New to this site...desperate for help!!!

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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New to this site...desperate for help!!!

Postby jonathan » Aug 24, 2005 2:48 pm

My girlfriend has HG, she has been into hospital 5 times and i think she is going to have to go back in 2moro, she is 17 weeks and im really proud of her because she has been through hell!
she gave up smoking ang drinking, has had all the trips to hospital, injections, drips, i dont think i could have done it!!

She's lost about a stone in the last few weeks, the midwives keep saying that everything will be ok, but how can it be???

The scans are ok, the baby will be small, heard the heartbeat.

the drugs dont work, she's permanantly moody, im scared of something bad happening and our relationship is under alot of stress, i really dont know what to do and family and friends dont really understand
this is our first baby, im 21 shes 19, we live together and she is getting statuary sickpay so things there are tight, i need to work all the hours i can to pay the bills, and me being at work doesnt help.

just need someone who understands to offer some advice or a shoulder to cry on.
jonny
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Postby dwtegli » Aug 24, 2005 3:07 pm

jonny,

Welcome and Congratulations on the baby. I know it is so hard right now. We have all been there. What medications is your girlfriend on? Maybe she can try something else, or increase dosages or something? You are helping her so much just by finding us. There are extremely knowledgable ladies on here who can give you ideas for medications and other coping strategies.

Keep hangin on, and keep us posted on how we can help. It will end, I know it seems so far away, but it really does.

If your girlfriend can handle it, she can come check us out also to get some support and tips.
Wendy,
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There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
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Postby BrandiJK » Aug 24, 2005 5:42 pm

Hi Jonny, and welcome. I am sorry your girlfriend is having sich a hard time.
First off, let me say I am thrilled you are so supportive of her! That is such a huge componant to making it through the worst. And if she can get to the board and check it out, she may find she has even more support here, filled with women with experiance in all varing degrees of HG who can help her with medication advise, survival tips, love, support, compassion, community, and humor.

HG mamas loose weight while pregnant. I, myself, have lost 27 lbs. with this pregnancy, over 30 lbs. ith my first when I was about your gf's age. It is hard to not be concerned for the baby, but really it's not necessary as long as she is getting proper treatment for her HG. My baby is very healthy, and growing strong. My body has all the nutrients this baby needs, and my body knows how to get it to the baby, and so does hers. However, treatment is the key!!!

Is your gf on any medication yet? What is she on? When she is in the hospital, is she staying there over a period of time or going in for IV's the returning home? Is her doctor supportive and understanding with what is happening with her?

This does end. For many it lightens as the pregnancy progresses. Even if she is sick the entire time, this ends with the pregnancy. Relationships suffer, but can also become stronger through this. It sounds like you are on the right path, seeking help and being supportive.
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Just back from the hospital!!

Postby jonathan » Aug 25, 2005 3:11 pm

Just got in from the hospital, she has been admitted, having a drip and injections of cytlizine, she has had the same in pill form but really struggles to keep them down as im sure u can understand!

I know that hospital is the best place for her, its just difficult!!

i have so much trouble getting the hospital to take her in, the doctor wont visit, she cant go to the doctor to be seen, and the hospital wont see her without a referal from the doctor...its all insane and just winds me up!!!

Im home now and cant do anything, well exept for the washing up and hoovering..

Also im having problems financially, i earn a reasonable amount but obviously lauren hasnt been able to work for months, her work want her signed off for the whole term but the doctor wont even consider signing her off for the whole pregnancy for another two weeks!! (she is 18 weeks today).

i have no idea of the laws and regulations for maternity pay and statuatry sick pay, her work wont pay her any until they have had the sick notes from the doctors and when they do pay her she only gets between 200 and 300 pounds, when her normal wage is 700 pounds!! its all i can do to pay the bills, do the house work and be a nurse!! i dont mind really, i know i shouldnt complain..just think how she feels!! just wish things would settle down.
jonny
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Postby dwtegli » Aug 25, 2005 3:16 pm

Oh Jonny,

How I feel for you both. Last year I was terminated from my position where I made more money than my husband due to HG. We had less than half of our normal monthly income coming in for almost seven months. We made it through with credit cards (unfortunately as they are coming back to haunt us), and help from both our parents. I know it is hard, we are all hear for you both.

