Think Twice If You're Young...

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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Think Twice If You're Young...

Postby adelmaal » Feb 07, 2005 7:32 pm

Just another view on the decision to limit your family size. Please take this post in the understanding light it is intended.

I too decided I would limit my family size to two children when I was pregnant with my second baby. My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant and I was not wanting to ever experience the pain and drama that can come from a difficult pregnancy. I signed the papers to have a TL and I even switched from the hospital I loved so much when delivering my daughter (it was a Catholic hospital) so I could have the TL done in the event of a c-section.

Boy am I glad I didn't end up with a c-section and the resulting TL...

Let me explain... What I could not forsee was that 6 years later I would marry a wonderful man who loves children and is great with mine! He loves my children and yet so much wanted to have a child eventually call him Daddy. I explained to him how difficult my pregnancies can be, how they can take a toll on a marriage and that I had decided I never wanted to be pregnant again. He accepted that.

Eventually my maternal instincts kicked in though and I decided I wanted to share with him what he never got to experience - a baby.

Through this pregnancy he has been so supportive. This pregnancy has been by far the best managed and the least painful in the way of vomiting as well. I have gained 2 pounds instead of losing 10. I vomit once or twice a day instead of 5 to 10 times a day. Mostly, due to getting drugs into my system very early on I think.

Anyways... My husband has said he will have a vasectomy once the baby is born and I am so glad I am able to share this experience with him and I am really excited to be a mom again.

I can understand the decision to limit family size and I can also understand the decision not to even though HG can be awful, debilitating and life-threatening. I know there are many women on this site that have suffered many more physical ailments as a result of their vomiting and nausea than I and there are also those who have suffered miscarriage in addition to all that. My heart goes out to all you ladies.

I just wanted to make sure everyone thinks about it (not that you haven't) and waits until that adorable baby is born and you are actually faced with the decision to have another one prior to making the decision to limit your family size. Not that you will regret your decision but you just never know what could happen.

Just try not to sign those papers when you are pregnant and at the worst of it! I would have seriously regretted my TL after the fact.

PamelaRose put it really nicely when she wrote: "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to give it time, to question what's in your heart and mind. There are so many good options for birth control that you don't need to worry about sterilization until you know you're at that point, if you ever do. I hope you can reach a happy agreement with DH on this; Troy and I waffled back and forth so much that we couldn't remember who wanted another and who didn't when I actually got pregnant."
Aryn-Leah

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Cole Vincent, DOB 5/27/98
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Postby PamelaRose » Feb 07, 2005 10:17 pm

Thank you, Aryn-Leah. I always feel sad when I see HGers who feel backed into a corner and see sterilization as the only way out. While I had a great experience and am very happy with the tubal ligation decision we made, there was a time when the answers were not clear and I couldn't face those "what-ifs" with certainty. It sounds like things worked out perfectly for you, despite your intentions during your last pregnancy. What a blessing for you and your husband! None of us can see the future; the best we can do is listen to our hearts and ask ourselves what will truly matter in the big picture of our lives. :D
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Postby emily » Feb 08, 2005 12:05 pm

I have thought of the scenario that you have talked about when thinking about wanting a TL. I guess I am in another camp when I KNOW I would not be willing to carry a third child. If I was in your situation, I would go the IVF and surrogate route before having another child of my own. BUT- that is me personally. I have thought about this long and hard befre TTC number two and during this pg and even now, when my HG doesn't seem to be so bad.

Sounds like things have worked out well for you with your second marriage which is wonderful!

Emily
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Postby PamelaRose » Feb 09, 2005 11:21 pm

Have you scheduled a tubal, Emily? I was at the same point you are at--I knew that there was NO WAY I'd carry another child, that if fate had another baby in store for me, it was going to have to find an alternate route to get it here. TL was a wonderful experience for me. :wink:
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Postby emily » Feb 10, 2005 12:52 pm

Actually, I am looking into this www.essure.com . I know someone who had it done and it was great for her. Takes like half an hour and no recovery time. I have heard about so many TL babies I think if I don't do the essure, I will have DH get a vasectomy which seems to lower failure rates that TLs.

