Enough after one, well, make that two!

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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Enough after one, well, make that two!

Postby JudyC » Mar 01, 2005 12:59 am

Hello,

During my first HG pregnancy I would grab my husband by the shoulders and tell him in a very matter of fact way that this would be our first and and only child and that he had better start coming to terms with that. I was so miserable and couldn't entertain the thought for even a second of going through another HG pregnancy.

After our beautiful baby girl was born, we didn't really do much as far as contraception was concerned as our first child was an IVF baby, and so we didn't think we needed to be very cautious. Then one day, when Rachel was about 10 months old, I woke up feeling very nauseous. My period was late, but that was normal for me. It was the nausea that got me very worried. My husband thought I was crazy for doing a pregnancy test, but I recognised that nausea. Sure enough, I was pregnant again. Sure enough, I got HG again.

When our beautiful Jessica was born by c-section I had a tubal ligation. At the time, I couldn't have been more pleased to have the TL done. I know I made the right decision but sometimes I feel some regret. Sometimes I hate that fact that HG made me so happy to be sterilized. Sometimes I think to myself that if I was 10 years younger (36 when Jessica was born), and if I had some family around to help me (they're all in Canada and I'm in Australia), then maybe I could have gone through it all again. Sometimes I think that if I didn't get HG at all I'd love to have a third child. Then I become angry over the whole HG thing. That's when I become envious of women who have much easier pregnancies. Then I hear of people who have suffered much worse than I did with their pregnancies. Then I realize how happy I am with my two beautiful girls and I'm thankful that they're both healthy. It's all so complicated.

Sterilization can be such a complex issue evoking a lot of conflicting emotions. I guess everyone has to do what they think is the best choice for their own situation. Wow, HG can sure complicate our lives!


JudyC
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Postby HGx3 » Mar 01, 2005 1:31 am

I can totally relate!!!!!! I never in my wildest dreams ever wanted a 4th child, but the simple fact that HG made that decision for me makes me want one in a way.....I have those thoughts too. DH just had a vasectomy, and we could have thrown a party we were so thrilled, and still are. It is just so frustrating to be struck with an illness that you never expected to have during pregnancy.

Our 1st was a clomid baby, and we also neglected contraception. Needless to say, when he was 7m old, I thought I had food poisioning.....HA!!! What a joke that was........baby @ arrived 30 some odd weeks later. Finally, our very pleasant final surprise took us by storm and blessed our family 9 months ago.

After that pg, I KNEW I would NEVER want to experience that hell EVER again............

So bitter sweet.
Huge Hugs,
Lisa
HG Mom to:
Matthew, 2001
Lauryn, 2002
Joshua,2004

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Postby PamelaRose » Mar 01, 2005 7:54 pm

You are so right, Judy--such complex emotions! I always, always, always said 3 children. And even after I tried to reason my way to stopping at 2, we forged ahead and had #3. Then I had my tubal, happy day, end of story.

BUT...I always thought a #4 "surprise" would be fun (this is pre-HG, by the way). I do still feel VERY bitter about being cheated out of an oops like normal woman. Of course, if my tubal should fail and I wind up with my own little oops, you all will never hear the end of it. Ugh--so complex. :roll:
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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Postby mandy » Mar 07, 2005 2:36 am

Judy,

I could have written your post - except the fact we have not done the final steralisation .......yet. Some days I feel so lucky to have my two and still be healthy - I survived! Some days I am so upset, bitter, disapointed in myself that I couldn't even carry a baby properly. I still tease myself that we might have an accident and then fate would decide whether we had a third (always wanted at least three) but the truth is I'm terrified to do it again. My dh is wonderful and would have a baby tomorrow if that's what I decide but is also completely happy to stop at what we have. Truth is, I'm too chicken to do it again (I think) and this never endingly frustrates me and I suppose it always will.

Hope it helps you that there are others (plenty) who feel like you, I know it helps me to get by.

Mandy x
mother of two
hg from wk 6 - daughter born in 1999
hg from wk 5 - son born in 2002
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Postby PamelaRose » Mar 07, 2005 7:11 pm

Mandy - I could have written your post a few years back! I had always wanted 3, but I just couldn't fathom putting my family and my poor body through HG one more time. I joked about an oops, too. Our little "oops" had always been wanted, but we just hadn't gotten the courage to plan her. She took matters into her own hands and arrived 2 years ago--perfect timing! :) If your heart says no to sterilization, listen. You can always change your mind later and go ahead with it, but it's much more difficult to realize that you wanted another baby after it's done. Hugs to you - such a tough place to be!
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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Postby mandy » Mar 08, 2005 5:36 am

Thanks Pamela for your advice. I often read your posts and feel I can relate to you and what you write. You are a great encouragement to me. After two appointments to book a vasectomy, my dh and I have decided to wait a few years. A big part of this is because I think if we got it done, what I now couldn't have would seem a lot more attractive and haunt me even more. I admire you for having your three and a big part of me wishes I could too, but I don't think you'll ever see me in the first tri forums ..............................unless we have an oopsie! (And that would be the most wanted oopsie ever too!)
mother of two
hg from wk 6 - daughter born in 1999
hg from wk 5 - son born in 2002
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Postby PamelaRose » Mar 08, 2005 10:36 am

Aww, thanks, Mandy. Our little "oops" is 2 now, and we laugh at how terrified we were when we found out I was pregnant with her. But I honestly don't know if we would have been brave enough to plan her and actually try to conceive. I also know that I would have been perfectly happy with two children--I just would have become Crazy Cat Woman and adopted a pack of housecats or something. My husband says Baby #3 is better than cats, now that he thinks about it. :wink:

I think your plan to wait and take your time making a decision is wise. We'll be thrilled to see you in the 1st Tri forum, or we'll be happy to offer support when you do decide on something permanent. Isn't it nice to have options? :) Good luck.
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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