The best you can do for her, is to take care of the house, and fight for her with the doctors to get her the treatment she so desperately needs.

Hang in there, I will be praying for you both.
Wendy,
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Postby Natalie » Aug 25, 2005 3:36 pm

Hi Jonny

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you both right now. The thing with HG is that it affects everything. Your girlfriend is sick but there's also the finances, the lack of social interaction, loneliness, the house to be looked after and extra stress on you. The list is endless but the good news is it WILL end. Generally speaking, HG peaks around the end of the first trimester so your gf should be over the worst and start feeling a little better as time goes on.

I also lost my job when pg with #1 (a surprise pgy) and we had quite a lot of debt that we hadn't paid off which totally stressed me out because my dh was a student at the time. It's funny how things do work themselves out eventually. I went back to work earlier than I would have liked to pay off the bills but the finances worked themselves out and 2 years on all is well again.

What meds has your gf been prescribed? Can you tell me what has and hasn't worked? If your gf has tried 3-4 different drugs and still is getting no relief, I think you have a case to harrass the Ob. for Zofran. Don't let them fob you off. Especially if it's not a senior Dr. Don't listen to a SHO, go straight to the Registrar or Consultant if you can (I work in the NHS myself and it's easy for the SHO to see you but on something like this, you want to see someone with a bit more clinical experience in Obstetrics than an SHO, imho). It is presecribed over here for people who are pretty drug resistant but they HATE doing it becuase of the cost. They say it's not tried and tested and that it's different in the US but if you do some research, you maight be able to convince them to try it.

Good luck to both of you. Tell your gf to hang in there. Do you think she would find it helopful to have a 'buddy'? Email PamelaRose if you think it would help her / you.

I am down in Bristol but do let me know if there's anything I can do. I am 18 weeks tomorrow and coming out of the worst of it now.

Take care and best wishes

Natalie, x
2003 - DD
2006 - DS
2010 - DS
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Postby Bradley » Aug 25, 2005 9:09 pm

Jonny,

I would think that it would be hard to call yourself fortunate in this situation and yet, you really are. When my wife (Alison) and I went through our pregnancies, we had no idea this site even existed. The fact that you are reaching out and allowing others to help you and your girlfriend shows great character on your part.

Like others have said, it will end and things will get back to a more normal lifestyle. It's seems like it takes forever though when you are in it. I remember it getting so bad, that I had to sleep on the floor every night because any minute movement of the bed would send her running to the bathroom.

Do you have a laptop computer? I did - and was able to sit next to the bed and squeeze her feet with one hand while I surfed the web, or just played a game with the other. It seemed that squeezing her feet would help relax her muscles and, though not take the nausea away completely, it would ease it a bit.

Now more than ever, are you being called to be the role model of a partner. Now more than ever, do you need to be on your best behavior. I know it can get tough at times and if you need to vent, come here to do it. By all means, try not to take it out on her. You and I can only imagine what these woman are going through.

The hardest part is getting others to understand that she is not just being a whimp about it. That's why it is great if you have friends or family who don't understand, you should get them to this site. If you can, see if you can find an OB for her in the area that understands HG. It makes all the difference in the world.

I also did as much studying as I could on the subject and started recommending different options (for drugs) to our doctor.

Just keep in mind the following:

1. No matter what, the woman is always right!
2. No matter what, a pregnant woman is always right!
3. NO MATTER WHAT, A PREGNANT WOMAN WITH "HG" IS ALWAYS RIGHT!

Keep up your wonderful support. It will make a huge difference for her and it will be well remembered not only now but for years to come. Be ready at any moment to jump up and get her whatever she needs. Your moment of saneness and her ease of the nausea might only last for a couple of minutes.

