by PamelaRose » Dec 27, 2005 2:32 pm
As Jenny and Wendy pointed out, it is absolutely normal for women to swear up and down that they're never, ever, ever going through HG again. And then, within a couple years, they sheepishly start asking about protocols and getting the courage to face another pregnancy, and then the process starts all over when HG strikes again.
I miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks after a crash-course in HG, so my approach to repeating was perhaps a bit different. We knew we'd probably face the illness again, but after losing a baby and dealing with infertility, I would have done pretty much anything to have a child. And I admit to secret hopes that HG was a one-time fluke , that I'd sail through a full-term pregnancy. That was not the case, but at least we were somewhat prepared when HG struck again at the beginning of the second pregnancy. I had always wanted 3 children and kept telling myself I'd do it two more times, but there were doubts. When I went into labor with our son, I resolved that if I had any labor or delivery complications, I would not go through it again. I don't know how serious I was, as giving birth was the easy part for me, and within minutes of our son's delivery I told my rather stunned husband that we would definitely be doing it again.
And we did--two more times. Each time, HG got worse and worse and life got more and more complicated as we juggled care of the other children during my illness. Life during that first, unencumbered HG was easy by comparison! But what evened it all out was being prepared, knowing what was happening and how to react to it. With the first pregnancy you have no way of knowing the outcome, and it's difficult to believe that the suffering will have a happy ending. Once you have that first child, it's easy to see what other people have been telling you--it WILL be worth it. It's easier to see the light when you know it's actually there, though I fully admit to asking my doctor to just take me out and shoot me during third pregnancy and to being happy when I started spotting and thought I was miscarrying my last pregnancy. HG will never be easy, and there are always dark moments, but you gain more and more confidence in your ability to persevere when you go through again and again.
For now, don't worry about "next time." Be there for your wife and help her be excited about the baby, and odds are that she'll be bringing up the subject of another pregnancy once she's had time to get past HG and catch up with life again. Babies have this magic quality about them, and it's pretty hard to resist the lure of Baby Lust!
Pamela
4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)