exactly great to be left alone.
SO we were shitting our pants, hoping the house would settle, (there were SO any delays) else, we weould never qulaify without my salary. We had aloready sold our other house, our stuff was in storage, yada yada.

SO, fast forward to SURPRISE, where we are now. In October, we moved to PA. Our house in VA is up for sale and we are staying ith my mom. DH took a a10K paycut, but will be making alot more in a few yers. Cost of living, etc is better, plus we are by family. We went to NY for a weekend, the condom broke and WHAMMO, here we are. We are now living with my inlawsin NJ, and trying to keep heads above water since 6 months later the house is STILL for sale.
We have nothing for the baby b/c we had no plans for number 3. Its a disaster.

SO, if miseray loves company-- you certainly have it.

I think your DH needs to be a little more understanding and suck it up a bit more and get some kinda PT job, that he can do and stil do school. If you continue to push yourself , you are going to crash. You are going to have longer term damage to yourself, and its going to bite you in the ass later. I would really push, to figure something out, somehow.
Christi

[Cindygirl]

Shoshana-
Sorry you're in such a hard position right now!! When my dh was in school full time, he always had at least a part time job, many times a full time job. It was hard on him and maybe he could have done better without the job. But, in his case he got his masters degree and did just fine...mostly A's and B's. I don't know what your dh's situation is or if it is possible for him to take a part time job even if it is for a month or so. And I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything great for you! What would you do if you had to be in the hospital? I know that sounds aweful, but sometimes you have to think of taking care of yourself before it gets that bad. I, too, wish I had a "magic solution" for you! I hope and pray that everything will somehow work out and remember that no matter what...you will make it through this!!

[catsandfrogs]

Shoshana,



It sounds like you are in a tough position right now and worrying about things isn't helping. I can't help any with the health concerns but I have some ideas to help with the baby gear issue.

First, the baby doesn't need much right off the bat. I would get a playpen that has a built in bassinet and use that for both the bassinett sleeping and a crib. You can possibly find one second hand ... try freecycle if there's one in your area (yahoo groups) or craigslist.

You'll need a few sleepers and onesies, receiving blankets, etc. You can find all these very gently used at second hand stores. Baby clothes are great to get second hand as they grow out of them before they are worn out. Then spend money on a new carseat to be safe (or see if there's one available via the HER exchange group). Other than these, you really don't need anything else in the early days besides the diapers/wipes, etc. supplies.

I hope this helps a little... try not to worry. Things do have a way of working themselves out...

[daisyfairside]

Hi Shoshana,

I can totally relate! My dh is completing his MBA here in Melbourne at the moment, neither one of us are working, and baby number 2 is due in Sept. Pretty overwhelming, especially considering we're moving Stateside in December and have the costs of starting over.

After leaving behind a large house, two brand new cars, and all of the comforts of home, it has not been easy to embrace the student lifestyle and cut corners. BUT, after a few months of adjustment, all is well now. We chose to buy prepaid cell phones in favor of cell phone plans. We cut back our internet plan (it's different here in Oz). We didn't bother with cable tv, and we bought any home needs from IKEA on the cheap. We also chose to live without a car and rely on public transport. Totally sucks with small children, BUT it's do-able and saves a buttload of money. We don't spend on any extras - no entertainment budget or eating out.

As for the baby, we sold all of our daughter's things before moving here. Actually, we sold EVERYTHING! We literally came to Australia with just six suitcases filled with toys and some very basic need items. I have decided to rent a baby capsule (car seat) and I'm sure where you live there are probably rental services like that, too. I also opted to buy a portable baby hammock instead of a bassinet or crib. I've bought baby clothes on clearance from OldNavy.com and any time anyone asks what we need, I just say "diapers/nappies!". Luckily we did have a stroller already. Other than that, there isn't too terribly much a newborn needs.

AND... as for bills, we took out additional student loans. Certainly not the ideal situation, BUT in the long-term it's a lot more cost-effective than using credit cards, with the lower interest rates and the fact that payments can be put off as needed (payments don't start until 6 months after my DH graduates, I believe, and if we are having financial difficulties - which I hope to not have after all this work here! - they can be deferred again by calling the loan officer).

So, those are some options. No, it's not easy. And it's stressful. BUT, those have been the solutions for us. We also cashed out our 401k's and pulled in some investments to live off of. We know we'll work our way back to where we were, especially with the bump in pay an MBA should result in.

Best of luck! If you have any specific questions about the things I mentioned, feel free to PM.

-Megan