Your finances will come. God will take care you. He won't let you starve and will always provide a way if you put your trust in Him. Yes, it will be tight, and it won't be fun, but in the end, it will be worth it. We havne't been successful in getting through our preganancies yet (two misscarriages and one termination), but we both have the attitude of "whatever it takes". Hopefully, like the others have said, the worst is now behind you.

Keep coming back to this site and posting. Not only will it help you, but it helps many, many others. I know that there are many men and women who read these posts, who haven't gotten up the courage to post just yet. They are able to take words of wisdom and hope from the stories on this site and sometimes it will be all they will have to help them make it through the day.

Take care my friend,
Bradley
There is HOPE! There is always HOPE!
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Postby Alison » Aug 26, 2005 2:30 am

Jonny,

I hope that what Bradley has said to you helps. He knows what he is talking about, he was great with me. I have to say, by Bradley and me going through these experiences we have been able to grow much closer. He was always patient, kind, gentle and selfless. A woman can't ask for better.

I hope that your girlfriend is doing ok. Let us know her progress. You searching out for help and support is so great! I really appreciated Bradley for doing that as well.

If you stay determined to make it all work out and do whatever you can for your girlfriend while staying in close communication with her, everything will be alright - no matter the outcome. Everything will work its self out. We will keep you both in our prayers.

Sincerely,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
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Postby BrandiJK » Aug 26, 2005 11:52 am

Jonny, I am sorry her doc is being such a pig. Can you switch docs?? I also suggest looking into state disability for your area. I had to do this when I could not work w/ second PG and lost my job.

Good luck, keep up your support. We do understand. You just have to keep going.

And really, get a new doc asap!!!
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Postby jonathan » Aug 31, 2005 1:40 pm

Hi, and thank you all for your help!

Lauren was in hospital over the bank holiday weekend and came out monday afternoon, she is shaping up and so far she hasnt been sick once...maybe the end is in sight!!1 but i wont bank on it yet.

seeing this site has really made me realise that there are so many people out there who are having a harder time than me and me being down and making a fuss seems really bad!!


Anyone wanting to talk can email me directly.

good luck to everyone, i dont get much time to myself but usually check my emails daily.

thank you so much everyone.

jonathan
jonny
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Postby UKmommy » Aug 31, 2005 2:17 pm

Hi Jonathan..I live in Witshire, if she needs a buddy or just to chat you can have her pm me or you can. Dont worry, she and you both will make it through this horrendous time. Just take one day as it comes and be there for her. I think you are doing a marvelous job!
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1 NON hg pregnancy, Dusty, 16 years old
2 Severe Hg pregnancy, loss
3 Mild HG pregnancy Josh, 6 years old

Preg with twins due Feb 2011. Fluffy pregnancy !!!
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Postby izhak » Aug 31, 2005 6:04 pm

Jonathan:

All I can tell you is that it will be tough, but together both of you will make it through. HG is a real strain on a relationship. However, when you get to the finish line, and you hold your baby in your arms with tears of joy, you will then realize that having gone through HG, your relationship has greatly strengthened.

If you have not, you will most likely at times fill as useful as a piece of used tissue on the sidewalk. Actually my dog used to love those. :) With nothing that you can do the remedy the issue. However, my wife told me that just by standing there and understanding, I was the biggest help she could hope for. Going to visit her each day in the hospital in priceless.

My wife was in the hospital for 2 months, in the middle of winter. When she got out for the sixth time, and final time, she was taking 17 pills per day. We moved to may parent's house, because there was a smell, that I could not smell, which made her feel ill.

I wish that she will start to feel better. Not all women have it for the full 40 weeks. My wife with the help of the pills stopped to vomit around week 14-15. However, if she missed a pill, she would have a real rough time, and at times would vomit. She started to cut the pills down around week 23. By week 34 she was barely taking any pills.

If I was there I would give you a big hug and let you know that my shoulder is always there for you to lean or, or cry on.

Good luck
P.S. My son is now a healthy 9 weeks old, and weighs 6.7Kg (14.5 pounds)
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