Breadwinner revisited

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Breadwinner revisited

Postby Proudmama » Aug 01, 2005 11:49 pm

Hello all,
I know that this topic has already been covered but I needed some advice. My husband and I are considering trying for another baby. Our son is now 16 months old. I am the breadwinner in the household. He has basically given up his career to follow me around the country as I pursued mine (we have the same degree). He has been wonderful for doing this and I respect him for it.
Now comes my dilemma... I would love to stay at home with my son. We do not put him in daycare. My husband and I have somehow managed to work at different times so one of us watch our son. When we do have a scheduling conflict, my family or my husbands family travel across several states to watch him for a week. This happens once a month. So far this has worked out great. Now, the families are getting tired of driving and the winter months are approaching once again. I will not put my son into daycare and we do not know anyone to trust as a babysitter (I know there are wonderful places out there but I just cannot bring myself to try one). My husband wants to stay home with our baby but we have a budget that includes his income. Sometimes I really want him to stay at home with our son but other times I feel like crying. I want to be the one to stay home. I think I feel a bit jealous over the fact that he could stay home or at least get a part time job :oops: . I know I should not feel like this but I do. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
Now, in addition to all of this, I feel the urge to have another baby. I swore I would not go through HG again while working. I work different shifts as well. Please help. Am I crazy to feel this way?

Thanks for listening
Master of HG
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Joined: Jul 31, 2005 8:49 pm

Postby JennyK » Aug 02, 2005 10:05 am

You and I have a lot in common. My husband and I both work full time, but my income is a lot higher, meaning it would be easier on us financially if he had to be out of work for illness. He and I also work opposite shifts and avoid daycare, although not by choice. (His job can only be done at night.) We would glady send Annie to a daycare where she'd be safe and have fun and be stimulated by activities and interactions with other kids in exchange for actually seeing one another during the week.

You can get AFLAC coverage to help with money if you are unable to work when you are pregnant. There are several posts about it in this folder. If anyone knows of other ways to help pay for lost income/hospital bills, I wanna know!!

I think you also need to plan for the fact that there may be times during your pregnancy that it is difficult (or even impossible) for you to take care of your toddler by yourself. Whether you solve this with daycare or family and friends coming to help or whatever, this is something you'll need to be ready for. When I think back to how sick I was in the first trimester last time I can't imagine I'll be able to chase Annie around and change poopy diapers without back-up.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. :)
Annie, January '04
Will, August '06
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Postby aaronsmommy » Aug 02, 2005 10:01 pm

I had a hard time when I had to go back to work. The plan had always been for my husband to stay home because I make a lot more than him. At the time, I really wanted to stay home and my husband really missed being at work.

I am a little jealous of him staying home, but I do know that I wouldn't like the housekeeping duties that he took over as well, so I try to think of that when I feel jealous. I do love the fact that when I get home, I get to be mommy and not worry about cleaning the house and cooking dinner and stuff - I really think it's great to have one of us at home, even if it isn't me. We save some money on gas and we eat out less so we save a bit there too becuase he isn't working.

My son is also starting preschool this year, I wouldn't have thought we'd do it until maybe next year, but he just loves to play with the other kids, maybe when your son is a bit older, you'll feel more comfortable with that idea too. We are totally protective, my son hasn't even had a babysitter other than his grandparents, but he loves school so much, I feel like I'd be depriving him of the experience if I didn't send him.

If you want to get pg again, I would also recommend disability insurance, and remember, it will only be a portion of your salary, so you still have to figure out how to live on less.

Aaron 12/4/02
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Postby Proudmama » Aug 06, 2005 1:48 pm

Thanks Ladies,
It is nice to talk to others about this. In my profession, there are mostly men. It is nearly impossible to discuss something like this because most of their wifes are SAHMs. As for preschool, my husband and I plan on our son going when he gets a bit older. He just loves other children. I am just overprotective. No babysitters here either, just loving Grandparents that travel across several states to visit. One nice thing is that in a little over a year, I should be making enough that if my husband wants to SAH, he can :D . I know I will still be a bit envious but happy for my husband and son.

Thanks Again
Master of HG
Posts: 3234
Joined: Jul 31, 2005 8:49 pm

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