Best Ways To Communicate During HG

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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Best Ways To Communicate During HG

Postby Alison » Aug 26, 2005 5:18 pm

Does anyone here have any suggestions on how to talk to your husband/partner if they don't seem too interested or are having trouble understanding... or they just plain don't want to 'deal' with it?

Do any husbands have any ideas on how we can share our concerns better with you guys so that it doesn't come across badly or stress you guys out any more than you already are?

Sometimes during the stress (for both sides) we can get caught up in emotion and that comes across in our communication which is never a good thing. So, maybe we all can help each other to come up with non-threatening ways to communicate our feelings, fears and concerns to each other.

One suggestion that I have is that when you are about to say something that might be taken badly or in the wrong way, first start by saying that you are not sure how to word the following... or... start by saying, ok... I am stressed, can we talk about it.

Also, once your spouse/partner shares their thoughts/concerns, make sure they feel safe to do so and focus on it in regards to finding a workable solution and not to take offense.

Sometimes when we are caught up in nausea, aches and pains... we can only get half a breath out devoted to speach, so it can come across as a bit snappy, please don't take offense. It is just that when you are in that much discomfort and pain, it is hard to talk and we go into survival mode and sometimes it may make us SCREAM out what we need without patience or concern for hurting the other person's feelings.

It is all overwhelming and stressful - for both sides. We do understand that though it doesn't always come across that way. So, any suggestions you may have will not only help us and you, but everyone who may come across this in the future.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
Alison
Been There Done That
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Aug 25, 2005 2:32 am
Location: North Texas

a reply from sickofit and her dh

Postby sickofit » Aug 28, 2005 6:45 pm

it has been very tough...we have both been traumatized by this condition...on the one hand you have a helpless spouse who cant be of any significant help to the other...and on the other hand you have a helpless spouse that cant be of any significant help to the other..our son of four summed it up this way, "mommy's pregnant but we'll get through this" it's very hard being solution oriented as I am, and not be able to doing anything to make my wife feel better, or suspend everything else going on in our lives, careers, children's needs, homes until we can deal...it makes for a very trying paradigm...we have had our communication difficulties to be sure...and we will take to heart your suggestions...God bless....
sickofit
Opinionated HGer
 
Posts: 668
Joined: Aug 12, 2005 7:07 pm

Postby Alison » Aug 28, 2005 7:33 pm

sickofit,

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry that you both have to go through this. I pray that this site can be of help to you both. By your screen name, it would seem as though you are frustrated. This is understandable. We all are extremely frustrated during HG.

I am curious, has she shared any of her fears or concerns with you? If not, then she may not know how to word her feelings. The same may go for you as well. I think that can play a major role in straining relationships during this time.

You have shown a lot of courage, strength and wisdom in coming here and finding out more about HG. Just staying with your wife during this is more than some men can do. Also, trying to find help and answers is more help than you can imagine!

One thing that may help as well, is if you have a fear or concern... you can share it with us here which will help you to share it with your wife. One, the pure emotion driven aspect of sharing your feelings will come out here and not on your wife in a negative way, but also, you will be able to find the right words to use when you tell her how you feel.

One thing that you do have now, is access to knowledge. If your wife has fears and concerns, you have somewhere to find the answers if you don't already have the answers.

I am not sure what condition your wife is in, whether she is bed-ridden or can do some things, whether she is vomiting all day or nauseas without vomiting, etc. If she is able, it would be good for her to communicate with others here who can relate to her. That way, she has others to talk to and can get out some of her initial emotions with us. That way you two can have a clear headed conversation together better. I am not saying that there won’t be times when we get overwhelmed and our emotions take over.

We have all here experienced the fear (both personal and for the baby), frustration (and asking WHY?), anger resulting in thoughts of abortion, which of course makes us feel guilty. The stresses of everyday life don’t pause because of HG and it really sucks that one person has to take on all of it.

Everyone here understands that as a man, you are put in a position that makes you feel alone and that you have to make everything better. Your wife may feel that she is being a burden on you and she may feel like a failure of a mother to your son because she can’t be there for either of you.

Just keep in mind that as far as fixing it… it can’t be fixed. As long as you are there, while keeping a level head (at least around her) then you are a wonderful husband.

I hope that we can help you and your wife throughout your difficult HG experience. We will all encourage you both, comfort you both and educate you both to the best of our abilities. Remember, you are not alone.
By the way, what your son said… that is so precious. Out of the mouth of babes, huh… Let us know if there is anything we can do. I look forward to your reply and make sure to keep checking because you never know what someone may say that could change everything.

Your Friend,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
Alison
Been There Done That
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Aug 25, 2005 2:32 am
Location: North Texas

Postby Bradley » Aug 28, 2005 7:58 pm

sickofit,

What Alison said is all true. We all applaud you here for supporting your wife during this trying time. Believe me, I know exactly what you are going through and I know exactly how it feels to be the "fixer" and not be able to "fix" things.

Remember, even though she feels like crap, and thinks she's never looked worse, you must tell her CONSTANTLY how much you love her and how beautiful she is. Unfortunately, when those hormones kick in and she has constant nausea, it is going to very difficult for her to give anything back to you during this time.

She will remember though, how wonderful you were to her, I promise! It will all be worth it, no matter what the outcome.

Keep in mind, not to take her attacks personally. She feels like crap and tomorrow isn't very promising either. She's is not upset with you. She's just venting her frustrations. I know it is difficult, but try to look at it as flaming darts and you merely need to side step them and they will be harmless. If you allow them in, they will fester, and you will need to vent yourself. By all means, don't vent to her.

If you would like, you can send me a private message and I will respond with my phone number so that you can call and talk any time you need to vent, that way you can reserve only the best for her.

Sincerely,
Bradley (Alison's dh)
There is HOPE! There is always HOPE!
Bradley
New Member
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Aug 25, 2005 8:09 pm
Location: Right by Alison's side

thank you

Postby sickofit » Aug 30, 2005 6:06 pm

after watching the remnants of Katrina on the news my troubles seem so small...i can't imagine anyone who has hg and lives in one of the areas affected by the storm...that's enough to put anyone over the top...anyhow i take it as He doles it out...one day at a time...thank you again for your comments and encouragement
sickofit
Opinionated HGer
 
Posts: 668
Joined: Aug 12, 2005 7:07 pm

Postby Alison » Sep 18, 2005 8:00 pm

Sickofit,

Bradley and I just got back online. We just moved from California to Texas. I was just wondering how things are going on your end??? Have things gotten any better? Is she in or out of the hospital?

I know what you mean by looking at what other's are going through... I can't imagine what it would be like to have HG and go through that as well. I wonder if anyone has heard of anyone else that did who has HG...

Anyway, I pray that you both are doing well. Let us know if there is anything that we can do or pray for and we will. Hope to hear back from you.

Your friend,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
Alison
Been There Done That
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Aug 25, 2005 2:32 am
Location: North Texas


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