I've been struggling with this issue alot too as I've just accepted a more demanding job within the library where I work. My absence will affect not just me but all my co-workers as they will have to pick up the slack and I feel badly about it because these are people I know and like, not just an impersonal company! But as I've been talking to friends about it over the past month or so, these are some of the comments they have reassured me with: "Your job is not your life. Your job is just a part of life, and therefore, you shouldn't put your life on hold for your job" and "How far apart do you want your children? Would you still be happy knowing that if you delay ttc that that gap will widen and that age gap will be for life?" and "A company takes a risk hiring any woman of childbearing age. They have to think that it is possible that a woman will become pregnant while working for them...especially if they already have a child"
I know how you feel...the first time round it was a surprise that you had HG, but this time you know what is going to happen so you feel like you are doing this intentionally to your employer. But going through another pregnancy is the only way you're going to get another child. Us HGers would gladly give up taking disability leave in exchange for an HG free pregnancy! But it's hard for our employers to understand how awful HG is when they have often never will have heard of this condition before we started puking!
Anyway, what this all boils down to, is what do you really want? Do you want another child badly enough that you'd be willing to sacrifice your reputation among your co-workers or even your job entirely for that child? For me, that answer is yes. I know that there are other jobs out there and other people I can work with, but my family is my family for life and I'm not going to let other people's opinions dictate my decisions. That said, I haven't decided if I will reveal that we planned this pregnancy or just let them think it was an accident.
Joanna
P.S. I'm sorry -- I don't know anything about FMLA, but it sure sounds like you got a good deal! And Jenny, I'm so sorry the AFLAC agent revealed to your employers that you are planning to ttc!
Isn't that against privacy laws??? But I'm glad that they are willing to help you.