LOL I will be so paranoid about getting pg, watch me insist that both DH and I are sterlized and using a diaphram! LOL I am just really done having babies. I have other health problems and my body just can't take anymore of this and I need to live a long healthy life for my two children.

Emily
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Postby Natalie » Feb 10, 2005 3:12 pm

Hi

I don't want to put the cat among the pigeons for all you ladies who have had a TL, but Emily has a point.

I told a friend of mine who is an Ob/Gyn (who herself has been sterilised, I might add) that I was thinking of getting sterilised and she pointed at my dh and said if I want to be sure having having no more babies, Andy should get done and not me because vasectomy has a lower failure rate.

Just something to bear in mind if you've not had a TL yet.

Natalie.
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Postby adelmaal » Feb 10, 2005 4:41 pm

And with all the drama we women have to go through to have our babies, they can go through a simple procedure!
Aryn-Leah

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Cole Vincent, DOB 5/27/98
Raegan Reese, EDD July 24 2005
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Postby emily » Feb 10, 2005 5:50 pm

Well, vasectomies carry risk too. It isn't just a matter of being uncomfortable for a few days. So, really, I am not that jazzed about DH getting a vas, plus the point is, if we ever did get divorced or anything, I really don't want to carry anymore babies. LOL I don't care if he has more!

Anyhow, so much to ponder.

Emily
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Postby PamelaRose » Feb 12, 2005 1:29 pm

Emily - That's what I had! I had Essure done when Reilly was 2 months old. I had planned on having a traditional tubal after my vaginal delivery while I was still in the hospital, but an ovarian cyst made the OB decide to wait a few weeks postpartum. Then I was given the option of Essure, and skipping surgery at that point sounded good to me! I actually had it done 2 years ago this week, and it was a very good experience. Let me know if you have any questions--I know it's pretty new in some areas. :)
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Postby emily » Feb 12, 2005 5:32 pm

Pamela,

That is great to hear you had such a great experience with it. Did your insurance cover it? I am wondering if I can get my insurance to cover it. Not sure if they cover any sort of sterilization or not...

Emily
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Postby meg » Feb 12, 2005 7:15 pm

Emily,

I can't say for certain, of course, but most insurance covers sterilization or a portion of it if they also cover other birth control methods or maternity care. The cost is a one time payout rather than multiple costs so it is cost-effective for them to do so.
Hugs,
Meg

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Postby PamelaRose » Feb 12, 2005 7:25 pm

Yes, my insurance covered it. Mine covers sterilization, but I wasn't sure about Essure since it's so new and not "standard." But they covered it, with the exception of the dye test to see that the tubes had closed. That was about $600, which my secondary insurance covered. I probably could have gotten it covered if I had bothered fighting my insurance, though--since it was down as "routine check," they wouldn't cover. Can't hurt to call well ahead and make sure and give them time to figure it out if it's a new procedure for them.
Pamela

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Postby emily » Feb 13, 2005 12:16 am

I hate that we totally hijacked this thread with this but I am really interested! LOL I am going to talk to my mw at my next appt. I want to get it done this year since I have a max out of pocket expense of $1500 a year and with my maternity/hospital delivery I will come close. So, it will only cost me a few hundred dollars more at the most if I get it done this year. My mom had a hole in her heart closed last year with a device similar to this (place in her heart and then it scars over and scars the hole shut). It has worked really well for her. Even as a heart surgery she was in and out in a few hours and back to her yoga class the next week (lol and my mom does the yoga in the hot room at like a hundred and ten degrees!) I am going to wait a few months of course, but I really feel ready.

Emily
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Postby PamelaRose » Feb 13, 2005 1:17 am

Ah, they'll understand! I haven't figured out a really good way to "chat" here, so I guess this is it. I'm chuckling at your mom in a steaming room doing yoga. Makes me think about cranking up the heat here at home the next time I attempt some pilates. :wink:

I was in and out in about 3 hours total (with waiting beforehand and recovery room), and cramping was minimal. The only unexpected for me was bleeding for WEEKS afterwards--not a lot, but enough to be a nuisance. They really don't mention that, but the OB who did mine said that she's seeing it pretty commonly. I was worried that I'd be the one where the scarring didn't happen, but it all went well. Hope you can get it all lined up! :)
Pamela

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